Ace ended up sitting in the middle with me on one side and Ava on the other. I’d protested at first, pointing out that Ava needed her pizza cut up into bites and that I should be ready next to her with napkins, just in case.
“I can do all that,” Ace said, as though it was obvious. He didn’t move to change seats.
“Are you sure?” I asked. It was stupid; if he said he could do it, then he could do it. I just couldn’t help thinking that Ace had once said that he didn’t want to have kids. It wasn’t fair for him to have to do those things for Ava.
But then again, he seemed to like doing them. Here he was, volunteering to help her out. He winked at me. “Take a little break, Mama,” he told me. “You still look like you’ve been wearing yourself out this week.”
I smiled at him. “I have been,” I admitted. “I could use a long, hot bubble bath this evening. But instead, I’m going to go home and finish up a bunch of work.”
I watched the two of them as we ate. Every time Ava’s hands started to get too gooey, Ace was there with a napkin. He expertly divided her pizza up into bite-sized pieces. “Have you done this before?” I asked suspiciously.
Ace looked up, startled at my accusation. Then, he shook his head. “No, but sometimes with the dogs, we have to treat them pretty similar,” he said.
“Are you equating my daughter with a dog?” I asked mock-sternly, and Ace laughed.
I had almost
called her our daughter. I was going to have to watch what I said around him. And around Ava.
I swallowed hard. I wanted to tell him, right then. The timing felt right. And he really didn’t seem like he would mind. I didn’t know what had changed since Kuwait, but he seemed like he was here now, like he was ready to settle down and have a family.
But maybe I was reading too much into his actions. Maybe it was just that he was good with kids but never wanted one of his own. And things between him and I were still too shaky. We hadn’t spent any private time together in over a week now, and who knew when we’d get the chance, with our busy schedules, to spend time together again.
No, I wouldn’t tell him now. I was just making excuses; I knew that. But I wasn’t ready for him to know, not just yet. And I probably shouldn’t tell him where Ava could hear. She was clever, and she’d understand enough of the words. She’d put it together.
If I told Ace and he decided he didn’t want anything to do with her, I didn’t want her to think that she’d done something wrong.
After lunch, we walked slowly back home. Ace waved goodbye from the end of his street. I wanted to kiss him again, that same desire swelling up inside of me. But Ava was still there—distracted by a couple butterflies, but still there. I wasn’t ready to kiss him in front of her just yet.
Ava and I continued slowly back to the house. “Mama?” Ava asked, slipping her hand into mine as we went. Her tiny little brow furrowed as she frowned, clearly thinking deep—or at least as deeply as her three-year-old mind could.
“What’s up, honey bunch?” I asked, scooping Ava up into my arms and holding her close.
“Is Mr. Ace your boyfriend?” she asked.
I nearly dropped her. “What makes you say that?” I asked cautiously, not entirely sure how to respond. Should I tell her? I felt like the more important secret was her father’s identity, and I hadn’t revealed that secret yet.
Ava shrugged unconcernedly. “He was nice,” she said. “And you smiled at him.”
And wasn’t that love, in the eyes of a three-year-old: he was nice, and you smiled at him.
I had to smile at the innocence of that. But I still didn’t know what to say. “He’s a boy, and he’s a friend,” I said cautiously. I wondered whether that was going to be enough for her or if she’d demand more information.
But she just shrugged. “Huh. Okay,” she said.
I breathed out slowly, trying not to make my sigh of relief too obvious. I was reminded again how complicated this whole thing was going to get if Ace and I really started dating. Ava was smart, and soon she’d start asking questions. Questions that were more difficult to answer than the ones about Sadie’s leg or whether Ace was my boyfriend. Questions I wasn’t sure I was prepared to deal with.
I remembered when Mom had asked me if I knew what I was doing, after my first date with “the man from the TV.” Maybe this hadn’t been such a good idea after all.
If things didn’t work out between Ace and me, I didn’t want Ava to think that any of it was her fault. And I definitely didn’t want her to feel like she had to choose sides. It had seemed like we were managing to put a nice family together, but I didn’t know if that was really what Ace wanted.
And even if it was what he thought he might want, I didn’t know how he would feel once he found out that Ava was his daughter—a fact that I’d been hiding from him for three years now.
But we were barely in the house when I got a text from Ace, thanking me for hanging out and asking if I would go on a real date with him sometime this week, schedules permitting. I immediately responded yes; it wasn’t even a question.
I could feel a goofy smile spread across my face, and I remembered what Ava had said. He’s a nice man, and you smiled at him.
I could feel the familiar tingle of anticipation hit me. I didn’t really understand why I couldn’t seem to stay away from him. But on the other hand, I wasn’t sure that I wanted to stop seeing him.