“Yeah, I remember, but you are, and you know it’s for the best. I wouldn’t ask you, if I didn’t think we were onto something here.”
I don’t want to agree with her, but I’m really left with no choice. She’s right and I hate that she is. I could leave the group; let them forge out on their own. They’d be okay, but I like being a part of it. Even with my petty differences with Ajay, I feel like we’ve bonded. Leaving them would be foolish, especially over some money that I use for groceries.
“Fine, tonight will be my last night.”
She claps her hands. “I’m going to go have a chat with Zeke, but first, Nola.”
“I’m in love with her,” I blurt out.
Elle’s face falls, and I hate that she can’t be happy for me. “Protect yourself, Quinn. That’s all I’m asking.” She turns to walk away, but I grab her hand.
“Please be nice to her.”
She smiles and nods. “I will, but only because you’re in love with her.”
I let go of her hand and watch her walk out of the door. I hear her yell for Zeke before the door shuts, leaving me to my thoughts. I look around, this room is a festering shit hole, but it’s been my Friday night home for as long as I can remember, and it won’t be easy to leave.
It won’t be easy to sit in the crowd while Nola’s working either, but it’s what I’m going to do.
30
Eleanora
I’m in love. It’s stupid, reckless, and the best feeling in the world. And yet, I’m keeping secrets from Quinn. Not only him though, my parents, my brother, everyone who means something to me, I’ve kept in the dark. I’ve lied, and I continue to do so because the truth, in this case, will not set me free, instead, it will damage and destroy relationships. My parents will never forgive me for deceiving them. With Quinn, I can only hope that he’ll consider the fact that I didn’t tell him my real name as nothing more than a slip up after I explain why. However, the bigger secret in my life could be an issue. I never thought I’d be in a place, with this man, where I would regret the first day I met him. I wish I had a fairy Godmother or a magic lamp, so I can redo everything.
Every moment Quinn and I are together, I seek out the perfect opportunity to come clean, to blurt out that my name is Eleanora Boone and up until a few weeks ago, I was somewhat engaged to another man, who has gotten another woman pregnant but doesn’t seem to care. That I’m supposed to be traveling across the US with my friend Sofia but lied to my parents and came to California where I unsuspectingly fell in love.
It all sounds great in my head and I can see myself sitting there, talking to him, and him understanding about needing to find myself. Yet, the words never come out because I’d rather make him happy, I’d rather sit next to him and feel his embrace, to kiss and make love to him. Walking through the park, holding hands is better than finding words that could mean nothing in the end.
Every day I find some way to justify what I’m doing, and each night, I lay awake with him sleeping beside me, counting the mistakes I’m making, hoping and praying that I think they’re bigger than they actually are when it comes to Quinn.
I pace my room with my phone in my hand contemplating what I’m going to say to Rhett. He’s due to arrive tomorrow to take me home, and I’m not going. For days I’ve ignored him and have only spoken to my parents via text message. My mom’s worried that I’m going to miss her party, and I don’t have the heart to tell her that I will unless I can convince Quinn to fly to South Carolina to meet my folks, which I know isn’t going to happen. He’s busy with the band and there’s no way his sister is going to let him miss rehearsal. My fear is that if I go home, they won’t let me leave. Having a long-distance relationship with Quinn doesn’t seem realistic. He’s too busy and the time difference will make it near impossible.
My suitcase mocks me each time I walk by. Over a week ago, Quinn asked me to move in. I told him yes but haven’t told Kellie about my change of plans. In fact, since Quinn and I took our relationship to the next level, I haven’t really seen her. I’m such a horrible person, ditching my friend because I have a boyfriend.
My phone rings, startling me. Zeke’s name shows on the display. “Hello?” I stammer, trying to calm my hastily beating heart. My nerves are frayed and if I don’t fix my mistakes, I’m going to end up with a full-blown anxiety attack.
“Can you come in tonight?”
“Yeah, sure. Same time?”
“That works.” He hangs up with no fanfare, not that any is needed but the occasional goodbye or see ya later would be nice every now and again.
Instead of texting Quinn, I call him. It’s the sound of his voice that I love hearing. Not only when he’s talking but
singing as well. I could sit for hours and just listen to him.
“Hey, babe.” My heart picks up speed again, but this time it’s for the better.
“Hey, I’m not bothering you, am I?”
“No, we just took a break for some lunch. What’s up?”
“Zeke asked me to work tonight, so I didn’t know if you wanted to come in for dinner. If you’re busy, we can meet up later.”
Quinn laughs. I imagine he’s smiling that cute crooked smile that he has, and his hand is adjusting his beanie. He does that when he’s thinking, or he’s been put on the spot. I love that he’s shy and bashful until we’re sitting in his living room where he can be himself.
“I’ll be there.”