I hadn’t been able to restart Alana’s heart.
Despite how I’d been raised, despite all the weapons training and physical conditioning I’d received, I’d been rendered powerless in each one of those situations. Helpless to halt the momentum of God or the universe or whatever malevolent entity had done this from delivering its vengeance to me and my family.
I’d come here to our gym trying to expend some energy. Tomorrow, I would meet with the patriarch of the Bianchi family. It was already arranged. But I’d felt nervous as to the outcome, so I’d tried to wear myself out. A war for territory would be costly for everyone involved.
I needed to be clear-headed and at the top of my game, but I’d felt too stressed to sleep.
Molly had found me here. I’d observed her from where I stood, feeling on edge and wary. But that wariness hadn’t been enough. It hadn’t done a damn thing to stop me from throwing caution to the wind and making this huge mistake.
I’d known what I had to do—stay away from her—but I hadn’t managed to do it. What happened hadn’t been her fault. It hadn’t been anyone’s fault but my own.
So now, I laid flat on the floor of our gym, Molly on top me, gorgeously bare, her skin rosy and her face relaxed and replete. I’d felt relaxed and replete too for about thirty seconds. I’d been more than willing to share this with her, to seek and find pleasure with her.
But then what I’d done poured over me like a bucket of ice water.
Granted, she’d been the one to come to me, but I should’ve held her off. She’d hunted me down like a lioness stalking her prey, but I could’ve turned away. I could’ve left her standing there.
But I hadn’t.
Instead, I’d given in to her.
Of course, she’d been a force to reckon with since the moment I met her, but I succumbed to her all too readily. Resigned myself to her seduction. I’d wrapped myself up in her again and lost control.
I’d offered her the reins, but she didn’t know where she was going. She didn’t know where this road led.
Our first night of lovemaking had been intense, and this h
ad been even more so. Rejecting her advances wasn’t exactly my forte, especially not when I felt so strongly towards her.
I feared what would happen now. What consequence my actions would bring.
I did see a single ray of hope, however, as miniscule as it might be. If she didn’t feel that same level of intensity toward me, everything might still be okay. If my feelings were one-sided, and she’d only sought me out to receive some meaningless physical release, she could stay safe.
If.
Now, I just needed to find out.
She’d rested her head against my shoulder, and I tipped her chin up so I could stare down at those lovely features of hers. Those whiskey eyes, kissable lips, and curtain of waist-length chestnut hair.
Christ, why did she have to be so devastatingly beautiful?
She rubbed her palm over my stubble, smiling at me. It made me ache. “Why did you come here tonight, Molly?” I asked her.
“Because I…” she dropped her hand, pausing as if considering her answer. Then, she did something she’d never done before. She met my gaze and allowed her vulnerability to show. As if she was going for broke. As if she was ready to put everything on the line. “I needed you.”
My stomach stumbled out of its normal location and sank to my knees. “Needed me for this?” I gestured at the way we were tangled together.
“Yes.” Oh, thank Christ. I could give her that as much as she wanted it. As long as that’s all she wanted. But then she added, “I’ve missed you.”
“You’ve seen me every day.”
“But something’s been… I don’t know. Off. Like, cold or something. We used to be friends, but you’ve been pushing me away. And I… I need you.” She placed her hand on my heart.
I moved my gaze across the room so I wouldn’t have to look at her. I couldn’t bear to hurt her, but based on what she’d just said, I’d probably have to. “What if I told you pushing away from you was necessary?”
I thought she’d react negatively to that, but she didn’t. Instead, she lifted her hands to my cheeks and twisted my face toward hers again. She traced my lips with the tip of her finger. It made delighted little chills race through me, making me yearn to take her again.
“Then I would have to respectfully disagree. I love you, Luca.”