“I don’t understand.”
“I know you don’t. Ishmael was in a difficult position when it came to discussing Alan with you.”
“Why is that?”
Art paused and gave me a speculative look. “What did you think of Alan?”
“To tell the truth, I thought he was a creep.”
“That’s exactly why Ishmael couldn’t talk to you about him. You weren’t disposed to listen.”
“True, I guess.”
“There’s no guesswork to it, Julie. For some reason, when it came to Alan, your mind was closed.”
“Okay, you’re right. I know that. Go on.”
“Most of Ishmael’s pupils have been like you in this one way, that when the time came to let go of him, you let go. Do you know what I’m talking about?”
“I’m not sure. I didn’t really have a choice in the matter anyway. I had to let him go.”
Art disagreed. “No, you didn’t, Julie. You could’ve said, ‘If you don’t let me go with you, I’ll slash my wrists.’ ”
“True.”
“Alan was one of those pupils who simply would not let go. Ishmael saw the signs early on, and this became a necessary element of his planning.”
“How do you mean?”
“When it became clear that Ishmael was going to have to abandon the Fairfield Building, he could involve you in his plans, but he couldn’t involve Alan. This being the case, Ishmael had no choice but simply to disappear. All Alan was going to see was that one day Ishmael was there in his office and the next day he wasn’t. He was gone, vanished into thin air.”
“You mean Alan had no advance notice at all that Ishmael was leaving?”
“That’s right. What would you have thought if one day you’d walked into Ishmael’s office and found it empty?”
“Wow, I don’t know. I guess I would’ve thought, ‘Well, kiddo, you’re on your own.’ ”
“That’s the way most people would take it—but not Alan. Alan reasoned this way: ‘If Ishmael has disappeared, then I’ve got to find him!’ Which is what he then set out to do.”
“I see. It didn’t occur to him that Ishmael wanted to disappear.”
“I doubt if he gave any thought to what Ishmael wanted. The overwhelming fact was what Alan wanted, which was to have Ishmael back.”
“Yes, I see.”
“Now, you’ve got to understand that Ishmael wasn’t just trying to ditch Alan. He was trying to wake Alan up. He was trying to shatter Alan’s dependence on him. Otherwise Alan was going to remain a pupil forever.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“Ishmael doesn’t just want pupils, he wants pupils who are going to become teachers themselves. Didn’t he make this clear to you?”
“Yes. He said all his pupils are message-bearers. That’s why it’s important for them to have ‘an earnest desire to save the world.’ Without that desire, they might do nothing with what they learned.”
“That’s right. But here’s what Ishmael was hearing from Alan: ‘I’m never going to pursue my desire to save the world—never going to become a teacher like you, never going to carry your message out into the world—because I’m going to stay here and be your pupil forever! And this is what Ishmael was trying to shatter.”
“I understand now.”
“When Alan tracked Ishmael to the carnival, the situation became even more desperate, because Alan wasn’t just saying, ‘I want to stay here and be your pupil forever,’ he was now saying, ‘I want to buy you and take you home with me and be your pupil forever.’ We really had to bring this to a complete and definitive halt.”