I didn’t want to hear my own thoughts. I didn’t want to hear Jenna and my father either. Pushing myself up off the floor I looked at myself in the mirror. I didn’t recognize me. My skin was a sickly gray. My eyes were bloodshot and my lips were red and chapped from the acid that tore over them. I looked like a punk kid who tried to run with the big dogs but proved he’s only good enough to sit on the porch.
I shuffled out of the bathroom and flipped on every light. For a second the harshness stung my eyes but I quickly blinked it away.
In my closet was my Globe-Trotter James Bond special edition luggage set. I had only used it twice on a trip to Aruba with some buddies. Yes, it was to show off completely. The second time was a trip to my grandmother’s house in Virginia. That was my mother’s mother. She had no idea who I was and died about two months later.
This luggage cost $12,800. If I had a garage sale I'd be lucky if I got $200 for the whole set. Not because they had fallen in value. But no one would pay $12,800 for second-hand luggage. I chuckled.
It was sharp stuff. Sleek black leather with pristine, shining silver hinges and locks. I rubbed my hand over it and wondered why I hadn’t used it to take to school.
Because you were having a hissy fit with Jenna, remember? You showed her. You went to New Hampshire with nothing but the shirt on your back. Got held up by TSA at the airport because you looked so fucking suspicious. Had to buy new everything that day paying extra for delivery. Yeah, you really showed her.
I didn’t want to hear it but I couldn’t escape my own thoughts. What was wrong with me? Was I cracking up? Was there a strain of insanity in my family that maybe I was starting to show symptoms of?
"No, Lucas," I muttered. "You're just a jerk."
I grabbed the largest suitcase and began to pack. I would clear out my room as much as I could. I popped in my earbuds and blasted some Social Distortion to drown out my thoughts and any other gross sounds that might seep through the walls from down the hall.
By the time the sun started to come up I had all my clothes and a couple of keepsakes packed up tightly and ready to go in four of the six suitcases. The last thing I grabbed was my high school yearbook.
I sat down on my bed and felt my legs cry out in
relief. I’d been standing almost the whole night walking back and forth and stretching and bending. I hoped most of the poison I had drunk was out of my system and I looked forward to a hot shower.
But it had become a compulsion. Every time I touched my yearbook I had to look at Tilly’s picture. We all had a quote we had to add to our picture. The instruction was something that captured our personality. Mine was YOLO. It stood for you only live once. Clever, right?
Tilly quoted Star Wars. “These aren’t the droids you’re looking for.” Funny, right? I remember her saying she was going to quote Star Wars and everyone thought it would be THE Star Wars quote “May the force be with you”. Then she pulls out this goofy shit and surprised everyone.
I remember being bothered that she did that. I didn’t even know her. This was before meeting at graduation and certainly before she came to my house. I thought she was odd-ball. Just a whack job chick because she didn’t notice me. It didn’t matter that I didn’t notice her until she parked her crappy neon next to my Ferrari. That was only once.
But the fact she fooled me and was unpredictable made me mad. That is the sure sign of a lunatic. I looked at her picture and my heart twitched. Pulling out my earbuds I looked at my phone. The little blue light didn't blink. That meant I didn't have any messages. No one called me, not even Henry.
I never felt this lonely. I never thought I would. I never thought I’d cry about it either. But I did.
Chapter 22 – Tilly
“Sandy, the last time you tried to fix me up with one of Brian’s buddies I ended up consoling him over his divorce. The guy cried over a song on the radio in the car. That isn’t normal.” I sipped my coffee on my front the front porch of my house. The weather in Minnesota was similar to that in Illinois. Today it was a beautiful cloudy day and the smell of fall was in the air.
After accepting the third offer that came from the law firm of Gray & Stein in St. Paul, Minnesota I packed up everything and rented a small house on the outskirts of the big city that turned out to be only twenty-three minutes from Sandy's house where she lived with her now-husband Brian and their two kid, Jacob who was two and Mary who was 6 months.
This wasn’t the most glamorous job I could have had. I was offered one job in New York and another in New Jersey but I declined them both. I had spent enough time on the east coast to last me a lifetime. I wanted the calmer and, quite frankly, more rational temperament of people from the Midwest.
“Yeah, I suppose I should have waited to introduce you two.” Sandy concurred.
“How is Tyler these days?”
“I think he checked into a sanitarium right after you guys went out.”
“That’s comforting.”
“Not because of you, Tilly.”
“Let’s hope not.” I took another sip of my coffee and propped my feet up on the railing. “I think I might go buy some pumpkins today. It’s a nice day to go to a pumpkin patch.”
“That would be a fantastic first date. I’ll call Karl and tell him to take you.” Sandy interrupted.
"No. Sandy," I whined. "I don't want to go to the pumpkin patch with Karl. I like my solitude. If I can't hang around you and your family then I prefer to be alone. What is that quote if you can’t stand your own company your not fit company for anyone else? Isn’t that how it goes?
“Yeah. That creepy psycho in the movie Misery said that exact same thing.”