42
Alana
My vision is blurry at first as the world swims back into view, and I touch my tear-stained cheeks, feeling the throb of an oncoming headache from all the crying that Megan did. It takes everything in me not to chase after him and tell him to his face what a fucking coward he is, what a piece of shit for telling Megan he’d stick by her and then bailing once he saw the truth. But the results of the paternity test in front of me stop me as I stare down at them, seeing that same truth for myself.
Ian. The baby is Ian’s.
Before today, I knew I was scared. I was terrified of having a baby, but I’d still felt an attachment to the small life growing inside of me, the possibility of it. I’d been afraid to really go all in, though, to let myself develop a real, strong idea of myself as a mother, of this child I’m having, afraid that I would lose all of it to Megan and Kameron. But now—
Now, knowing with absolute certainty that Ian is the father, I feel my heart swell in my chest, until I feel as if I could explode with happiness. I remember all those nights ago in his apartment when he’d revealed he wanted kids with me. It had frightened me back into reality, letting Megan take back the wheel. But now it’s different.
Ian knows every part of me now, the good, the bad, and the totally royally fucked up. He believes in me, even though I don’t completely believe in myself. Every fiber of my being is terrified that our kid will end up like me, screwed up in the head, living a life of fractured misery.
How does someone get past fear like that?
It won’t happen.I hear Veronica’s cool, collected voice in my head.But if it does, he or she will have parents who understand. You, and they, will have Cal and Lauren. Helen. A whole network of people who understand and care and won’t judge. Who is willing to help. Your baby will never be alone like we were.
It’s not enough to take away the fear entirely, but it’s enough to calm my buzzing nerves and the sick sensation in my stomach.
The door opens then, and Cal pokes his head in. “Are you ready to go—” he hesitates, looking at me. “Alana?”
“Yes.” I nod, pushing myself up out of the chair and reaching for the other sealed envelope to give to Ian. “Can you take me to Ian’s?”
I can tell when I arrive that he’s been waiting on pins and needles. His hair is a mess as if he’s run his hands through it a thousand times. His face is both fearful and hopeful as he opens the door, and I step inside, handing him the sealed envelope as I stretch upwards to kiss his lips lightly, one hand on his chest.
He turns his back to me, holding the envelope, and I walk past him towards the hall that leads to his bedroom, stripping off articles of clothing as I go. Megan was the one who dressed this morning, and I feel as if I’m stripping her off, too; the life she lived for us, the life she wanted with Kam, the possibility of all that that’s gone now. I toss the floral chiffon blouse to the floor, unzip the pink fitted skirt, and kick away the leather flats. I leave a trail of clothing down the hall to the bedroom, dropping the full-coverage bra she wore to the carpet, shimmying out of her briefs, until I’m completely bare, naked for Ian as I perch on the foot of his bed like a goddess waiting for her subject, waiting for him.
When he walks in, I can tell that he’s been crying, his lashes faintly damp, but all it takes is one look at me, and his eyes fill with lust. “Alana,” he breathes, walking towards me, and we fall into the bed together, side by side as his hands tangle in my hair and he drags my lips to his.
“I love you, I love you,” he groans, already hard against my thigh through his jeans, and I tear at his clothes, stripping them away in my rush to get to his naked flesh, to feel him hot and straining against me.
He gets up, kicking away his clothing, moving to curl behind me as he pulls me close to him. I’m already as wet for him as he is hard for me. Ian guides himself easily inside of me from behind, hooking my leg over his as he spoons me, thrusting deep and rocking against me as his hands caress my body. He can’t get enough of me, his hands on my hair, my face, my breasts, my belly, one settling between my thighs to play with my clit as he grinds against me, whispering words of love into my ear.
“I love you too,” I pant, arching backward, desperate for more. “I’ll never leave you again, Ian, I swear—never.”
“No, you won’t,” he growls, his hand flattening over my pussy as he rubs his fingers harder between my folds. “You’re mine, Alana, you and our baby, and I’ll love you forever. I never stopped. You’ll always be mine.”
“Your wife,” I whisper, turning my head so I can kiss him, moaning against his mouth as the pleasure builds. “My husband—”
“We’ll have another wedding,” Ian promises, his voice thickening as he gets closer to his climax, his cock solid and throbbing inside me. “A better one—”
“I don’t care about that,” I promise him. “All I need or want is right here.”
Ian groans at that, kissing me fiercely as he pushes deeper and thrusts harder, our bodies clinging together as we careen towards the brink of pleasure. He presses his lips against my neck when he comes, my orgasm spurred by his, my pussy clenching around his cock as he fills me, sucking on my throat as we writhe and cry out together.
He doesn’t pull out, staying inside of me as he softens. His hands stroke my hair, pushing it away from my neck as he licks and bites and kisses me there, peppering them across my shoulder and down my back until I feel him stiffen inside of me again, his cock hardening despite the intensity of his orgasm a few minutes before, and I moan.
“I’ll never get enough of you,” Ian groans. “Never. I could never get tired of making love to you.”
“Neither could I,” I gasp. “But I want to see you this time.”
He rolls over, slowly slipping out of me so I can straddle him. I kneel between his legs first, bending to run my tongue over his shaft as I taste his cum and mine; the two of us mingled together. Ian closes his eyes, hands fisting in the sheets as he tosses his head back with a groan, and it sends a jolt of pure pleasure through me, seeing his.
“That feels so fucking good,” he moans. “But I want to be inside of you, Alana. I want to feel you around me.”
I lick him once more, sucking the tip of his cock and swirling my tongue before I move up to straddle him, feeling his swollen head brushing against my sensitive flesh. An idea comes to me, and I reach down, wrapping my hand around his shaft as I lean back, parting my folds with his cock and rubbing the tip against my sensitive clit.
“What are you—ohfuck, that’s hot,” Ian groans, his eyes widening as he takes in the sight of me using his cock like a sex toy, rubbing my clit with the tip as I stroke him, grinding against the most sensitive part of his cock. “Fuck, Alana, are you going to come like that?”