"No, Mama."
"Be sure you don't," she said. "We want to keep this from her as long as we can. I don't relish having her comment and complain or even offer advice." She fixed my blanket. "I intended to take you for new clothes. She's not wrong about that. We'll do it this weekend on your birthday. You need something nice for your birthday dinner. Your father promised to take us all out to your favorite restaurant, the Japanese place where they cook the food right in front of you."
"And then we're going to the cabin?" I asked before thinking.
"Yes," she said. "Maybe for longer this time."
I was happy she knew and it wasn't a secret kept from her. "It will do us all good to get away from here," she told me. I knew she really meant to get away from Grandmother Emma. "Are you all right?"
I nodded and she leaned down to kiss me. "You're just a little girl," she said. "This is so unfair. Your youth is being stolen from you."
I didn't speak even though I wondered what she meant. Who was stealing it? How can youth be stolen anyway? It wasn't like anything you kept in drawers and boxes. Tears were coming from her eyes now as she stroked my hair. She sucked in her breath and flicked off her tears quickly.
"You'll be all right," she said. "Why are you crying, Mama?"
"It's nothing. Don't mind me. I'm just not doing well tonight. I'll be better tomorrow. Good night," she said, and left me, closing the door softly.
I lay there with my eyes open and my hand on my stomach. Then slowly, I brought my fingers back to my nipple and touched it like Ian had done.
I saw from the expression on his face that what he learned about me had upset him. Did that mean something terrible was going to happen?
I curled up quickly like the caterpillar and filled my mind with hope.
It worked, not only because I fell asleep quickly, but because in the morning, after breakfast. Mama received a phone call from Dr. Dell'Acqua, who told her I had no tumor in my brain. My problem was a result of hormones, she said, and she was going to prescribe a medicine that she believed would stop the precocious puberty.
The news made Daddy happy, too. Suddenly, it was like a wind had come blowing through the grand house, pushing away the bad weather, the darkness and clouds. Grandmother Emma had obviously not complained to Daddy about Mama's yelling at her and banging the table either. They had no arguments about it.
In fact, Mama was smiling and she and Daddy were even laughing together. What's more, the school year ended and I left without any of my friends knowing anything about what was happening to me. I had been able to keep our secret locked up tightly. It all started to look perfect. Plans were definitely set for my birthday dinner. Grandmother Emma was invited, but she hated the Japanese restaurant and the idea of cooking going on right in front of her nose.
She surprised me that morning, however, by having my birthday present at breakfast on my chair, All the other times, she waited until my actual birthday dinner.
"You may open it now," she said, and I quickly did. Everyone waited and watched.
I took out a coral shade silk dress with a hot pink slip. There was an embroidered flower garden on the hem.
"That should be perfect for evenings at the lake." Grandmother Emma said. "And it's the correct length," she added, glancing at Mama.
There was a shoe box, too, with a pair of light pink leather buckle sandals.
It was the cutest, most fashionable dress she had ever bought for me. I loved it, but when I looked at Mama's face, she looked upset, worried.
"You can go try it on," Grandmother Emma said. "I'd like to be sure it all fits you well."
"Let her do it after breakfast.'" Mama interjected.
Grandmother Emma didn't look pleased, but said nothing. Breakfast was served. Daddy described some of the economic improvements he had made at the supermarket. He was having the storage area renovated to make more efficient use of it.
Grandmother Emma looked on him with approval in her eyes. She announced that in the fall she might hold one of her charity parties at the house just as she had during her Golden Age. It did sound exciting. Even Mama looked interested. Were all our troubles really dissolving?
Afterward. I went upstairs to put on the silk dress and the sandals. Mama came into my room with me.
"Oh. God,' she said. The bodice was snug so that my buds were clearly revealed, even prominent. She went to my closet.
"Put this undershirt on first," she told me, and handed the sleeveless undershirt to me. It at least subdued my nipples, but didn't flatten me entirely. "That will have to do," she said.
The sandals fit perfectly.
"I don't know how she picked out ones that fit you. I had no idea she knew your sizes. I guess she really doesn't miss much," Mama said. This time it sounded more like a compliment than a complaint about her. "Give the devil her due," she added.