23
Harper
The whole night with Ace was so perfect. Absolutely perfect. The kind of date that you only dreamed about. And I’d been so happy. Until we started driving home. Until I started thinking about Ava, waiting for me back in our apartment. Until I started thinking about the fact that I still hadn’t told Ace that he was her father.
And by this point, I was sure that I had waited too long, that the opportunity to tell him had come and gone. If I told him now, it was like I’d been lying to him this whole time.
I swallowed hard as I walked slowly up the stairs to my apartment. It seemed like such a long way, even though I did this every day. I felt exhausted.
It was clear from tonight’s date that we were no longer taking things slow. Oh, it hadn’t ended up with sex. But from the time Ace showed up at the apartment with flowers to the time that I returned, now, with a slice of cake for Maisie because Ace planned on sticking around and wanted to get into her good books, the entire game had changed.
And I’d enjoyed every minute of the date. But there was no way I could tell him about Ava now.
I pushed open the front door and closed it slowly and quietly behind me. Maisie had the TV on in the other room, and I could hear it faintly, meaning she probably hadn’t heard me come in. I fell back against the door, my head thudding against the hard wood, my heart thudding inside my chest.
I slowly slid down to the floor, putting the box of cake to the side and hugging my knees to my chest, willing myself not to cry.
I knew this wasn’t going to work out. I knew that right from the start. It was Ace, after all. He might have changed, but he didn’t want a family and children.
Tonight had been sweet and almost perfect, but the whole dinner just felt like a precursor to getting off. We were still just together because we were attracted to each other, not because he wanted some sort of deeper connection to me. I had to face facts. I had to realize this wasn’t going to be everything I’d always wanted it to be.
Maisie came into the hall, a frown on her face. “I thought I heard you come in.” She paused, staring down at me. I knew what I must look like. I could feel the tears in my eyes. “Oh, honey.” She slid down next to me on the floor and put her arm around my shoulders. “What did that asshole d
o to you?”
“It’s me!” I told her. “I’m the asshole.” I lowered my voice, reminding myself that Ava was somewhere in the apartment, too, hopefully asleep. “I still haven’t told him.”
Maisie hummed in response. “But you’re going to, aren’t you?” she asked.
I shook my head. “I need to stop seeing him,” I said. “I have to. It’s getting to be too much. And soon I’m going to crack, and I’m going to tell him the truth about Ava, because I know I have to. But then he’s going to hate me, and he’s never going to want to see me again.”
“Do you really believe that?” Maisie asked. “I saw the way he was looking at you earlier. And he brought you flowers.”
“I know,” I moaned. “And we had a great date. But isn’t it going to seem like, at this point, that I’ve been lying to him the whole time? I’ve been lying to him for years now.”
Maisie was quiet, and I knew there was no way she could respond to that one.
I sighed and shook my head, brushing away tears. “If I’m going to lose him, it’s better to cut it off early, right? Before my heart gets too involved?”
Maisie sighed. “I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but I think that at this point, it’s already probably too late to get out with your heart intact.”
I made a face and nodded. “I know,” I said quietly.
The problem was, I couldn’t seem to help falling for him. I didn’t know what it was that drew me to him. He was undeniably attractive, but there was way more to it than that. There always had been.
I’d arrived in Kuwait knowing that things were going to be difficult. That I was going to have to be flexible and adjust to a life I hadn’t been trained for in a way the SEALs had been. My six months of briefings had nothing on their years and years of hard military training. But I’d been driven to succeed, and everyone had been so incredibly welcoming.
None more so than Ace. From our walks around camp to our interviews, he’d just always made sure that I had a friend over there. Falling into his bed had been a mistake, though. A total lapse of professional judgment.
Now, it was just as big of a mistake. I had a daughter. His daughter. A daughter he had never known about. And even if I hadn’t thought that he would want to know her, I should have told him about her. Now, it seemed almost as though he did want kids, and it was all I wanted to let him into our lives. But it was too late.
I had to fix things. I had to quit seeing him.
“What can I do to help?” Maisie asked softly.
I shook my head and pushed myself to my feet, holding out the box from the restaurant. “Help me eat this slice of cake,” I told her. I really wasn’t hungry, but maybe the chocolate and the sugar would help, especially when paired with a glass of wine.
“Now that I can do,” Maisie said, grinning at me. But I could still see the concern in her eyes. “Have you ever thought that maybe he might not be mad at you?” she asked. “Or that he might get mad at you but then get over it?”