“Why’d you hate hearing her?”
“She was silent for all these years, and then suddenly she wouldn’t stop talking,” I tell her. “It was annoying, and I couldn't think straight.”
“How would you say your relationship with Veronica is after that?”
I shrug. “Haven’t spoken to her. She’s here, but she’s faint, and she hasn’t said anything. Before, I couldn’t feel her at all, though.”
“Her sticking around seems like a step in the right direction,” Dr. Lyce says as she nods. “Like she wants to communicate with you more often. Is that something you’d be open to?”
“No, but I’m going to have to if I don’t want this kid to be confused.”
I wish I could tell what she’s thinking. How is it possible for her to remain so expressionless? She’s so stone-faced it makes her impossible to read.
“You don’t want to communicate with Megan and Veronica to make your own lives easier?”
I shake my head. “If I didn’t have to, I wouldn’t. That would mean sharing one life with them. I’m not interested in anything they have going on, and they would say the same for me.”
“It would make daily life less of a guessing game if the three of you decided to communicate more frequently.”
I can’t help but roll my eyes at the very familiar phrase.
“You don’t have to try and sell me on it. I’ve already decided that’s what we need to do,” I say, not even trying to hide the bitterness in my voice. “Whatever it is I have to do to get this going. I’m ready.”
She gives me an approving nod as she writes on her yellow notepad. “Veronica already seems to be on board. What about Megan?”
“I have no clue how she feels about it.”
“Did being in Cancun affect your relationship with her?”
“Pfft.” I let out a disdainful laugh. “We’d have to have a relationship for it to be affected. She won’t talk to me. She did once while we were there, but it was to tell me to calm down after her jackass boyfriend left.”
“And your relationship with Megan has always been like this,” she states
I take a moment to think back to the early days when she didn’t even know I existed, and I shake my head. “Not always. When we were young, she didn’t know I was there really, but I was well aware of her. There were plenty of times I tried to help her by talking to her, but she’d ignore me, so I started to do the shit I was telling her to do myself.”
“Have there been many of those instances?” she inquires further.
“Plenty. Between the foster homes with handsy dads and brothers, the group home where everyone loved to bully her, and that shitty psychiatrist that liked underaged girls, I have plenty to choose from.”
“Sounds like you’ve been protecting her since you were young,” she states knowingly.
“She doesn’t see it like that,” I tell her.
“What makes you say that?”
“Well,” I say slowly. “After spending almost two weeks with her boyfriend, I’ve learned that they want nothing more than to be free of me so that I won’t try to ruin Megan’s life anymore, and they can run off into the fucking sunset together. But I’ve known for a long time that she wants me gone even though I’m the one constantly rescuing her. I’m the big bad wolf in her eyes and the sole reason bad shit happens to her. She’s probably going to find some way to twist this entire Cancun shitshow to be my fault instead ofKameron’s.That’s how this shit always ends, with her blaming me even though I saved her ass.”
I look off to the side, more irritated than I was after saying all of that. I’ve been trying to keep it at bay, but the idea of the two of them getting back together pops in my head and makes it impossible for me to think straight.
“It’s just that she’s so fucking naive, it’s hard to watch,” I continue. “She wants this regular, normal life, but she ignores that there’s something wrong with us. She thinks all of her problems will just go away if someone says they’re going to be able to handle this shit storm we are, but nobody ever can. She had all these plans to marryKam,but he couldn’t even accept the fact that he wasn’t only getting Megan. She couldn’t see that he wasn’t acceptingher.Eventually, our switching back and forth was going to be too much for him, and he was going to say fuck this.”
“And you’re worried Megan’s going to get hurt?” She asks me.
I laugh at the familiarity of the accusation.
“No,” I emphasize. “I just want her to stop being so stupid and to stop trusting people so easily.”
She nods. “Okay, but I also heard that when she blindly walks into situations, you’re worried that she’s not going to get the outcome she wants, and she'll get hurt,” she explains. “And that each time you have to ‘rescue her,’ you get a little more resentful towards her because you always come out looking like the bad guy. You sound like you care for her, but you’re bitter towards her for not seeing that.”