"What's aroused?"
"Stimulated, excited. When they get hard and bigger like you heard. Blood rushes down there and makes it that way and then, at a certain point, the sperm shoots out. Okay? Now remember, don't go telling Mother I told you all this," he added. "She might not like me doing it. If she tells you, pretend to be hearing it for the first time. Otherwise, she'll be angry at me and I'll never be able to tell you anything again."
"Does it shoot out of you yet?" I asked.
He stared at me for a long moment. "I think you know enough for right now," he said. Then he thought again and stood up. His eyes grew narrow and intense like Dr. DellAcquars were and he stepped up to me. "This is interesting,'" he said. "I wonder if it's instinctive for you to have these thoughts now."
"You mean like the birds coming back?"
"Yes, something like that." He looked back at the door I had left open and then he went to it and closed it softly. "Did you just start thinking about boys?" he asked. "I mean after this thing started happening to you, this precocious puberty?"
I shook my head, but not with conviction. I wasn't sure what he meant. I certainly thought about boys in my class, how this one was cute or that one was ugly. Some were so childish and silly. None looked like they would become as intelligent as Ian.
He started to talk like a teacher again, making a speech as if there were many people in his room and not just me.
"Our reproductive urges are built into us. It's not something we have to learn. I mean, we can learn more about it, understand what happens to u
s, but we don't have to be taught how to do it, just like we don't have to be taught how to go to the bathroom or eat or sleep. Our bodies need us to do it. The species needs us to do it."
"Needs us to do what?"
"Forget about that for a moment," he said with some irritation. Then he narrowed his eyes again. "Let's try one experiment," he said. "But don't ever tell anyone," he warned. "Remember," he reminded me, "how we swore in your bathroom to keep my research and investigation our secret, okay?"
"Yes."
He was spending so much time with me. I didn't want to upset him again. He reached out and carefully unbuttoned my pajama top. He opened it and looked at my buds. Had they grown bigger already? I stood there waiting to see what he had discovered when he surprised me by touching my nipple, only he didn't just touch it and pull away. He kept his finger there, moving it slightly.
"It doesn't just tickle, does it?" he asked.
It didn't. It was different, very different.
I shook my head and said, "No." but it came out like a whisper.
"You're actually getting stiffer. Holy schmoly," he said, and then, as if he realized what he was doing was not right, jerked his finger away,
"What's that mean, stiffer?"
"Button up," he said without answering me, and returned to his desk.
I waited. His fact was flushed. I thought he was upset at me again for some reason. He wrote something in his journal and then he looked up.
"Ok-ay,' he said. "That's enough for now. I'll teach you more and more, but let's go slowly so you don't get confused and frightened. You should never be frightened of knowledge anyway," he added. "Remember, don't tell anyone, especially Mother, or I'll never tell you anything again," he warned.
"I won't tell," I said.
"You'd better go to sleep," he said. "Go on," he nearly shouted.
I hurried out, looking back once at him before I closed his door. He looked different, still flushed. I knew he wasn't alloy at me, but what was confusing was he looked like he was angry at himself.
I closed the door and went to my room. Not long after. Mama came to my room to see if I had gone to bed. She was in her nightgown already and I could see that she had been crying. Her eyes were still bloodshot.
"Grandmother Emma came to see me downstairs," I told her. "I was watching television and she came into the room and asked me to stand up."
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"She said I was getting very tall, growing fast like her sister. Francis, and my clothes were inappropriate, my dress too short."
"Francis? That's interesting," she said. She thought a moment and then shook her head. "Did she ask you anything else? Did you tell her anything about going to the doctor?" she asked very quickly.