I glanced at him and looked away again, tears burning under my eyelids. I hated Mommy for bringing someone like him into our lives, opening up our most intimate selves to him.
"I don't think her happiness is going to depend on mine." I muttered.
"Oh, but you're wrong about that. Grace. It didn't take me long to see how big of a heart your mother has."
"I'll bet.'
"I mean for compassion and love for other people, not just me. How about we start anew? Let's get to know each other a little, spend more time together," he pleaded.
I started to shake my head,
"If you don't like me, if you're absolutely sure you can't ever get close to me. I'll leave you be, I promise," he said, raising his right hand. "All I ask is a chance to present myself as I truly am. I've knocked about a great deal. I know, but a woman like your mother doesn't come along that often. She makes me feel... substantial. She makes me want to be responsible, to care about things, and especially not be so self-centered," he continued.
I took a deep breath. There was a time when I would have said similar things about her. I thought. Haw I wished it was all true now, too.
"I'll bet there were occasions in your life when you wanted people to look at you one more time, to give you a chance to show them your best. Am I right?"
"Maybe," I said.
"Sure, it just stands to reason. Look. I know I can't be the man Winston was to you. He was much older than I am and had many, many more
experiences."
"And successes," I added.
"Yes, and successes. But I'm not totally without success, especially in the social arena, and to be honest. Grace, you could benefit from some of that, couldn't you? Be honest," he urged.
"Maybe," I said again.
"That's okay. Nothing to be ashamed of." "I'm not ashamed of anything," I said quickly.
"Nor should you be Exactly. Hey," he said, looking out at the sea, "you ever do any wind surfing?"
"No." I almost smiled at the way he jumped from one subject to another. In some ways he was like a little boy, and when he was like that it wasn't easy to dislike him.
"Someone with sailing experience would have an easier time of it. I think. I did a lot of it on Maui last summer. It's a lot of fun and exciting."
We don't have sail boards," I said.
"Didn't."
"What?" He nodded in the direction he was looking. I stood up and gazed. too. Two men were bringing brand-new sail boards down to the beach.
"I had them ordered," he explained. "What do you say first thing tomorrow
after breakfast I give you some lessons and you see if you like it. Okay?"
He had them ordered? When did he do that? How did he know I would be at all interested in doing this? He was moving so fast, coming in and taking over our lives. It all took my breath away, but when I looked at him and I looked down at the new sail boards I couldn't help but feel some excitement.
"Your mother will never do it, but we can show her. In a matter of hours you'll be sailing with the wind in your hair, and it's good exercise. too. How's ten A.M. sound?"
"I don't know," I said. "I'm not sure I want to do that."
"Well, we'll play it by ear. When you're ready we'll try it if you like. Once you start letting yourself enjoy yourself again. Grace, it will all follow. Everything you want will follow. You'll see," he s aid.
He looked up toward his and Mommy's suite.
You should go up and see what she bought you She was always looking for something nice for you. Even on our honeymoon you were never out of her thoughts."