50
JEM
I’m lateto the gig because Ruby Riot’s familiar sound blasts through the open doors as I arrive. There’s a strange irony in Ruby Riot playing here tonight—the venue I first saw them in months ago. The last time Ruby Riot played here the crowd was half the size, the band relatively unknown. The few tables are empty as most people are standing and under Ruby’s spell. I slide onto a seat so I can stay in the shadows.
Watching the band achieve what I hoped wipes the shit of today from my mind and fills my head with colour and sound. Dylan offered to come with me and when I became snarly that he wanted to keep an eye on me, he backed off. Dylan knows I need to be alone—this is me locking myself into a different space and not slipping.
The band gets tighter as they gig more often and as Blue Phoenix’s support act for the next tour, the whole world will get to share them. Accusations they only got the gig because of Jem Jones’s involvement with the lead singer fall away as the music world recognises what I did that first night at this same venue. Talent.
The power Ruby had over me the first night never wanes. Her hair tumbling across her face as her powerful voice competes with Jax’s heavy guitar for supremacy and wins, this girl is a fucking goddess. Not only her looks but Ruby’s strength, her passion, the new self-belief. They create a phenomenal person who reached into herself, grasped the vines of the past strangling her, and tore them out. I saw Ruby grow in front of my eyes and this allowed her to turn away from me when I broke her apart.
She’s the Ruby she deserves to be, free from assholes who can’t tell her when they love her.
I imagine the colours we talked about swimming around her head; the ones I see too if I close my eyes. Regret coils around my heart the longer I look at Ruby. She’s me—or the me I would like to be.
If I were in the movies, I’d walk on stage and kiss the girl beneath the strobing lights. I’d confess my undying love with a song dedicated to Ruby. But life isn’t like the movies, and we’re certainly not typical when it comes to that shit. Probably, she’d tell me to piss off. Instead, I watch and wait.
When the set finishes, I don’t move. The crowds thin as the evening ends with only a couple of double-take glances thrown my way as most don’t notice me.
Half an hour later, the band re-appears to get drinks and dismantle their gear. Ruby sits on the edge of the stage, long legs crossed and barefoot. Her skin shines, hair damp, my post-gig Ruby soaked in happiness. Jax approaches with a bottle of water and she smiles as he passes it to her.
Then he kisses her forehead, running a finger across her face as he steps back.
My world of colour darkens as I watch them, the old insecurity niggling. Are they together? Is this the real reason she’s keeping me at a distance? Jax wanders over to where Will and Nate dismantle the drum kit, and I’m on the verge of leaving as the turmoil of my day is joined by more. This is exhausting. A few minutes later, Ruby disappears and my inner debate rages. Do I follow or stay?
Jax would be better for her, Jem.
But I can’t let Ruby slip away, not without a fight.
The door to the Green Room is open and Ruby sits on the edge of the dilapidated sofa, gripping her water. The dampness on her face isn’t only perspiration. Tears travel slowly down her cheeks and she stares at her boots, mouth turned down. But she looked happy minutes ago?
“Ruby?”
Looking up sharply, she scrubs away the tears with the back of her hand, but new ones shine in her eyes.
“Can I talk to you?” She nods but doesn’t speak, and her distress radiates across the room. Quietly, I close the door. “Are you okay?”
“I’m surprised to see you, Jem,” she replies, turning concerned eyes to mine. “Your mum’s funeral was today?”
Now it’s my turn to nod.
“You were good tonight,” I say after a few moments of silence that shouldn’t be as awkward as we make them.
“Thanks.” She pauses. “How are you?”
“Pretty crap. You?”
She gives a small smile. “About the same.”
“What’s wrong?”
Ruby’s hair hangs in her eyes and she blows strands away. “Jax is still worried about the tour in January.”
“Why?”
She chews her lip. “In case we… this ending between us means Blue Phoenix don’t want Ruby Riot to support anymore.”
“Huh. I’m not that unprofessional. I put a crap load of time and money into you guys.”