“Should I go?” she asked. Surely not.
“Yeah, it’s pretty late.” He palmed the back of his neck and avoided looking at her.
Crickitt slipped on her shoes and stood, straightening her shirt. He spared her a glance. She took the opportunity of eye contact to ask, “What just happened?”
“Nothing.” His voice raised a note. Calmer, he added, “I’ve been up late all week. Makes me grouchy.” He offered a stiff smile. “I’ll rest up this weekend, be back to normal by Monday.”
Monday? They spent every day together and now he wanted to go all weekend without seeing her? She felt the pull of an argument, the words jumbling in her head. She thought they’d shared a deep connection and had since dismissed the day by the waterfall. The day he’d suggested something casual.
Had she been fooling herself this whole time? Maybe nothing had changed. Maybe he still wanted to keep things casual. And if that was the case, she was in no position to argue with him.
The thought stung like a fresh paper cut.
Crickitt paced to the door, talking herself down along the way. Shane was a bachelor. He wasn’t used to having someone soak up his every free minute. Maybe he really did need to rest, to be alone.
She shouldered her purse, putting on a smile that wasn’t full of doubt and resentment before she faced him. “See you Monday.” And then out of nowhere, she added, “Sorry for asking about the clock.”
At the same time she grasped the doorknob, Shane’s palm wrapped around her arm. His expression was a mix of pain, uncertainty, and hesitation. Like he wanted to talk to her but couldn’t. Or maybe he wasn’t ready.
When he didn’t say anything, she tipped her head and kissed him, half hoping he’d grab her up and tell her not to go. He didn’t. “Monday,” she said, giving him her best unaffected smile.
He nodded.
Then, forcing her doubts to the pit of her stomach, she left.
Chapter 27
Crickitt unloaded the contents of her canvas bag on Monday morning, her movements jerky. She flitted another glance at Shane’s closed office door across the hall. He wasn’t in there. She’d arrived at work an hour early, hoping she could talk to him before the rest of the staff hustled in. True to his word, he hadn’t called her over the weekend. Twice, she’d dialed his number before clearing the screen instead of hitting Call.
She’d tried to convince herself she was overreacting, but her intuition popped like water in hot oil.
Were they through? Had their brief affair met its expiration date? Was she more foolish for sleeping with him in the first place, or for wanting to continue to sleep with him now?
She shook her head to dislodge the erratic thoughts. It was possible she was being overly sensitive. And after the last twelve months of dealing with Ronald, who could blame her? Who wouldn’t look for early warning signs of The End after missing so many in her marriage?
She’d never been good at holding back. When she got involved with someone, she was as see-through as cellophane. But with Shane, she’d tried. She never asked or expected him to stay overnight. She didn’t pack a bag when he invited her to his house, didn’t linger in his office or call him or text him unless it was work-related. She’d done her best to be what Shane needed. And for what? So he could usher her out of his house, out of his life?
Crickitt slumped in her chair. She felt horrible. She felt used. She felt unwanted. What started out as magical had morphed into a dirty one-week stand. And she hated it.
But before the burrowing insects of doubt made their way into her heart, Crickitt squared her shoulders and straightened in her chair. She refused to do this. To allow their affair, no matter how short-lived, to annihilate her. She wasn’t about to curl up and let another man kick her around like a soccer ball. She’d dismantled a marriage, her home, her former persona. Surely she was strong enough to handle this.
Snatching her empty mug, she headed for the coffeepot. Shane may be capable of compartmentalizing relationships, but she wasn’t as shallow. And that was okay. Better than okay, it was admirable.
Lengthening her legs as she walked, she strengthened her gait, stiffened her spine. Every experience in her life had brought with it a lesson. This one was no different. And if the lesson was that she was unable to seal off her emotions, that she couldn’t separate her heart from her head, well, then, she had nothing to be ashamed of. And in the future she wouldn’t pretend to be someone she’s not.
Her inner cheerleader dropped her pom-poms the moment she entered the break room and nearly collided with Shane’s wide shoulders. Because no matter how inspired her speech was, no matter how carefully crafted her wall of protection, when she saw him, she couldn’t deny the truth.