VIOLA
The boys tiptoe around me for a few days. I don’t know what they think I’m going to do, but it’s like I’m on death row and there’s a ticking clock over my head counting down until the end of fucking time.
We take up quarters in the boarding house part of the school. Most of the school body were day students, but a small number actually lived here. Out of the six apartments with three double bedrooms each, we take the top floor which is the biggest and the most lavish. Quinn gets her own room and so do I. The boys take turns sleeping on the sofa or patrolling campus like we’re in some kind of military base.
Most nights I wake up sweating, pawing at the duvet, my throat hoarse from screaming. And all four of my newfound housemates come running in to check on me. Usually, Dante first. Then the boys and Quinn. Then I tell them all to fuck off and leave me alone.
“That wasn’t the first time that’s happened,” I say to Dino when he asks me for the hundredth time if I’m okay after bringing me a cup of coffee. I’m sitting in a chair, watching Quinn work a week after we arrived.
Quinn has turned the warden’s office on the ground floor of the boarding house into her own personal computer lab, complete with all her equipment she brought with her. She’s trying to find Rebecca.
I can’t do fuck all until I know she’s safe.
“It doesn’t work like that, and you know it,” Quinn says after Dino leaves sharpish.
I shoot her a look. “I’m not some delicate flower,” I say.
“Oh, I know that.” Quinn scowls. Her hair is tied back into a ponytail and her face is free of makeup. She’s not a girl to fuss over her looks, but she manages to pull it off effortlessly anyway. It’s one of the things I enjoy about her. “But PTSD can affect everyone. It doesn’t discriminate.”
I give her a blank look before putting my cup on the desk. “I’m going for a run.”
“Just tell me how you feel, and then you can go.”
“I feel fine,” I say.
She raises both brows. “Do you? Because last I checked you were beaten up and raped. There’s nothing wrong in taking the time to heal.”
I give her a look. “How can I take time to heal when Rebecca is still missing?”
“She’s your mother. She will understand. It’s her job to protect you, not the other way around.”
“My mother understands fuck all, hence the reason for her being in a mental institute all my adult fucking life,” I say acidly.
“What happened to you, V? The last time I saw you, you were starting to let others in. A major breakthrough. And now you’ve regressed back into a cold-blooded killer, I’m worried. You’re spending too much time with Dante, and not enough with those who care about you.”
Her words are starting to annoy me. I get to my feet. “Is that all?” I ask her, letting her see the ‘I don’t give a shit’ attitude in my eyes.
“Not yet. He’s no good for you, V. He’s an infectious disease. Every time you’re around him, you become this thing that’s dead inside,” Quinn adds.
I give her a blank look, showing just how dead inside I can be. “Can I go now?”
Quinn stares at me and then makes a waving motion with her hand. “Go, but please think about what I’ve said. I miss the Viola who was falling in love.”
I snort at that and walk out of Quinn’s office to go for that run.
“Dante will be waiting for you in the medical bay to check on your hand,” Quinn calls out as I’m closing the door behind me.
Cool air breezesthrough my hair, slicking the sweat on my brow. This run is what I need. Just me and the road, and my music.
I am fine.
It’s not a lie. I feel like I always do, like I’m waiting for my next hit of torture and death to feel something. Except there’s a shift. A subtle one. I’m falling and I can’t quite catch the edge. I can’t quite shake off the coldness. It’s like the chill from that day never fucking left. Even though this isn’t anything I haven’t handled before. It hasn’t happened since I made a promise to myself to never be in the same position again. Not unless I want it. The last time a guy did that to me, I bit his ear off before I shoved a knife in his gut.
He was one of my first kills.
And of course, he wasn’t my last.
Adjusting my earphones, I change my route to take the long way around the school. Without students, the school is the perfect place for me. There are thousand places I can go to be alone—the boathouse for one. Even if Dante has rigged the whole place up with cameras.