I pound the pavement until I get to the walkway in the fields that lead to the boys’ old stomping ground. There’s a huge lock on the doors of the wooden building where the boats are stored.
The boathouse itself is not locked, not anymore. But I don’t go inside. I run around it until I see him sitting, waiting.
Lorcan squints as he sees me coming down the jetty. It’s become a morning ritual for us to meet here and sit close to the lake. Lorcan doesn’t sneak into my room at night like he used to, so this is what we do now.
“Any word on Griffin?” I ask him, inhaling hard while I catch my breath.
Lorcan tugs his headphones off, shaking his head. “The bastard has gone underground. If what Lily said was true, Kristian was using Pascal to keep Griffin in check which means he could be swayed to our side.”
“He might know where my mother is,” I say.
Lorcan glances up at me again and nods as I sit down next to him taking my shoes and socks off to stick my feet in the cold water. Lorcan frowns because it’s mid-February. But if I’m cold inside, I may as well be cold outside too.
After a pause, Lorcan says, “He’s not like you and me, you know.”
“Who?” I say, even though I know very well who he means.
“Dino. Killing doesn’t come easy for him. You need to stop punishing him.”
I slide my gaze to him. “I thought that’s what you were doing?”
Lorcan’s jaw tightens as he stares at the lake. The apartments aren’t soundproof. I’ve heard the disagreements between the two of them over the last few days. Lorcan blames Dino for what happened to me. It’s all fucked up and no one has any balls to accept it and move on.
“I’m not going to break,” I say out loud. Because I’m already broken. And I have been for a very long time.
“No, but Sinner might.”
“What do you mean?”
“Killing his brother in front of him. Don’t do it. For the love of all things fucked up, keep him from ever seeing that. He saw his father murdered and butchered in front of him, and it broke him.”
“We’ve all seen dark things,” I say.
Lorcan snorts. “Not all of us can be shit hot assassins.”
“Fine, I get it. Keep Dino away from the darkness.”
After a pause, Lorcan speaks again. “How long are we staying here?”
“I don’t understand the question,” I say. And I don’t. We have nowhere else to go.
Lorcan sighs and scrubs his face with his hand, then he looks at me. “We’re really staying here? At our old school? With Psycho fucking Charlie calling the shots.”
I frown at him. I thought he was over this.
“I don’t trust him,” he adds. “None of us do.”
He means Dante. “Well I do, so fucking get used to it,” I say, teeth gritted. I go to grab my shoes and socks and stand up but he grabs my hand.
His green eyes are dark and tortured as he regards me. “You know I fucking miss you,” he says.
With a sigh, I sit down again. I don’t put my feet in the water. There’s only so much cold you can take. He eyes the space between us. It’s not enough he can’t reach over and touch me, but I can tell he’s hesitating. Desire clouds his face as he takes in the running gear I’m wearing.
This treating me like glass has to stop.
I lean over suddenly and press my lips to his. He doesn’t move at first. And then he does, gently taking me in his arms. His fingers curl in my hair as he brings me close.
I kiss him harder, closing my teeth on his soft lips, making him growl. He smells of woody cologne and windswept lakes. He tastes of something I’ve been missing and didn’t know I’d lost. My fingers entwine in his hair until they’re thick with it, then I break the kiss and snatch his head back.