“I’ll be there with you every step.”
“And that is the reason I’ll be okay...because I have you.” Raising her hand to my mouth, I kissed her knuckles as we stepped into the same bathroom where she’d gotten on her knees and begged me to leave her in privacy. Memories of that night came swift and thick. Of her jerking me off. Of her watching me with pity instead of fear.
Even then...even when I’d been the worst to her, she’d always seen the best in me.
Whipping her around, I dragged her into my arms. “I’ve done so much I can never take back.” I kissed her shoulder, inhaling her papaya-laced skin. “I’ll never forgive myself for doing to you what was done to me, but I need you to know I love you. I love you with every fucking piece of me, and I’m going to do my best to—”
“Hush.” Gem pulled back, cupping my cheeks with trembling hands. “We’re together now. We’re happy...at least, I am.” She searched my stare. “Are you? This isn’t too much? Too fast? Too—”
“It’s what has to happen. I’m ready to be pushed. I want to be. And in answer to your question...” I hoped she saw the truth in my eyes. The honesty that filled me up to the brim. “I am.” I smiled so big and true, it hurt my cheeks. It felt foreign and scary but also new and exciting. “I am happy. I’ve never been happier than I am right now, here with you.”
“Good.” She stood on her tiptoes and kissed me. “That makes two of us.”
I kissed her back, dragging her into the shower. “I’m also tired and hungry and sick of this damn headache, but for now...I’m basking in whatever magic you’ve cast over me.”
She grinned, gasping with shock as I turned on the icy spray. “Holy crap, that’s cold.”
“Wait till the pipes freeze. Then you’ll know what cold feels like. It’s so painful it burns.”
Her face fell a little as I ducked under the arctic rain and drenched my long hair. My chest constricted with the cold, but I forced myself to stay under, getting wet. Once sufficiently soaked, I stepped away and grabbed the soap bar. “Your turn.”
She nodded, but the pensive look on her face didn’t fade. Holding her breath with a tortured moan, she ducked under the spray, tipping her head back and getting thoroughly covered.
Joining me at the back of the large tiled shower, she waited while I lathered the soap over my body, her gaze lingering on my cock as bubbles formed and rinsed away what we’d done together.
“What?” I asked, foaming more bubbles in my hands and reaching out to cover her shoulders.
She flinched but then relaxed into my touch, turning around for me to massage down her spine, over her ass, and down her legs. Sighing, she murmured, “We don’t have to stay.”
I stiffened but swept back up her body, dragging the soap with me. Turning her around, I repeated down her front, fondling her breasts longer than necessary, cupping between her legs before ducking down to her toes.
I took my time answering.
Just because I finally saw a splinter of light in my perpetually dark world didn’t mean I was mentally ready for more. Jareth was here now. He’d stay until I was “cured” enough to deal with company.
“I know I literally just said I needed to be pushed, but...I can’t leave, Gem.” I swallowed, giving her something I didn’t think was possible. “Not yet at least.”
She froze, her gaze shooting to mine. “Wait. You’re saying...maybe? Sometime in the future, you’ll consider coming home with me?”
Anger flared. “This is your home now.” I tried to soften my words. “I mean...I wanted you to leave. Two nights ago, I was prepared to march you to the cliff myself.”
She chewed on the inside of her cheek. “Yes, but—”
“If you want to go...then you should go. I’ll walk you back to your Jeep and help you find your keys.” I squeezed the back of my neck. “But I can’t leave...not yet. I’m still not...stable.” I winced. “I know tonight might’ve given you false hope. Made you believe that I’ve taken the biggest step toward recovery, but...you’re right that the alcohol definitely helped. Jareth helped too. And of course, you are the most help of all, but I can’t promise I’ll be able to stay strong against my tendency to shut down if I don’t stay somewhere familiar.”
“You’re not giving yourself enough credit.”
“And you’re giving me too much.” I pushed her back under the water, helping her rinse. When she was clean and could breathe again, she ran her hands over her face, waiting for me to duck beneath the icy water.
Once all the soap was washed away, I turned off the tap and climbed out of the shower, tossing one towel to Gem and grabbing one for myself. She shivered with that reserved look still in her gaze.