Especially because…
“Is it done yet?” Sasha asked.
I looked at my phone, the timer slowly ticking toward zero. “No. Two minutes.”
“God,” Bella hissed. “Since when are six minutes, like, fifteen minutes long?”
Sasha’s and Bella’s faces each took up half of my computer screen, which was sitting open on top of my toilet. Sasha let out a whimper. “Ugh. I wish I could be there with you, you poor button.”
“I wish you’d told me. I would have gone with you,” Bella added.
The truth was, I didn’t want to involve my friends in my bullshit any more than I already had. I’d already been dragged under the Varassos’ imposing shadow, and the last thing I needed was for them to be cloaked as well.
Alessandro’s smile crept into my mind, and I pushed it away. As soon as I made empty space, the scene of him on his knees, begging me to stay, took its place. I buried my head against my knees as though it would stop my thoughts from coming, but no matter what I did, Alessandro was there. My skin was remembered every place that he had touched me, and my lips tingled, missing the feeling of his lips. I’d kept my guard up for so long, and refused to let him or anyone else shove my car into another lane. I knew who I was, and I knew what I was doing. Who was I now? What was I doing? Sitting on a bathroom floor, waiting to receive what could possibly be the worst news of my entire young life? Why did I suddenly want my mom?
“Now?” Bella asked. “I’ve been watching the clock, and it has definitely been two minutes.”
I glanced at my phone, which still had an illuminated three and zero on it. “Thirty seconds.”
“You can check it early. It can take up to six minutes, not definitely six minutes,” Sasha said. “I Googled it.”
“I’m gonna wait,” I replied.
We sat in silence as the final few seconds ticked down, and then my phone went off. Even as the tone rang, I sat there unmoving.
“Willow?” Sasha asked.
I stared up at the small white stick up on the bathroom counter. I didn’t want to look at it. It didn’t matter what I saw, it wasn’t going to make me happy.
“Willie?” Bella murmured.
My phone was going off, echoing through my bathroom in a blast of arrogant noise that was somehow getting louder and getting quieter. I didn’t have control of my limbs. I was pressuring myself to move, but nothing was happening. I was cemented in place.
“It’s okay, sweetie. No matter what happens, we’re gonna be here for you,” Sasha said.
“Take your time,” Bella added. “We’re not going anywhere.”
“What if it’s positive?” I whispered. “What if I’m pregnant?”
I couldn’t bring a baby into the world, poisoned with Varasso blood. That baby would never be free. He would always feel the crushing weight to rise to the occasion of the empire his father and his brothers built. My baby would have that mean streak, the one that could bring a man to do what Alessandro was planning to do. My baby would be Luca Varasso’s nephew. My baby would be Angelo Varasso’s grandchild. Would I forever look at my own baby and be reminded of the world I’d been forced into? The one that took my father, my mother, my brother, and the love of my life? Could I keep the truth from my child for his entire life? Give my child my last name, say his father was dead, and never face the truth? Would that even work? If Alessandro found out the baby existed, what if he came for him like Angelo took Gabriel? What if he took my baby from me?
“Breathe, Willow.”
I didn’t even realize how heightened it’d become. How constricted my windpipe felt, like one of the Varasso brothers had their hands clasped firmly around my throat. Of course, if I was really pregnant, then one of them would.
“Sasha, can you get there?” Bella asked.
“Yeah. I’m leaving the red carpet now. It’ll take a couple of hours, so just hang in there, okay?” Sasha said.
“No, I’m okay,” I mumble
d back, all the nerves in my body dead and weak. “I’m okay.” I took a deep breath and stood up from the bathroom floor. I walked over to the pregnancy test, which I had deliberately left face down on the counter.
“Okay,” I said aloud, “one, two, three.” I flipped the stick and felt my world flip upside down. Two bright pink lines looked back at me. “It’s positive.”
“Shut up,” Bella replied. “Are you sure?”
I dropped to my knees in front of the toilet, my eyes already collecting tears. I held the reading end of the stick up to the camera. Both Bella and Sasha leaned in, and then their hands went to their mouths.