31
Blue
I can’t saythat I was waiting on a call from Veronica, but I damn sure was hoping I’d get one. She never fails to get in contact with me when she comes out, and I’ve been dying to hear from her since Ian told me she was back. But I feel guilty as I ride through the suburbs, following the GPS to get to her. I know Ian’s been miserable, and having to keep this a secret from him is making me feel nauseous. I’m getting to see her while he’s waiting to get a call. He’s going to be fucking pissed if he finds out I came to see her before him. I wanted to tell him, and I almost did, but I didn’t want to give Veronica something else to deal with after she just got back. She said it wasn’t like the last time, so I don’t think I’ll be caught off guard with some wild ask.
But I can’t help but wonder what’s going on. What is it that she wants to talk to me about that had her sounding so melancholy? I know she just got out of a shitty situation, but there was something more in her voice that sounded off. I’m fucking elated I’m going to see her, but I’m nervous about how this is going to go.
When I’m in front of Cal and Lauren’s massive house, I take a second to admire it, a quick distraction from the nerves in my gut before I finally send Veronica a text.
Five minutes later, she comes out the door. If there’s anything I’ve learned about the three of them, it’s that their styles are vastly different, their resting expression changes, and they don’t have the same walk. Even though she’s dressed like Megan, I know this is Veronica. The expression on her face is more relaxed than I’ve ever known Megan’s to be. And the way she walks tips me off too. Her shoulders are back, her chin’s up, and her walk is more confident. Not like Alana’s take down the world bad-bitch walk, but it’s definitely more self-assured than Megan’s.
The relief that takes over me as I watch her come toward me is indescribable. Now, all I have to worry about is why her voice was so sad when we spoke.
She opens the door, and the second she’s settled into the passenger seat, I lean over and pull her into me. It’s an awkward over-the-center console side hug, but I still pull her as close as I can, and I hold her to me for a moment, not wanting to let her go.
“Shit, I was worried about you,” I say into her hair as she slowly hugs me back, but she doesn’t say anything.
Instead, she burrows deeper into the side of my neck, and her arms tighten around me. Her tense shoulders begin to quiver, and I hold her as she cries, trying not to shed my own tears. I want to give her some words of reassurance, but I don’t think that’s what she’s looking for at this moment. I’ll listen when she wants to start talking, but for now, I remain silent as she quietly sobs.
When she finally pulls away from me, she quickly wipes her eyes, then smiles like she’s holding back more.
“Hey,” she speaks in a whisper, looking at me with teary eyes before averting her gaze to my chest. “Thanks for coming.”
I’m sure she knows I’d come to her no matter where she called from.
“You don’t have to thank me,” I tell her, hoping she’ll look at me, but for some reason, she won’t. I don’t have a good feeling about this at all. “You want to go get a little something to eat?”
She sniffles before wiping her eyes and nodding. “Yeah. That sounds good. You can pick a place.”
She sits back in her seat, reaches for her seatbelt, and goes silent, staring out the windshield, a sad aura surrounding her. I have too many questions on the tip of my tongue, but I keep them to myself. I don’t want to push her into talking. I figure she’ll open up when she’s ready. But thinking about what could be on her mind is killing me. Is she going to talk to me about what happened in Cancun? About helping her move out of the condo? No, that seems like a Megan conversation. Would she ask for my help? Maybe that’s why Veronica’s doing it? Because she knows Megan can’t or won’t? Or she wants me to track Kam down since nobody knows where he could have run off to. But I couldn’t do any more than her brothers already had.
I have no idea what’s on her mind right now, especially not after the ordeal that just ended. But by the time we come to a stop in front of a little sandwich shop, I’m more than anxious to hear what she has to say.
Inside, we place our orders at the counter before taking a seat at a table in the back corner.
We’re sitting here for a few moments as she stares into her soup, and the mystery behind her request to see me only grows. But still, despite my ever increasing curiosity, I wait for her to go when she’s ready.
She peaks at me from her cup, and I try to give her a push of encouragement with a warm smile, telling her that whatever she has to say, she can say it and that I’ll be okay hearing whatever it is.
“I promise I’ll start talking any moment,” she says with a nervous laugh. “I just- I’m just not sure how to say it, and I don’t want to say it.”
I swallow to contain the unease that’s continuing to creep up.
“Take your time.” I can see how much she’s struggling with whatever it is and that it’s hurting her to think about.
On the outside, I’m calm but only for her. Inside, I’m terrified she’s going to tell me about some fucked up shit that happened in Cancun. I can’t make any promises that I wouldn’t put all my efforts into finding Kam wherever the fuck he is to make him pay for this shit. But I remain passive for her. It’s taking me a lot to do so, but somehow I manage to pull it off.
She lets out a shaky breath through her lips, then, finally, she looks at me, and her watery blue eyes tear me up inside.
“Blue, I think- No. I know that recently, I’ve made you think that there might be a future for us.” Her words knock all the anger out of me, and I sit up straighter as she starts letting me in on what she’s been thinking about. “But that can’t happen with us. I- I wanted us to be something, and I hoped that we could be. I really did. But I’m trying to do what’s best for this baby and at the same time give Alana her happiness.”
When she finishes talking, it’s like the breath has been knocked out of me. I’m fucking relieved she didn’t have some dark shit to tell me. I’m not sure how I would have handled that other than wanting to put Kam in the hospital. But as her words sink in, her sad vibrations take me in a chokehold now that I realize what this means. I sit back in my seat as her words fully register, not even about to try to change her mind about this. Why would I? There’s already too much shit working against us; I knew that and told her. Although I didn’t have my hopes up for any kind of romantic relationship between us, I could never do that to Ian. Still, to hear the finality of it expressed out loud is almost crushing, and something I didn’t expect to hurt as much as it is.
But I can’t stop myself from asking questions.
“Is Alana okay?” I ask her. “What made you change your mind?”
She lets out a heavy sigh. “Yes, she’s okay. It’s just that Alana- I realized when we were in Cancun, she’s been our savior our entire life. In every bad situation we’ve been in, she always gets us out. I’ve been watching her do it for years, and while we were in Cancun, I really saw the toll it takes on her. I think that for all she’s been through, she deserves something much bigger than a simple thank you.”