The shock of hearing her name spoken by the last man on earth she wanted to see, the hard warmth of his fingers on her arm as he steadied her, had the opposite effect from that intended.
The world swung wildly out of focus as Jonas moved closer to her, shielding her from the buffeting bodies and curious eyes, a harshly grim look about his mouth as he said her name again.
But she was beyond hearing it, beyond doing anything other than sinking gratefully into the darkness waiting for her.
When she came round she was lying down in the back of Jonas’s car. He was leaning against the open door, watching her grimly. In his hand…her eyes darted helplessly back to his face as she saw the small, betraying appointment card.
‘It was mine, wasn’t it?’ he demanded harshly. ‘My child and you…’
Something in her face must have given her away, because he suddenly tensed and then drew in a rasping breath with an effort that made his shirt stretch across his chest. Leaning into the car he placed his hand on her stomach, and said thickly, ‘You haven’t done it yet, have you… Have you?’
She shook her head, the tears clogging her throat, making it almost impossible for her to do more than say in a choked whisper, ‘I couldn’t…I meant to, but I couldn’t go through with it,’ and then she was crying in earnest, terrible, racking sobs that tore at her body.
Something in his face seemed to relax a little, although his voice was still harsh as he said, ‘No, and you’re not going to; I intend to make damn sure of that.’
‘But I can’t have it…’ She was beyond reason now, the effect of shock upon shock such that she could barely comprehend that it was actually Jonas she was talking to and not some figment of her imagination sent to play Devil’s a
dvocate. ‘Even if I go away I can’t keep it a secret. Sam will want to know who the father is. I couldn’t lie to him, and anyway he would probably guess. How could I have your child, when Sam’s marrying your sister, and…’
‘Quite easily,’ Jonas told her curtly, interrupting her muddled flow of words. ‘We’ll get married.’
It stemmed her tears and made her struggle to sit up so that she could look at him.
‘But we can’t!’
‘Why not? Because you’re still in love with your precious Rick?’ His mouth twisted. ‘Maybe, but you’re carrying my child. A child I don’t intend to let you abort, and that if you’re honest you don’t want to abort, otherwise you wouldn’t be here now.’
It was so true that she could think of no response other than to bite painfully on her lower lip.
‘But you don’t want to marry me,’ she said at last.
He shrugged, ‘Maybe not, but I’d prefer marrying you to standing by while you destroy our child, and I agree with you. In the circumstances it isn’t on that you could bring it up alone. Even if that was what I wanted, and it isn’t. I’ve always believed that both parents are equally responsible for the conception of a child, and so are equally responsible for its upbringing and care. I’ve no intention or desire to play the role of part-time father.’
‘But we can’t marry, just like that,’ protested Sara weakly. Even to her own ears her protest sounded weak and almost feeble-minded, but the shock of seeing him, the total unexpectedness of his proposal, seemed to have robbed her of the ability to reason properly. With his words, with his assumption of control, he was taking from her the burden of having to worry, and it struck her as ironic that she, who had always prided herself so much on her independence, should be so willing to let herself be dictated to. Sitting here in the back of his car while he frowned down at her with curt impatience was surely the least lover-like of situations, and yet in a way she felt happier than she could ever remember feeling in her life. She wanted to marry him, she acknowledged wryly. No doubt when she felt stronger she would regret giving in to his coercion, and even now some shreds of common sense and logic warned her that nothing but heartbreak could come from the sort of marriage Jonas would have in mind. To marry a man without having his love, when she loved him so desperately, was surely the deepest folly known to womankind. And yet others had done it before her, and she would have his child to love. Even if she hadn’t loved him she would have been grateful to him for providing her with the opportunity to keep her baby. But if she didn’t love him it would all be so much easier, she thought bitterly. If she didn’t love him she wouldn’t be so desperately afraid of betraying herself to him, of…
‘You can stop thinking about it,’ his curt voice told her grittily. ‘There isn’t a choice, Sara, and believe me I don’t intend to let you out of my sight until you’re safely married to me. I’m not going to take the risk of you…’
‘We can’t get married just like that,’ Sara protested, ignoring the last part of his speech. ‘What will Sam and Vanessa say…?’
‘What can they say?’ he half jeered. ‘Especially when they find out about the baby. Okay, so they might be surprised, but they’re hardly going to be shocked.’
‘It isn’t that. I’m not concerned about them knowing about the baby. At least…’ She bit her lip and looked away from him. ‘If Sam thinks I’m marrying you because I’m pregnant…’
She was unprepared for the look of anger that flashed across his face.
‘He won’t know, because you’re not going to say one word that will give him that impression,’ he told her bitingly. ‘As far as Vanessa and Sam are concerned, we’re quite desperately in love with one another, and I’m so frightened of losing you that I intend to marry you just as soon as it can be arranged. In fact, I don’t think we’ll bother telling them; we’ll just present them with a fait accompli.’
There were a hundred protests she ought to have made, but somehow they all remained unvoiced. It was rather shocking to discover how much she had changed, how much she craved the security and protection that Jonas gave her. Somehow it was easier to give in and let him take control than it was to protest.
‘I’d like to chain you to my side from now until we get married,’ he told her after they had visited the registrar and fixed up the details of the wedding, ‘but since that’s impossible I’m going to ask you to give me your word…’
‘That I won’t destroy your child?’ she finished shakily for him. It was unnerving to realise how jealous she felt already of her unborn child, secure in its father’s love in a way that she never could be. ‘I want to keep my baby, Jonas,’ she told him fiercely, ‘and because of that…’
‘You’ll marry me. I’m not under any illusions that you’d marry me for any other reason,’ he interrupted sardonically. ‘But if the baby turns out to be a boy, I promise you one thing; he isn’t going to be called Rick.’
Sara turned away, not wanting him to see the pain in her eyes.
Having insisted that she was in no fit condition to drive herself home, Jonas bundled her into his car, silencing her protests by saying that he would get his garage to pick hers up and drive it back for her later in the day.