“Do you know the story? The real one, not the one I told my son and my husband.” I didn’t know what she was talking about; I thought there was only one. I guess she took my silence as an opening and went ahead to tell me what happened to her that night in a voice so devoid of life or emotion that I almost begged her to stop.
“You see, when I told Gabriel the easier version, I was still angry. Angry and ashamed because I blamed myself in part for what happened that night. Had I not let myself be talked into leaving the house that night, this could’ve been avoided. I knew better than to trust Felice, but I let myself be suckered, and the end result was the worst night of my life.”
“I wanted Alonzo to pay for the humiliation and degradation he put me through. But the truth is, that’s not the only reason I told Gabe the truth. As Gabe got older, I saw more and more of Alonzo in him.” I must’ve made a disparaging sound because she rushed to correct herself.
“No, not like that, not his character, his features. I’d been watching and hoping his whole life that he’d look more like me, that there would be nothing of that man in him. But that year, the year he turned thirteen, it’s like he just morphed into him right before my eyes.”
“I didn’t want him to have any of him in him, but there was nothing I could do about it. And then I had another fear, the fear that the two of them would meet somehow. That thought terrified me, and I guess I went a little crazy then too. I wanted him to hate Alonzo as much as I did. I wanted him to remain as far removed from him and that night that I could never erase.”
I’d been cold and numb since she told me the story of what really happened that night. Not that it was any different from the original since the end result was the same, but I must admit that her version was somehow even worse. I believe her that she hadn’t intended for Gabe to end his own life, but after reading the stuff he’s into alone at night in the outback, I guess I can see where he got the idea that that was the only option he had.
“I don’t think you know your son very well.”
“Help me to understand then. Draco tried to explain it to me, but I couldn’t get my head around it. Why would Gabe think he had to destroy himself even if he killed Alonzo?”
“Because he’s, his father. Because for Gabe and what he believes in, he could never live with his father’s blood on his hands no matter what a monster Alonzo is.”
“I still don’t understand.”
“Have you ever read the books that Gabriel reads? Has he ever spoken to you about eastern philosophy and ideology?”
“Not really. I just know that he used to read a lot as a kid, even before I told him about Alonzo. He did change a lot, though after that night.”
“I didn’t notice at first; it was years, in fact, before I realized how much he’d changed. I don’t know; once I realized that he was nothing like that man, I guess I kinda put it out of my head. I didn’t even know he still thought of it to tell you the truth because we never discussed it again.”
“That’s because knowing him, he was probably plotting all that time and still is. He had to choose between living and avenging the wrong done to you, the wrong that you kinda sorta blamed him for when you told him as a young boy what had been done to you.”
“I never intended that.”
“Maybe not, but that’s what happened. Not only does he know that the man he adores is not his real father but that his real father is a monster.”
“And now? Now that you and the children are here, wouldn’t he give up on his need for revenge? I don’t want him to go any further with this. I’m over it already.”
“Now, that is the crux of the matter,” I told her about my cousin and his squad and how they were trying to save Gabriel and how the kids and I came to be back here.
“So, you think he’s still going after Alonzo.”
“Who is Natalia?”
“She’s Alonzo and Felice’s daughter; Gabe sent her and her brother here to protect them from Alonzo.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m afraid Alonzo has been abusing that poor girl.”
I think I’m going to be sick, but now is not the time for that. I’ve had some time to think and put some of the pieces together on my own because heaven knows Gabriel will never share. “Do you really think that Gabe will still go after Alonzo?”