“Yikes. That must be where I heard it.” I mumbled.
“Okay, I won’t suggest Karl take you to the pumpkin patch. Go ahead and search for the Great Pumpkin on your own. But you’ve lived here now for over a year and I think I’m the only person you know.” Sandy’s voice was full of concern.
“Did you talk to my mom?” I snapped.
“She’s just worried about you. She is afraid that you’ll turn into a spinster.”
"That term went away with the Victrola record player and handlebar mustaches." I griped. "Besides, spinsters usually aren't lawyers. They're librarians or school teachers. You guys need to read a book once in a while.”
“Okay, I’ll tell her you’re doing fine.” Sandy conceded.
“Thank you.” I grumped. “Are we still on for coffee on Wednesday?”
"Yes. The little monsters are with their dad all morning. It is Take Your Runts to Work Day and they just love going to the recruiting office."
“They do? How can you tell?”
“I can’t but I tell Brian that and he swells up all proud and then starts to cry.”
“He’s a Marine. I’ve never heard of a Marine crying as much as he does.”
“It’s the kids. He can’t believe he helped make something so cute and huggable.” I could see the smirk on Sandy’s face. “The problem is that he usually stares at them while they are sleeping. He rarely gets home in time to see the psychotic episodes that take place before they exhaust themselves.”
I couldn’t help but laugh.
“But let me tell you a little bit about Karl. I really think you’ll like him.”
I rolled my eyes.
“Stop rolling your eyes and listen to me. He’s never been married. He has a farmhouse in Moline. That’s only about an hour away.”
“How do you know him?”
“He’s in Brian’s Civil War reenactment group.”
“Oh, Lord.”
“Just listen. He knows how carpentry and makes his own furniture. That bench on our front porch, that he made.”
"That thing is lovely," I said sincerely.
“Right? Now there is one thing.”
“What?”
“It’s a little weird but really no big deal.”
“Spit it out, Sandy.”
“He has polythelia.”
“What the hell is that?”
"Well, it's commonly known as a triple nipple."
I waited for the follow-up giggle or chuckle to indicate that Sandy was joking but there was nothing.
“You’re joking. Brian told you to tell me that.”