“My v-card and love don’t go hand in hand,” I tell her, before glancing in the mirror again. She looks at me like I’ve lost my mind, and perhaps I have, but I can’t focus on sappy emotions that I’ve seen as destructive. Watching my parents bicker and fight, even though they loved each other, has scared me.
Xavier wants me in that way. And even though I know my virginity is something to cherish, if Xavier can look past my scars, and be with me physically, then perhaps he is worthy of loving me.
Most girls think it’s a rite of passage, I don’t. My worry is that he’ll see what I’ve done and hate me, but I can’t tell my friend about that because nobody knows. Not even her.
Jenny looks at me with an arched brow, her brown eyes sparkling with amusement. “Sometimes, I worry about you.”
“I worry about me too,” I tell her with a laugh. “I’m serious, though. I don’t see it as this big thing that we all have to talk about. It’s just sex.” Even as I shrug, I know in my heart, it’s all fake.
“Your mother must’ve been great at the birds and bee’s speech,” she says, and I can’t help but roll my eyes.
“You know what she’s like,” I tell my friend. Slipping my feet into the sleek, silver sandals, I turn and look at Jenny who’s already dressed, waiting for me. “What do you think?”
“He’s going to eat his heart out.” She nods, pushing to her feet. With our heels on, we’re both the same height. Both in black dresses, mine lower cut at the back, and Jenny’s showing off her cleavage. I’m not as blessed in the front as she is, but I think we both look elegantly sexy.
“Let’s go.”
As we make our way through the house, I know my mother wouldn’t give a shit where we’re going. But Jenny’s mom just might. We make it to the door before Laurel notices us sneaking out.
“Are you two off out on the town?” she asks, her words already slurring, so I know they’ll be spending the night. One thing my mother’s been good about is not driving when she’s been drinking, and her friends are the same.
If they did need to leave, they’d have a driver collect them. Thankfully, I’ve learned to abide by the same set of rules, and tonight, I’m not drinking at all; but luckily, I have a driver who’s waiting for us.
“Yes, Mom. I told you about the party,” Jenny tells her, with a roll of her eyes. Most kids like us would rather stick forks in their eyes than to listen to their parents. They enjoy the rebellious side of being a child star, and this time, it’s no different.
“Just don’t get killed or pregnant,” Laurel says.
I’m about to walk out when my mom pipes up, “Nesrin knows that if she walks in here pregnant, she’ll be out on her ass.”
“That’s exactly what will happen to you as well, Missy,” Laurel waves her finger in the air, pointing at her daughter.
“See you later,” I call out, needing to leave before this scene turns into a session from a psychologist’s worst nightmare. I can’t deal with mind games from my mother tonight.
By the time we’re in the car, I’m buzzing with excitement. The thought of finally losing my v-card, plus the party, has my stomach flip-flopping.
It doesn’t take us long to pull up to the three-story house that looks like it’s been coated in pure gold. Shimmering fairy lights, along with tiki torches, line the entrance and garden.
Inside, the house is already a mess from the party that’s in full swing. Kids ranging from sixteen upwards fill the garden, along with the living room which is overflowing with bodies gyrating and spilling beer on the wooden floors. Some of the older college kids are playing beer pong on the long dining room table, with cigarettes hanging from their lips.
Loud music screams from the speakers as the heavy bass vibrates through my chest and we try to weave our way through the bodies. As Jenny and I enter the kitchen which has a countertop filled with bottles of alcohol, I find Xavier talking to a couple of his friends, a Solo cup in hand. When his gaze lands on me, I can’t help but notice the hunger that burns in his eyes.
“There she is,” he says out loud, pulling me under the crook of his arm. “I missed you.” His whisper is only for me to hear before he presses a kiss to my cheek.
Moments later, his two friends leave, along with Jenny, and we’re alone. My heart thuds wildly against my chest at the thought of what’s going to happen.
“Are you ready?” Xavier asks, lacing his fingers through mine. I nod, too nervous to even find the words to respond. He leads me through the house, up the stairs, and it’s almost as if I can feel all eyes on us.