“I want the hugest tree there is.”
“We don’t have space for the hugest tree,” Gwen tells Ruby.
“Well, can we get a really big tree? One that’s taller than Daddy?”
“We’ll see what we find,” I tell her. It’s been our tradition to pick up our tree about one week before Christmas. Both of us grew up having artificial trees in our homes, and when we had our first place, we said we wanted something real. Our first Christmas together, we got our tree the day after Thanksgiving, and it dried out two weeks after. You couldn’t walk by it without needles falling off, leaving us no choice but to take it down. The next one faired a bit better, until we finally decided that a week before Christmas was the perfect time. Of course, that left us with fewer options, but we didn’t mind the Charlie Brown versions at all.
As soon as we step onto the compacted snow, Ruby is squirming to get out of my arms. I set her down, and she’s off running. I let my arm dangle at my side, waiting and hoping that Gwen will reach for my hand again, but she doesn’t, so I do what any man who’s trying to win his wife back would do and take hers.
We stroll through the aisles, kept dry by the overhead covering. Glass lightbulbs are wound around the posts, lighting the pathway, and Christmas music plays through the speakers hung in the corners. From the time Gwen and I bought our first tree, we’ve been coming to this place. I don’t know if it’s the ambience or the fact that the trees are cut locally that keeps us coming back.
“I found it,” Ruby yells from a row or two away from us. Gwen and I make our way there, to find Ruby standing with one of the helpers, who is dressed like an elf. Shockingly, the tree they are standing by is not massively tall or round but seemingly perfect for our living room. The branches are full, and it stands a little above six feet, which means lifting Ruby to put the topper on will be easy.
“What do you think, Gwen?”
Ruby continues to stand next to the tree with one hand on her hip and a big ole smile on her face.
“I think it’s—”
“The best tree ever,” Ruby interrupts. She jumps up and down before she starts doing a little dance.
“We’ll take it,” I tell the elf.
“Santa will love this one. I’ll get it bagged and loaded into your truck.”
As much as I don’t want to let go of Gwen’s hand, I do so I can pick Ruby up. It’s been hard being away from them.
The realization that I’ve let my duties slip has weighed heavily on me since the night I sat outside the church, waiting for the two loves of my life to come out. So leaving work today at five was like breathing for the first time. The tellers all stood there with their mouths open when I told them I wouldn’t be back for the rest of the day. I’m serious about what I said to Gwen … no more late nights.
I don’t know what else do to. Do I take her on a vacation? Give her jewelry? Get on my hands and knees and beg for forgiveness? The latter is easy. All she has to do is say the word.
“Are you coming?”
I look at the woman who makes my heart beat faster. Our arms reach toward each other. She’s just one small step away from me. Gwen smiles and gives my hand a little tug, pulling me forward. I fall in step next to her, our arms brushing against each other’s as we walk toward the counter to pay for the tree.
My wallet’s out before she can dig into her purse. I hand the cashier a wad of twenties and tell her to keep the change. “Rory, you didn’t have to pay for the tree.”
“I’ll let you pick up the treats for tonight.” I say this as a way to compromise. She’s been on her own for a few months, and I don’t want her to think I’m trying to take away any of her freedom. I plan to be her equal partner moving forward.
“Does that mean you’re staying to help decorate?”
My heart soars. This woman I love and have hurt so deeply has found a way to open her heart again and let me in. I don’t care if it’s an inch, I’m taking it for all it’s worth and turning it into something great, something meaningful, and I’m never letting her go again. “Is that an invite?”
“Of course. Ruby wants you there.”
Ruby, but not my wife. It seems like I have an uphill journey to win back the love of my life. “I’d love to be there.” I always have and can’t imagine spending this night away from my girls.
Once the tree is loaded into my truck, I follow Gwen back to our house, hoping she didn’t forget about the treats. Knowing Gwen, she has the ingredients for her grandma’s homemade hot cocoa out and ready to go, along with some fresh gingerbread and a tray of cookies. All things I didn’t think I’d miss until this moment. Our house always smells like cinnamon during the holidays, and I honestly can’t wait to step into our home once again.
As soon as Gwen parks, Ruby’s out of the car and racing toward my truck. She’s trying to climb into the back by the time I reach her. “Slow down, Ruby bean.”
“I can’t. Santa will be here soon, and we have to get this baby up,” she says, clapping her hands.
“Santa comes with or without a tree.”
Ruby stops and sets her hands on her hips. If it weren’t so dark out, I’d be able to see her face. I bet her nose is scrunched up and her eyes are almost closed because she hasn’t mastered the art of squinting yet. “Santa needs a tree to put all my presents under.”
“Oh yeah, how many do you think you’re getting?” I ask, as I open the lift gate of the truck. I grab hold of the netting on the tree and pull it forward.