“Oh my god,” Sasha said. “Damn.”
I dropped to my bottom and stared at the stick in my hand. Was it my greatest dream or my worst nightmare? For days on end, I dreamed of having a family with Alessandro. I saw the way he was with Anna and Antonio and knew from the depths of me that he was going to make a great father, but now…? Could a man who would kidnap three children for something they didn’t do honestly be a good father? I’d only ever heard the Varassos say awful things about their dad, and with the way Luca behaved, he was due to fall right in line. I didn’t know how Marco was as a father, but I also knew he was in the witness protection program, living under a completely different name. Did being a good father and being on the run overlap on a Venn diagram? I wasn’t so sure.
“Okay, stay calm,” Bella hummed. “He doesn’t even have to be involved.”
“He will be,” I whispered. “It’s the one thing the Varassos swear by—family. If he finds out I have his baby, he’ll take it from me.”
“He wouldn’t,” Sasha said. “He loves you.”
“He’s about to take three children who he doesn’t even give a shit about, Sash,” I cried. “If he actually has a tie to my baby, he’ll definitely take it.”
“He can’t do that,” Bella said. “You have rights, and the state will protect you. All the things you’ve seen and heard, all you have to do is threaten to go to the police, and they’ll back off.”
“They don’t back off from problems, Bella. They take care of them.” It was already happening. The confusing and terrifying world of ducking the Varassos. How was I ever going to protect a baby from them? “I can’t keep it.”
“Aw, but honey, you’ve always wanted a baby. You talk about it all the time,” Sasha explained.
“Yeah, and you’ve always told me that you would die defending a woman’s right to abort, but you could never do that,” Bella added.
My throat burned, and my head throbbed. “I don’t know what to do. I can’t bring this baby into the world. I can’t.”
“Well, whatever you decide, we’ll support you,” Sasha said.
“Agreed,” Bella said. “Promise us you’ll sleep on it. Don’t make any decisions while you’re so amped up.”
I nodded, even though my mind was pretty much made up. “I will.”
“Are you going to tell Ricky?” Sasha asked.
I’d been thinking about that for the past hour as well. Ricky was my brother, my twin brother. I remembered that story my mom told me about the way we’d been when we were younger. If it was between the Varassos and me, would Ricky have my back over theirs? When I thought of who I would want by my side as I terminated my pregnancy, it was Ricky.
“I don’t know,” I replied. “I’m afraid he’ll tell Sandro.”
“Do you really think he would do that to you?” Bella asked. “He’s your brother, after all.”
I hated that I didn’t know. “I can’t say for sure. He’s really close with the Varassos, especially Alessandro.” Tears filled my eyes again. Each time they dried completely, they started up again. “I gotta go. I need to lie down.”
“I’ll be back in town tomorrow, babe, and I’m coming straight there. I’m not even going home, okay? Just hang in there, and call if you need anything,” Sasha sang.
“Night or day,” Bella tacked on. “I don’t care if it’s two in the morning.”
“I promise,” I said. “I love you guys.”
“Love you!” they resounded, and I ended the call.
I carried my computer out into my living room, unsure of what to do. I couldn’t believe I was actually pregnant. How could I be so stupid? I started to Google abortion clinics near me, and when I clicked on a page, I was smacked in the face by pictures of sympathetic doctors and about a million different choices. I was instantly overwhelmed. I definitely couldn’t do it alone. I loved Sasha and Bella, and they were my best friends, but they weren’t who I wanted by my side. I wanted my brother. My idiotic, throwing rocks at my window because he thinks it’s a sign of friendship, not romance, brother.
I reopened my video chat app and clicked his picture. It was a silly picture of him sticking his tongue out and wearing a fake mustache from some costume party he’d been to. When the feed went live, and I saw his face, I immediately started crying.
“Hey, hey,” he comforted. “I know that it’s hard. Breakups aren’t easy, especially ones like these.” He sighed. “I wished you’d let me come back with you.”
I sniffled. “Me too.”
“You’ll get over Sandro one day, trust me. I know it doesn’t feel like that now but—”
“Ricky, I’m pregnant.”
His voice dropped off. He stared back at the screen as though I’d just told him I was actually an alien. “W-what?”