And this baby had already been in jeopardy enough.
As I strengthened my body through physical therapy, I noticed Luca becoming more and more distracted. He’d step out into the hallway often to take phone calls, and though he never went out of sight and always came back, it was with that grim stone-face of his that I hated. I let it go for a day or two before I called him on it.
“Are you going to tell me what’s going on?”
The stony look softened, giving me back my Luca again. “Just needed to take care of some things.”
“Things?” I asked, unsatisfied with his reply.
“Business.” This time he glanced away from me, clearly concealing what he’d been doing. I was having none of it.
“Am I not Queen Molly? Am I not an integral part of your business?” I demanded, putting up my hands in air quotes when I said “business.”
“You were…” I threw him an irritated look. “Okay, you are an integral part. But I don’t want you involved in this. At least not right now.”
“So we’re returning to the Dark Ages? Since you knocked me up you only want to see me barefoot and pregnant in your kitchen? Is that it?” I was royally pissed off, and he knew it. Luca Varasso was the king of his clan and his domain, but he was no misogynist. He’d encouraged and trusted me to run the drug trade aspect of his family’s business with autonomy.
I wasn’t going to let my condition change that.
“Molly, I’m only trying to keep you safe.”
“Well, your definition of safety sounds an awful lot like keeping me out of the loop, if you ask me.”
He pinched the bridge of his nose, huffing out a length exhale. Then, he shut the door and lowered his voice. “You don’t know everything that’s happening here.”
“Isn’t that what I just said?” I questioned him, letting my snarky bitchiness out of her cage. I didn’t care what his reasons were, they couldn’t possibly be justified.
“That’s not what I…” He scrubbed his face with his hands, his expression reticent but also something else. Sad. He turned and wouldn’t meet my gaze. “What I mean is that there’s something bigger tha
n family business going on in the background of my life, in all the Varasso’s lives. And I was attempting to keep it from impacting you, but I failed.”
What was he saying?
“We’re cursed, all right?” he admitted, his tone resigned. “I know it sounds batshit crazy, but it’s true. All of us Varassos are cursed. It’s why so many tragedies have occurred to various members of our family. My mom. My dad. Alana. And now you.”
He twisted back around so I could see his face, and what I saw was pure torment.
“I tried not to fall for you because I knew that would put you in danger. But I fell anyway. Almost against my will. I thought I could stave it off by lying about how I felt and pushing you away, but it was too late. Fate knew I was in love with you even when you didn’t.”
“So you getting hurt was my fault. Your sister getting killed was my fault,” he went on. “I put you directly and literally in the line of fire.”
I gawked at him, so stunned by his train of thought that I didn’t know how to respond. “You think falling in love with me is why Tara and I were shot?”
“I don’t think it, I know it. It’s the only explanation.”
“No, it’s not,” I grabbed his arm when he made to turn away again. “It’s not, Luca. The person responsible for the death of my sister and for my injuries is the shooter. I know that wasn’t you, so you can’t blame yourself.”
“Molly, I knew from the moment that Alana died that I’d have to be alone from that moment on. That I couldn’t risk dragging anyone else into this. But then my father pointed that gun at you and I…”
“You saved me,” I told him. “That’s what you did.”
“I set you up for future tragedy,” he insisted stubbornly. The man was a mule. “Now you’ve lost a family member due to this. Due to me.” He paused, then said, “Let me ask you this. Would you still think of me as your savior if one of those bullets had hit our baby? Or if the trauma you went through made you miscarry? Would you be so willing to let me off the hook then?”
Now, I sighed. I had to make him stop before his misplaced guilt drove a wedge between us I wouldn’t be able to remove. “Would I have been torn apart? Yes. But I wouldn’t have blamed you. It would’ve devastated you, too. I know that. I know that because of how you are with Anna. Despite being a mob boss, you’re still the best father I’ve ever seen, hands down.”
“And my life has always been full of shit like this, okay?” I continued, knowing if I wanted him to let me back in, I needed to be honest with him, to quit holding back. “My father was an alcoholic who beat me when I was six. Then he killed someone and went to prison. My mother raised us till I was eleven, then disappeared.”
“I have no idea what happened to her to this day, though I’m assuming she’s been dead for years. I’m the one who raised Tara because of it.” I dropped my gaze to my hands, suddenly not feeling as brave as I would’ve liked to. “I even prostituted myself once to provide her with food. So I’m very well aware that life sucks. It did then and it still does now. At least sometimes.”