“All right,” I said. “I have said from the very beginning that you have to do it my way. You don’t have to believe I’m always right,”
and Astor made a sound, but didn’t say anything. “But you have to do what I say. Or I will not help you, and you will end up in jail.
There is no other way. Okay?”
It is quite possible that they didn’t know what to do with this new tone of voice and new role. I was no longer Playtime Dexter, but something very different, Dexter of Dark Discipline, which they had never seen before. They looked at each other uncertainly so I pushed a little more.
“You got caught,” I said. “What happens when you get caught?”
“Time out?” Cody said uncertainly.
“Uh-huh,” I said. “And if you’re thirty years old?”
For possibly the first time in her life, Astor had no answer, and Cody had already used up his two-word quota for the time being.
They looked at each other, and then they looked at their feet.
“My sister, Sergeant Deborah, and I spend all day catching people who do this kind of stuff,” I said. “And when we catch them, they go to prison.” I smiled at Astor. “Time out for grown-ups. But a lot worse. You sit in a little room the size of your bathroom, locked in, all day and a
ll night. You pee in a hole in the floor. You eat moldy garbage, and there are rats and lots of cockroaches.”
“We know what prison is, Dexter,” she said.
“Really? Then why are you in such a hurry to get there?” I said.
“And do you know what Old Sparky is?”
Astor looked at her feet again; Cody hadn’t looked up yet.
“Old Sparky is the electric chair. If they catch you, they strap you into Old Sparky, put some wires on your head, and fry you up like bacon. Does that sound like fun?”
They shook their heads, no.
“So the very first lesson is not to get caught,” I said. “Remember the piranhas?” They nodded. “They look ferocious, so people know they’re dangerous.”
“But Dexter, we don’t look ferocious,” Astor said.
“No, you don’t,” I said. “And you don’t want to. We are supposed to be people, not piranhas. But the idea is the same, to look DEXTER IN THE DARK
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like something you are not. Because when something bad happens, that’s who everyone will look for first—the ferocious people. You need to look like sweet, lovable, normal children.”
“Can I wear makeup?” Astor asked.
“When you’re older,” I said.
“You say that about everything!” she said.
“And I mean it about everything,” I said. “You got caught this time because you went off on your own and didn’t know what you were doing. You didn’t know what you were doing because you didn’t listen to me.”
I decided the torture had gone on long enough and I sat down on the couch in between them. “No more doing anything without me, okay? And when you promise this time, you better mean it.”
They both looked slowly up at me and then nodded. “We promise,” Astor said softly, and Cody, even softer, echoed, “Promise.”
“Well then,” I said. I took their hands and we shook solemnly.
“Good,” I said. “Now let’s go apologize to your mom.” They both jumped up, radiating relief that the hideous ordeal was over, and I followed them out of the room, closer to feeling self-satisfied than I could remember feeling before.