No, as though she was the cobra. What they’d just done made her soul feel raw and open and defenseless. As though all her protective layers had been peeled back.
And now this? He felt regret so soon? It scraped at the tender, newly revealed parts of her soul.
Idiot. I am such an idiot.
With painful precision, Esha straightened against the wall. It felt as delicate as her heart, as if one wrong move would shatter both to pieces and the house would crumble around her.
“Get out,” she said, horrified to hear her voice break on the last word.
How had everything gone from wonderful to horrifying in the space of an instant? He could be with her until he remembered what she was. And that hurt more than it ever had before.
“Out!” She gestured to the door, which swung open with a bang. She couldn’t bear to look at him right now, but more than that, anger with herself seethed beneath her skin like a living thing. She was falling for him, and this was the obvious consequence. She’d been such an idiot. No longer.
“No.” Warren’s voice was as hard as granite.
“What do you mean, no?”
“I mean, I’m no’ leaving. I—”
“Yes, you are. Do you think me so spineless that I’d want to be near you when you look at me like I’m a monster? After… after…”
She couldn’t believe he wanted to talk. Now? He’d just had his mouth on her, making her feel things she’d never felt before. Then, that look. The one that defined her life, that told her where she fit in his estimation and everyone else’s. It tore at her heart like little claws made of glass shards, and reminded her how desperate and stupid she’d been.
She didn’t blame him for how he felt—how could she? Everyone else felt that way. She should expect it. But she’d been stupid enough to fall for him anyway, to let something like that happen. She was just going to get hurt again. Like with Brian.
To make matters worse, his expression had now changed from blank to almost caring, as though he could see through her to the writhing mess of insecurity and pain beneath her facade. Like he gave a damn how she felt. It was all so quick, her head almost spun with the changes that flashed across his face.
Her eyes burned for how pathetic she’d been, immediately accepting the affection he offered at the expense of her own pride. It was all she had. Now she stood before him, about to cry, with her pants at her feet.
The idea so horrified her that she flung her arm out and commanded, “Go!”
The force of her power propelled him backward, out the door and into the hallway. The look of shock on his face as the door slammed in front of him only made her angrier at them both. If he couldn’t accept her when she was bared before him, as vulnerable and powerless as she’d ever be, then he’d never be able to accept her when she was at her strongest, and to him, most horrifying.
Warren stared at the door that had slammed in his face, the sight of Esha burned into his retinas. She’d glowed with power, her amber eyes an eerie beacon shining with rage and pain while her onyx hair floated about her head. She hadn’t seemed aware of her body’s changes—or she hadn’t cared.
Neither did he. What once would have disgusted him—because gods, she’d looked like Aurora in her anger all those years ago—no longer bothered him.
He was an arse. Panic had made him flee from her, push back from her as though she were poison. He was losing control of himself, giving in to his baser instincts and chucking his celibacy out the window. It freaked him the hell out. He knew what she’d seen in his face: panic and regret. T
hen came the wave of sickness that even now twisted his guts into a mess. Gods knew what she’d seen on his face when that had come.
The medicine was becoming less and less effective. Soon, he’d have to take three pills a day. The witches had been wrong. He had less time than they predicted and it was fucking things up even more. With a disgusted sigh, he shoved a hand through his hair, then clenched his fists and barely resisted punching the wall.
Being with her like that had stripped him bare, forced him to examine himself and his actions. He found himself wanting.
But he had enough problems without adding Esha to the mix. She was damned complicated. And she made his already complex and insane life only more so. His celibacy and rigid lifestyle had kept his demons at bay. And it was becoming all the more apparent that she was the key to his Pandora’s box.
CHAPTER TWENTY
The next morning, Esha cracked open her eyes to the sight of her pants crumpled on the floor. She dragged a hand across her face and groaned. She’d been so anxious to get out of them last night, yet here they were today, reminding her of what an idiot she’d been.
She could actually feel her cheeks burn. Freaking embarrassing. Not her behavior last night—pathetic is what that had been—but the fact that she was embarrassed this morning. Esha Connor didn’t do regret or embarrassment. Enough people didn’t like her. She wasn’t about to start not liking herself.
Make a bad decision? Move forward and don’t think about it.
A desire to pretend that everything was normal had her rolling out of bed to search for Warren. Whether or not she actually wanted to see him was a moot point. They had a job to do, and now, more than ever, she wanted to find Aurora.
The Chairman meowed from his spot at the foot of the bed, clearly annoyed by the jostling. He obviously thought that the huge, regal bed suited him.