“How are you Evan?” I ask before he has a chance to say anything. By the way he’s standing I know he’s looking for a fight. He smirks and shakes his head.
“I should be asking you the same thing. How did it feel to be me for a while?”
I run my fingers through my hair, which is in serious need of a shave. Being gone for a month with no amenities takes its toll and I prefer to keep my hair as short as I can.
“I’m not sure what you’re referring to, but if it’s Ryley and EJ, I’m here because this is where you wanted me to be.” I stand and start pacing. There’s no way I’m going to let him attack me because of this. “You died, Evan. I identified your body. How you are standing here makes no sense. It’s unnatural.”
“I’m here because I didn’t die. You didn’t identify me. You identified someone else.” He pushes himself off the wall and comes toward me just as Ryley steps into view with my sandwich in her hand. “The way I see it, little brother, you couldn’t wait to get Ryley all to yourself and EJ was an added bonus. You get to play Daddy in my house with my girl and my son while I’m out in the damn jungle thinking about them every fucking day.
“So how was it, Nate? Did you conveniently ignore radio comms? Did you just happen to forget where I was? I’m hoping you can enlighten me because this is seriously fucked up and as far as I’m concerned, you’re the one who’s dead. You’re dead to me.”
Evan is standing nose to nose with me. I can feel the inhale and exhale of his chest against mine. He’s the only man that I can do this with. He’s the only man that can break me without even trying. But I’m not going to let that happen. We’re about to battle, and it’s not over some foreign land, a corrupt leader or political views. It’s over two people that we love the most in the world, the only two people who could destroy the both of us in a single solitary second.
His words echo through my mind... I’m dead to him. He doesn’t mean that. I know deep down that he’s angry, hurt and probably confused. I would be too. I know better than to take what he’s saying to heart, regardless of how much it hurts. He’s my brother. We’re bound by blood.
Small hands separate us, causing us both to step back. Evan’s anger is seeping through him and if I wasn’t the one on the other end of his torment, I’d tell whoever was to run. I’m not running.
“I didn’t know,” is all I can say as Ryley pushes me toward the steps and out of the living room.
TIME MOVES IN SLOW motion as Ryley pushes Nate up the stairs, the stairs that lead to the bedrooms, bedrooms that I don’t want her and Nate anywhere near. I’ve always been possessive of Ryley, even in high school. Once we started dating, guys flirted with her like crazy. Sometimes, her naiveté played in my favor because she didn’t realize they were doing it, or at least she didn’t let on that she’d noticed. Either way, I hated it. It drove me nuts that other guys thought that they had a chance with her, but on the other hand it was the biggest ego boost that she didn’t care.
The possessiveness started a few months before graduation. There was a guy in particular who was in her grade who couldn’t seem to grasp that she was with me. His name was Butler. John, Jeff, something with a J, I believe. We played football together, but other than that we weren’t friends. When he found out I had enlisted, he told Ry that he would be her shoulder to cry on. I wanted to set him straight, but Nate told me not to do anything to mess up my enlistment. A few days later, Butler showed up to school with a broken collarbone. I never asked Nate if he was responsible, but always suspected it. I never thanked him either because I didn’t want to acknowledge that he got to do what I wanted to do.
After that I made sure it was clear that she and I were together and short of pissing on
her leg like a damn fire hydrant, all the guys in school knew she was taken. I let them all believe that I was the one who messed up Butler, and he never told them otherwise. When I would come home, I made sure to show up at school to surprise my girl, even in college.
Now, watching her with my brother makes me feel like an outsider. They share something that I may never understand. They were close before, but never like this. Now, seeing my girl clutch his t-shirt causes enough physical pain that my insides hurt. They share a connection that I’m not a part of.
I can’t lose her. Not having Ryley in my life is not something I’ve ever planned for. Knowing at eighteen that you’ve met the one person you were destined to be with is life changing. When she lay on the ground after I hit her, I knew. I knew she was the one and I wasn’t afraid to admit it. Never did I think that I’d be better with anyone else because she was the best of me. She made me want to be the best for her.
They talk too quietly for me to hear. I’m standing in the middle of a living room that I barely remember while they stand together on the stairs, and I can’t hear a single word they’re saying. And I can’t help but feel lost, left out and like I don’t belong. I step closer, only for Nate to turn and stomp up the stairs. Ryley makes eye contact with me. She descends slowly, never breaking our connection.
“What’s going on?”
Her hands brush over my shoulder, just like the many times she’d straighten out my uniform or my NWU’s. As her hands trail down my arms and into my hands, her fingers lock with mine.
“I need you to do me a favor.”
I sigh and squeeze her hands with mine. “If this were any other situation I’d say anything, but I’m almost afraid of what you might ask of me.”
Ryley’s eyes meet mine, they’re wet and I know I’m the cause of her tears. She tries to smile but her lips form a thin line, making me wonder what the hell has just happened. We were fine at the beach and everything was fine in the kitchen. What happened in the few short minutes with Nate that would make everything change?
“I need to talk to Nate and I can’t do that with you here. You’re angry with him and I get that, but as much as this hurts, Nate lives here. And right now I’m on the edge, about to fall off the damn cliff of confusion and need both of you to meet me half way.”
“You want me to leave you here with him?” I let go of one of her hands and point up to the ceiling, the general direction to where Nate is currently hiding out like a coward.
“He’s not going to hurt me.”
I scoff. “Right, because he loves you.”
Ryley nods and I feel defeated. “You’re choosing him?”
“No, I’m choosing me. I’m choosing EJ. I’m asking that you give me time to talk to Nate. Time to figure things out so I know what the hell is going on with my life. He says he didn’t know, Evan, that has to mean something to you –”
“It means nothing.”
“Don’t interrupt me. I’ve earned the right to speak my mind,” she scolds, taking a deep breath. “For the past month I have questioned everything I’ve known since the last time I saw you walk out the door. I’ve even questioned what I know about Nate, and that’s not fair to him.”