VIOLA
Should I run after her or send one of the boys? I stare at her retreating form until she stops dead in the middle of the field and sits down, butt on the long grass, head between her knees. If she’s crying again…
I drag in a breath and make the long walk toward the center of the pitch. By the time I get there, I’m cursing her under my breath. The field is wet and muddy and it’s starting to fucking rain again.
Her shoulders are shaking, but she’s not making any noise. Is she crying? I don’t know what to do so I tentatively stand next to her and put a hand on her shoulder.
“Please don’t make me go back there.” After a few seconds she adds. “He comes into my room at night.”
Fucking bastard.
“If you don’t want to go back, you can stay here,” I say, instantly regretting the words that are coming out of my mouth. I can’t even look after myself, never mind a teenage girl. “Although Quinn will have to look after us both because I suck at it,” I say.
After a few seconds, Pascal looks up at me. “You promise?”
I hate making promises I can’t keep.
But I need her to stop crying and come in from the rain.
“I promise,” I say. “But let’s keep this between us for now.”
After Lorcan cookseveryone dinner in the canteen kitchen, I make my way to my room to get dressed for the trade. Pascal has agreed to come with me as long as I don’t leave her behind once we’ve got Lily. Maybe I should feel guilty for using her as bait, but what else can I do? I can’t leave Lily in Kristian’s hands. And I can’t just sit and do nothing. I’m used to taking control. I need to do something to keep my darkness sated because if I don’t, I might just go a little stir crazy.
Dante. Where the fuck are you?
And why the hell does Lily keep getting herself kidnapped? Once she gets here, we’re going to have words. Maybe Dante can train her a little to make sure she’s not unnecessarily putting herself at risk.
If Dante comes back.
I don’t even know if he’s alive. But if he was dead, Griffin would have rubbed it in my face. Maybe I shouldn’t have told him about his parents. He was so dismissive about the information I gave him. Was he never fucking curious? Adrien killed his mother and his father, and then turned him into a monster just like me.
Adrien did this to him. To me. To us.
I wouldn’t be like this if Adrien hadn’t molded me. My whole life has been test after fucking test. He pushed me so far to see if I would break.
“You can let him fuck you, take your virginity, or you can gut him like a fish,” Adrien says. I’ve just turned fourteen. This isn’t the first test, and it won’t be the last. But it’s the worst one so far.
He places the knife under the pillow next to my head. I can’t move my head too much because the drugs have kicked in, but I’m not so far gone that I don’t know the choices he’s given me.
He’s always giving me choices.
And when I choose the right one, I get to live.
After that, Adrien goes. He leaves the light on because he likes to watch through the two-way mirror above my dressing table. I lie on the bed, dipping in and out of consciousness, praying that I can move fast enough to save myself again.
I must have fallen asleep because I wake up to someone breathing heavily over me. It’s one of Adrien’s friends with peppery hair and dark eyes. He smells of alcohol and cigars. He chuckles as he leans over, his hands sliding up my skirt.
“Such a sweet thing,” he says in a gruff voice as he starts pulling down my knickers. My arms feel heavy and my brain too slow to catch up. I try to push him away.
“No, no, no,” I say. “Please.”
But I’m not strong enough.
“Shush, beautiful, this is going to feel so good,” he says, touching my intimate place, making tears leak from my eyes. I try to keep my legs closed but he just pushes them wide.
I move my hand higher under my pillow. The knife is no longer where my father left it. Panic clutches my chest. Where is it? The man fumbles with his trouser zipper and climbs on top, forcing himself between my legs. Gathering what strength I have, I scream and launch myself at him, biting his ear. He roars and smacks me back onto the bed.
There’s the sound of metal falling.