“So you’re making it easier for her to be with Ian,” I finish for her.
She looks down at the table and nods.
“Yeah. After all she’s done for us to keep us safe, she deserves to know some happiness, right?” She looks at me, distress in her eyes, but there’s a smile pushing through, one that says she believes whole-heartedly in her decision and that she wants me to see it that way too. “The way she feels about Ian and how she used him to get her through what she had to do made me realize how much she needs him. She’s not impulsive with him, and she’s not constantly in survival mode. For once in her life, she found someone that makes her feel safe, and for her, I think that’s a bigger deal than anything.”
I nod, my eyes fixed on a point beside her head. Knowing Alana’s history, I know where each of Veronica’s reasons is coming from, so I can agree that, yes, Alana deserves a life where she isn’t on defense all the time. And Ian- hasn’t fought harder for anything in his life as he has been trying to get over Alana and get her back.
But even still, I can’t stop myself from being concerned about how Veronica’s going to deal moving forward. I’ll never stop wondering if I don't find out now.
“Is there any way you can be happy too?” I ask. “You deserve it as much as they do.”
“I can find joy in other things,” she answers sadly. “But I’ve never seen Alana thrive and change for the better like she does when she’s with Ian. Besides, it’s notjustAlana I’m thinking about,” she adds. “But the baby also. This child needs all of us to be better than we have been. We can’t keep on as divided as we are, and right now, the biggest issues are the differences in our love lives and who the father is. Since you and I never had a chance, it doesn’t make sense to hold on to what could be, I think.”
And there it is, the definite end to a love that never was. It shouldn’t hurt as much as it does, but I’m only human, and I smile through the pain, mourning a future that we’d never even been allowed to have.
“I can respect that,” I tell her, fighting against the crevice forming in my chest. “But that’s not going to make me stop being here for you when you need me. You know that, right?” I take her hand across the table and hold it in mine. “I’m still going to be around whenever you need me.”
She smiles softly at me, and her eyes begin to dampen once more. “That’s exactly why I fell for you. You’ve never let any of us down.”
“I couldn’t if I tried,” I admit. “But Megan isn’t too happy with me. She hasn’t been in a while.”
“She’ll come to her senses,” Veronica reassures me. “After what Kam did, I don’t think she’s going to hold that grudge anymore.”
“Speaking of,” I say as a different issue comes up at the mention of him. “What if Kam ends up being the father? He’s not going to step down so easily to let Megan stay with Ian if that’s what the three of you agree to.”
She nods, but I already know she has an answer.
“I don’t think he has much of a say in this,” she states. “I’m sure some kind of custody agreement will be reached, but as far as them being together, Alana and I would both be insane to sit back and let that happen, but I hope it doesn’t come to that.”
I already know the only way Alana would let Megan go back to Kam was over her dead body.
“There’s something else I want to bring up to you,” she digresses, scooting closer to the table, and instantly, my curiosity piques. Her face goes from stern to coy and flirty in point five seconds. “And this is going to sound weird; I already know it. It’s going to throw you off a bit, but I just ask that you consider it.”
I should have known something else was coming. Both Alana and Veronica have their own unique ways of catching me off guard.
“Okay,” I say slowly. “What is it?”
“Alright.” She nervously leans forward on the table and clasps her hands together. “Okay. So, I know I just said that nothing can come of us in the long term.” I nod when she pauses. “But what if for one night we could pretend?”
Her eyes shine as she talks, boring into me as she waits for me to respond. But I don’t know how to because I’m not sure if she’s serious or even if what I’m thinking is what she means.
“What are you talking about?” I ask her.
“I mean that I want to spend one night with you,” she clarifies, and it turns out, I was going down the right path. I only respond with a blink, and she keeps going when I remain silent. “Just a little piece of what could have been. One night of us on a date and then sex afterward.”
That gets me out of my frozen state of shock.
“Woah, Veronica, I don’t know if I can-”
“Yes, youcango on one date with a woman you like,” she pushes. This time she takes my hand in hers and looks me right in my eyes, intent on convincing me. How can I say no to that, knowing she feels so strongly about it? She looks so eager, like she’s put so much thought into it, but there’s too much shit standing in the way.
“Joshua, I just want to know what it’s like.”
“You want to know what sex is like,” I repeat slowly, and she pauses, and her eyes lock on mine.
“To feel what love is like,” she says, her voice only slightly breaking, and my heart thuds so loud in my chest I wouldn’t be shocked if I died this moment. If I could only fulfill one promise my entire life, it would be to give her this, but how in the hell would this work?
“Have you spoken to Megan and Alana about this?” I ask her first and foremost. “How do they feel about it?”