Soulceress (The Mythean Arcana 2) - Page 56

“You trust me? Really?” Disbelief and sarcasm tinged her tone, but desire edged beneath. She wanted his trust, even if she didn’t want to admit it. “Maybe so, though I’ve no idea how I’m supposed to believe that. Or you, when you’re so hellbent on killing Aurora.”

Tell her. His initial prejudice against her was born of his past and what Aurora had done. His unwillingness to compromise on Aurora’s fate was directly linked to her evil deeds. Esha needed to know what was at stake before she could ever possibly trust him. All he had to do was tell her.

But he couldn’t. Not when it would reveal the horror of his past. Keeping this secret had become his identity. Atoning for it even more so. And now he was going to reveal it? Face the censure and disgusted looks he’d avoided for centuries?

Esha shook her head and said, “Forget it. You’re right. I’ll help you find her, though there’s no way I’ll let you hurt her. As for whether or not you trust me and don’t hate what I am, it doesn’t matter, does it? I came onto you first and started this mess, so it’s right that I finish it.” She turned back to her magazine and began flipping the pages.

Damn it. She was shutting him out. He wanted her to believe him. Not just because they needed to have the same goals when it came to Aurora, but because he really was starting to care for her.

“Wait. I’ve got to tell you something.”

She slanted a skeptical glance at him.

“It’s about Aurora. And me. I’ve been acting like an arse because my mind is a mess right now. Aurora’s release is… a huge problem for me.”

She arched a brow.

“You know that I doona have a soul.”

Skepticism faded from her face as understanding bloomed. “Oh, shit.”

“Aye. I sold it to Aurora. In exchange for the lives of my fellow clansmen. That was after I’d killed my four cousins—men I loved like brothers.” He could feel her gaze boring into him, and though he met it briefly, his gaze was drawn to the window behind her shoulder. He couldn’t bear to look at her when she wrote him off for good.

“How?” she whispered.

He started at the beginning, with the witch burnings and his time as a mortal. When he got to the part about Aurora’s mother coming to him for help, he saw Esha’s hand tighten on the armrest of her seat. The murder of his cousins made her gasp, as did the scene of Avera’s death and the rescue of the child.

“When the fire was raging through the forest and getting closer to my village, I offered her anything to stop. She was driven mad by the death of her mother, and she wanted my soul. I sold it to her in exchange for her mercy for my village. It’s the last thing I remember. I came to in the forest, which was blackened by fire and destroyed. Eventually I learned that she’d been arrested by the university for stealing many more souls all across Europe. She was overwhelmingly powerful, or they’d have killed her. I want to kill her for making me a soulless monster.”

“Not a monster,” Esha said, concern for Warren suppressing all the hurt and confusion of the past days.

Worry radiated from him, and disgust as well. The shadows at his feet writhed and she wondered again about them. Was it possible to have shadows because you believed so truly that you’d committed evil? But he hadn’t. Not really.

“I’m sorry for your loss, and for your cousins’ deaths, but it was a mistake. Not some great big evil crime. Mytheans kill people all the time.”

“But that’s just it. I’m no’ a Mythean. I was young and cocky and self-righteous and violent and I enjoyed taking their lives. While I was killing them, I loved every second.”

Esha shrugged. “Sure. They were evil. I love killing rogues.”

“No, they were my family, and they were afraid and confused. That’s what had them out there hunting witches. And I killed them. Worse, I loved doing it. I was a different man then, as zealous as they, but with a different goal. It blinded me to the fact that they were being drawn in by the witch hunters.?

?? Tortured memories flashed in his eyes.

Understanding dawned. So that’s why he didn’t fight anymore. He didn’t like the person he was when he had a sword in his hand. “You didn’t do anything wrong. They used their superior strength and the power of a mob to kill innocent people.”

“Maybe. But I’m no’ so different than they. Worse, now that I’ve sold my soul. I’d do it again to save the village, but I’ve no humanity left. That’s what I’m fighting for.”

No humanity? She couldn’t imagine what it would be like to believe you’d sold your humanity. To live without your soul, with the threat of it being used against you. Wouldn’t she do anything to get her soul back if it were in the hands of another?

“Gods, Warren. You’re as fucked up as I am. No wonder you back away from me. We’re a terrible pair.”

A chuff of dark laughter escaped him. “Aye, perhaps. But I doona back away from you because I doona want you. I back away because I’ve used abstinence to keep my mind off the past.”

“Wait, what?”

“Celibacy. About a hundred years ago, I stopped doing anything that made me feel too much—sex, drink, hell, even betting on horses. High emotions remind me of everything I felt in the past and cutting it out made me a hell of a lot more sane. Once I noticed how much calmer my mind was, it was easy to cut out the good stuff.”

Shock blanked out all the thoughts in Esha’s mind. No sex in a century? “Wow.”

Tags: Linsey Hall The Mythean Arcana Paranormal
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