11
Alana
The sunfinally came back up after hours of what seemed like a never-ending night. That was the longest night of my life. I slept, but like ass. No amount of tossing and turning could help me knock out despite my tiredness. The bed is too fucking soft, and with this belly, I sink right into the mattress in the most uncomfortable fucking way imaginable. For a while, I sat on the reading nook and stared out the window, so my lower back stopped feeling like it’s shifted, until sitting up straight got to be unbearable. I need one of those pregnancy pillows that makes laying down comfortable. I have four pillows as a poor substitute placed just so and stuffed under me, so my stomach isn’t such a burden. I’m still uncomfortable, but I’m finding it to be a constant that comes with being pregnant, and it’s only amplified by this shitty, shitty mattress.
And on top of this mattress being intolerable, I’m starving.
I ate what Kameron left, but it’s no joke eating for two people. Kam left a bowl full of some decent pasta along with two slices of garlic bread that I ended up devouring all of. I was starving since Megan didn’t eat anything that morning, and then I knocked what Kam made me to the ground. Somewhere in the middle of the night, my stomach started growling even after the large meal I scarfed down. I normally don't eat that much, but I inhaled what was on the tray. It probably got digested so quickly since I skipped two meals and this thing inside of me is a little vacuum. I actually wanted Kam to come back so I could make him bring me something to eat, but I guess I scared him off.
I don’t think he’s grasped the idea of this kid not being his; it was all over his face before he left out the door yesterday. He says he can handle it, but the shit he’s pulled already proves that he hasn’t. He doesn’t even know who the kid’s father is, but he’s doing everything he can to keep Megan here all to himself, so he doesn’t have to worry about losing her to Ian. He’s not going to be able to keep it together if the kid isn’t his; he’s already lost it, and the little thing hasn’t even been born yet. He’s going to shatter into a tiny million pieces if the baby ends up being mine and Ian’s.
We’re one person,Veronica says, interrupting my thoughts.
I suck my teeth at the sound of her voice. She hasn’t spoken since I told her I was going to block her out, but she’s coming to me again. In the quiet of the room, I can hear her voice a lot louder, and there’s no getting away from her know-it-all tone. At the moment, however, her voice isn’t as grating and nagging as it normally is, but still, it annoys me.
We might share a body, but that doesn’t mean I’m her. We’re completely different. Three minds cramped into one body. I don’t want her life, she doesn’t want mine, and you don’t want what either of us have.
It doesn’t have to be like this, though,Veronica says.All we have to do is start communicating, and we can have one life instead of living three.
You say that,I start, annoyed she’s getting in the way of me thinking. I knew she was going to be a distraction.But you moved in on Blue the first chance you got. That doesn’t sound like you want to live one life. Dragging a third person into this says the opposite, actually.
I feel her hesitation, and I know she’s picking her words, so she says just the right thing to convince me that my accusation isn’t what it seems like.
I had motives for why I did that,she says, her tone calm but cool.
And what were they, Veronica?I close my eyes and shake my head.To bring another dude into this shit show that’s already going on? What reason was good enough for you to drag Blue along in what’s already a disaster?
I was planning to stay the duration of our pregnancy, and I needed help,she explains.Our brothers are a bit overbearing, if you haven’t noticed, and Kam and Ian would have been at each other’s throats. Blue was the best option.
No!Isay, shaking my head.Being alone would’ve been a better option other than getting Blue involved.
She’s quiet before she says,I’ve realized that may not have been the best way to approach it. I was attempting to create a more stable environment since Megan was having an attack of conscience.
I scoff, remembering the day she tried to run from the possibility that Ian is this kid's dad.
Selfish bitch.
That wasn’t her first time making a shitty decision, and it won’t be her last, I tell her.
That won’t be her last time making a mistake like that, and it’ll only persist if we remain as divided as we are.
Now I let an annoyed groan out.
Save it,I tell her before she goes further.The last thing I want to talk about is ‘integration’ or whatever the fuck. After this, Megan just needs to stay tucked away and let me stay where I am.
You know that isn’t how this works,she says sternly.
It could if she doesn’t try to take the lead. Why the hell would I want to give her control when she constantly gets herself into shit like this.
Not herself, Alana,Veronica says.Us, we. We aren’t separate entities- we’re one person with personalities that are more characterizable and distinctly different than someone without our condition.
Is that how you make yourself feel better about sharing a body with Megan and me?I ask her, genuinely curious. I need to know what makes her so okay with sharing a body with someone as naive as Megan.
She’s silent for a second, contemplating something. She’s hesitating.
Spit it out,I demand.
Alana,she says softly.You and I are the altars. You might not want to recognize it, but the fact of the matter is that Megan needs to come to terms with us if we want life to be easy for the baby and us.