16
Alana
Men are so easy.They all think with their dicks. I stare at the door, a little amused though not entirely surprised. Golden boy Kam's red face and wide eyes as he stared at me are burned into my memory. Clearly, he liked what he saw more than what he’d like for me to have known. I did think it would take more than seeing me in Megan’s old lady bed wear. Shit looks like she got it out of some grandmother’s armoire and everything inside smells like mothballs.
But to Kam, this look is the hottest shit, apparently. It had him speechless.
I…did not expect that to be so easy,Veronica says, stunned.I thought he’d show a little more control than that.
Of course, he wouldn’t; he’s a fucking man after all. Their dick leads to all of their downfalls.
You’re intelligent under all of that bratty sass,Veronica says, her tone full of encouragement, with just a hint of condescension.
I don’t say anything as I chew my lip and consider what she’s saying. There’s a lot that can backfire with this, and I’m not sure I want to run that risk. I don’t have the patience to take a chance.
It’s not like you to worry. You’ve done more dangerous things on impulse. Why the sudden change?
Because, Veronica, I could make a quick escape before. I can’t do that now, and I could be in here for a lot longer if this doesn’t go as planned.
Okay,she says.I get that. But from what I’ve seen of Kam, both with you and Megan, he isn’t going to back away that easy. He leaves to regroup, and then he comes back once he feels like he has himself together. Don’t be obvious about it. You barely lifted a finger a few minutes ago. Yet, I’m sure you could have gotten him to commit murder by how discombobulated he was. Sneaking up on him was a nice touch, by the way.
Her attempt to lighten the mood works. I can’t help but snicker.
You saw how tense his shoulders were?I say.I just wanted to scare him. I didn’t know he was going to freak out that hard.
You don’t have the most relaxing presence.
Aww, thank you.
She chuckles.Only you would take that as a compliment.
Sounded like one to me.
She doesn’t say anything for a moment, and my stomach twirls. I’m not sure if it’s the kid or my complete disdain for what I’m going to have to do, but whatever it is, it makes me feel sick.
I let a deep breath out through my nose, my gaze stuck on the ceiling. I’m not sure how long Kam’s been gone, but it feels like forever, and now I actually am hungry. I keep catching whiffs of the tomato soup still on the floor, and I can almost taste it.
Pushing myself up on the bed, I rub my hands over my face, ready to get out of this fucking room. Every day I grow more restless, and the urge to flip the fuck out on Kam only increases. I’m getting sick of seeing this place. I’ve been beyond sick of it since the first day. I can’t let it eat me alive like it’s trying to, but I don’t know how much longer I can take it.
I get off the bed and go to the window to look out at the perfect view of the backyard I have. However perfect it is, I still hate it. It’s a fucking tease. I can see the perfectly manicured green grass, the palm trees swaying in the wind, and the little octagonal cedar gazebo, but I can’t get to it. But, as gorgeous as it is out there, it doesn’t matter if I don’t even want to fucking be here.
But it would be nice to inhale fresh fucking air and swim in the pool. I know the water will feel amazing, and it’ll take some of the pressure off my body. This would be a little easier if I could just find some way to relax, and letting water hold me will do the job.
Just this once, I let my thoughts drift to the pissed-off tour guide Ian and I were met with when we finally made it back to the group. I smile at the memory. Neither of us gave a fuck about how annoyed the tour guide was or that the group had to wait on us; we were too lost in each other to care. That was the happiest I can ever remember being, when it was just Ian and me ignoring the rest of the world, needing nobody but each other. What I wouldn’t give to be back there right now. I’ve never been one to regret things. Life happens and you deal with it, but not telling Ian the truth is a ghost that haunts me more than I’d ever admit to anyone.
My soul aches for him.
I’ve never given anyone as much as I’ve given Ian; nobody’s ever been worth it. I couldn’t help but sing out to him while I was in the shower. Even though I don’t believe in that cosmic bullshit, I’m putting my faith in it now, hoping with everything in me that he can feel how much I love him. I need him to know that everything I’ve put him through was meant to keep him from all the confusion and heartache that comes with me, that I loved him too much to put him through that.
But now, all I want is to get back to him. To feel his arms around me, his presence that always made me believe everything would be okay though I knew the truth.
I’ve been trying not to think of him while I’m in this shithole; it only makes me miss him that much more. I have to get back to him. I can’t be stuck here with Kam. Each day I’m here hurts Ian more, and he’s been hurt enough, and he’s done nothing to deserve this.
Ian would never do this to keep me from leaving. He was never controlling, even when he tried to get me to see things his way. He always let me come around on my own time. He was always patient with me. He would have never forced me to do anything I didn’t want to do. Ian’s the better man; I knew that already but I hope it’s getting through to Megan.
I have to get back to Ian.
Whatever it takes.