I bite down on my back teeth at her words. I already know the reason behind Veronica and I’s existence, but that doesn’t make me any more ready to be besties with Megan just so she can get a grip on the state of her own mind. I tried talking to her and helping her. I attempted to guide her through situations that made her uncomfortable. All she ever did was ignore me, tell me to shut up, and take pills to try and get rid of me.
And Veronica knows all of this since she’s been around for the past ten years. She’s seen the struggle I’ve gone through to help Megan, yet at the end of the day, I’m always the bad guy. And I’m not going to give her the power or space she needs to impede me. Why would I want to give up control and let her be in charge after all of this shit?
Her talk of integration is a futile one. Megan isn’t capable of anything, really. I’m not going to sit back and have some talk about a fucking peace treaty with her when she’s the one that’s been making it hard all these years.
If you haven’t noticed, Veronica, Megan doesn’t want us around. She doesn’t see us as an asset. We’re more like a burden to her. She’s never listened to me before. She’s not going to start now.
I get what you’re saying. I really do, she confirms.But I know you’ve been listening in on the sessions with Dr. Lyce. If you and Megan actually talked for once and found common ground, we could lead one life where we’re all happy. You and Megan have never spoken besides you taunting her. The only thing the two of you do is get in one another’s way. This pregnancy would be easier and go a lot smoother if the two of you stopped fighting each other.
I scoff. I’m not trying to be lectured right now or talked into playing nice with Megan. It's not like I haven’t tried before- she’s the one that decided she wants nothing to do with me.
Why the fuck would I want to do that?I ask her.And why the fuck am I the one that has to make the first move? I’ve tried to be nice, but she pushed me away, so why should I bother? The bottom line is that she’s not capable of being in charge, and we’ll be right back in a situation where I have to play the hero. You’re wasting your energy and mine talking about this.
If you two would stop treating each other like enemies, then maybe you’d be able to communicate with her when things start going bad. It would be more beneficial to have her in tune with us.
What makes you think I want to hear her in my head too? I barely even want to talk to you,I tell her truthfully.
She hesitates for a moment.I wouldn’t be talking if I didn’t think you needed me right now. And you wouldn’t be out if you didn’t think Megan needed you.
At that, I laugh.Megan didn’t know how to handle her perfect Kam, and you won’t deal with shit like this. I’m out because neither of you would have been able to get out of here alone.
Well, you’re going to have to let me help you,she says.If you keep on the way you are, he’s never going to let you out of this room. If you want to stop being treated like a criminal, then stop acting like one. Get used to hearing my voice because I’m not going to abandon you. I know you can do this alone, but you don’thaveto. That’s the point of communicating with you to begin with.
I’m getting ready to tell her to fuck off, that I don’t need her in my ear helping me do something I’ve been doing for years now, when the doorknob jingles, and all of my attention is directed towards the door.
Now that he has finally came back, I don’t want him here, no matter how hungry I am. I keep my back turned to the door, not feeling like getting into it with him right now. Running on zero sleep, I don’t know if I’ll be able to keep calm like oh so wise Veronica suggests I should.
But I don’t hear the door shut. I thought he’d leave if I ignored him, but I guess not.
I push myself up, struggling to do so, and I turn around to face him.
He looks like shit, like he didn’t sleep either. He changed his clothes since yesterday. Either he went out and got more, or he had some stashed somewhere. There are bags under his eyes which are red around the rims. The smell he brings in with him wafts over to me, smelling like soap, and his hair is wet and pushed back.
“You look like shit,” I tell him, looking him up and down. He remains stone-faced as he stares at me, not saying anything. “You just decided to stop knocking altogether?”
He stares at me a moment, then says in a low, tired voice, “I didn’t know if you’d be awake, and I didn’t want to wake you if you weren’t.”
“How considerate of you.” I roll my eyes, my tone heavy with sarcasm. “So were you just going to stand there and watch me sleep? That’s fucking pervy.”
He squints his eyes at me. “I figured if you were awake, you’d acknowledge me, and if not, I was just going to let you sleep. I don’t see what’s pervy about that.”
He leans over and picks the empty tray up off the floor before he stands back up.
“I’m glad you ate your food instead of wasting it again,” he says with just a hint of frustration. “I thought I’d come in and see it mixed in with this mess you made.”
“The messyoumade me make,” I correct him. “If you hadn’t locked me in here, this never would have happened.” And just to throw off his relaxed demeanor, I add. “And you don’t know if I ate or not. I could have flushed it down the toilet for all you know.”
He frowns at me, and his mouth opens to say something, but I let out a laugh at how easily I got to him.
“Calm down. I ate it,” I tell him. “And I want breakfast now. I’m fucking starving. It didn’t cross your mind that the pregnant woman you have locked in a room might get hungry or might get a craving for something a few hours after a meal? Did you even think to come back and ask if I wanted something to eat?”
The frown that was on his face is wiped away when I see him realize he should have considered that without having to be reminded, especially with how much Megan snacked. My words aren’t just meant to make him feel like shit. Although it is the main reason why I pointed it out, it’s something he should have thought of, especially since he’s made it his business to keep me here.
“Bring me waffles,” I say as he stares at me, shame-faced. “With strawberries, and put peanut butter on them while you're at it.”
Without another word, he gives me a nod and leaves the room, and I flop back into the bed.
That’s better,Veronica tells me.That was nice for you.
I was onlythatnice because I’m hungry.
Still, see how easy it was.
Yes, I saw how fucking easy it was! But I’m not going to admit it. I don’t want to beniceto Kam. I want to drive him up a wall and make him regret this decision. And I hate it so much that beingniceto him gets results.
Shut up,I tell Veronica as I realize I might need to adjust my attitude, for now at least.