It’s working.
“What can I get for you?” a Mighty Ambassador asks me when I finally make it to the counter.
“Number three noodles with dumplings.”
“Perfect,” she says, creepy holo flames shooting out of her mouth with the word. “That’ll be one hundred and seventeen credits, plus gratuity, plus Mighty tax, so your grand total is four hundred and three credits.”
She actually has the nerve to smile through that whole absurd sentence. But I’m not in the mood to argue so I just flash my wristband across her scanner.
“Great. What’s your name?”
“Jimmy,” I say.
She frowns at me. “I’m sorry. Did you say Kraunfelter?”
“What?”
“Your name. It’s so weird.”
“It’s just Jimmy.”
“Razolt?”
“Jimmy,” I say again. I’m used to this. Happens all the time. But I have never understood it. Sure, I have the most unique name in the galaxy, but it’s not that hard. “Jim-meeee,” I sound it out for her.
“I’m so sorry,” she says through her mouth flames. “Hazenfloff. Got it. We’ll call your name when it’s ready. Next!”
I sigh, but then my Mighty Pass chimes a beep and when I glance down, someone has answered my job posting.
Success! I’ll be out of this nightmare in a matter of hours.
I move off to the side and stare down at my pass to find the reply.
Oh, and she’s even cute—if you don’t mind the holo flames shooting up from the horn on top of her head. Delphi is her name. Competent in all aspects of sentient ship engineering, including water generators! Perfect.
I message back. How soon can you start?
Delphi: Tell me where to meet you. I’m in the Fire Mountain Sector right now.
Me: Head to Flame Lake and I’ll meet you in front of Evil Noodles.
Which reminds me. Where are my freaking noodles?
“Excuse me,” I say to the girl who helped me. “Are my noodles ready yet?”
“What’s your name again?”
“Jimmy.”
She squints her eyes at me. Like she’s never heard this name before even though two minutes ago she took my order and we had a whole conversation about it. “What? Can you say that again?”
“Hazenfloff,” I say, giving up.
“Oh, right here,” she says, grabbing a red and black take-out bag. “We called your name but no one answered.”
“Right. Because my name is Jimmy.”
“These aren’t yours?”
“Yes,” I say, taking the bag from her hand before I have to explain this again. “Thanks.”
I walk away and look for a table but every single one is filled with crying kids dressed up like a Mighty Minion and parents wearing Mighty Boss hats. Like this is a requirement. But I don’t get more than a few steps before that gang of evil holo-kids is circling me again, singing their death songs.
I slink back into a little side alley and they look confused for a moment. Like I disappeared. Then I realize that the alley is a safe zone, and eat my noodles and dumplings standing up as I look out for the evil uni-horn chick.
It’s a good thirty minutes later before I pick her out in the crowd of people standing in front of Evil Noodles. But the moment I step away from the alley, the ring of holo minions circles me and begins their evil taunts.
“Hey, Delphi!” I call over the demon kids.
She turns, looking around until she finds my face. Which is kinda weird because I didn’t put a pic on my profile when I made that message. “Oh, hey!” she calls, then pushes her way through the crowd until she’s a few feet away. “I see you found some friends.”
“Little fuckers won’t leave me alone.”
“Here, put this on.” And she hands me a Mighty Boss hat. I take it from her, slap it over my head, and instantly the hologram disappears.
“What the hell?”
“They’re programmed to harass anyone not wearing Mighty Minion paraphernalia.”
“This place is such a scam.”
“Tell me about it.”
I take in her appearance. She’s a little bit short. Maybe even tiny. Red and black hair twisted up into the flame-thrower horn, white holo bodysuit with red racing stripes down her legs, and tall black boots.
If holo-cartoons could be porn stars, she’d definitely have a job. Because she is one sexy little minion.
“So,” she says, cocking her head at me. “You needed an engineer?”
“Yeah.” I sigh. “We picked up a pesky virus leaving Blue Sand Beach and got stranded here in Mighty Hell. It messed up our water generator and dumped all our water. Now it’s self-replicating and… yeah. We need help. My ship already has another water generator lined up but installing it is a two-man job.”
“Well, I’m just the girl for you then. Where’s your new generator? We can pick that up first.”
I frown at her. Because I didn’t say we needed to pick it up. “Uh, hold please. Let me call my ship and ask.”
“Sure thing,” she says, turning away to give me privacy. But just as she does that I see a flash of gold shimmering on her shoulder and realize she’s got a dragonbee bot as a sidekick.