Devil Said Bang (Sandman Slim 4) - Page 92

“I had a vision.”

“Of course you did. All you prophets do is have visions. And burn heretics. That’s like catnip to you people. Why don’t you take a pottery class or learn Japanese?

She frowns.

“You don’t believe in oaths or revelations. What  do you believe in, Lord Lucifer?”

“I believe we’re going to be dead a lot longer than we’re alive, so anything you like you should do to excess. I believe America lost its soul when they took the big-block V-8 out of Mustangs. I believe Hollywood should stop remaking A Star Is Born.”

She looks at me and slowly shakes her head.

“I have to apologize for burning you in effigy. I thought you were our enemy. Now I see that your greatest enemy is yourself.”

“Don’t get your panties in a twist, Mary Magdalen. Aside from a couple of paper cuts I’m doing fine.”

“Of course.”

She pulls a folded piece of paper and a pen from inside her robes and hands them to me.

“Before we left, I took the liberty of drawing up an agreement. There’s nothing in here we didn’t discuss earlier. My church gets its own Tabernacle and funding not less than but not exceeding that of the old church.”

I sign the papers and hand them back to her.

“You’re not going to read them first?”

“You saved my ass. I’m fine with whatever’s in there.”

She puts her hands on my shoulders and turns me toward her. Looks at my scorched armor and the wound on my neck.

“You did that to yourself? You’re mad.”

I shrug.

“I had to be out of it enough that the killers would make their move. It was either the Gladius or a bullet, and I’ve been shot enough for one lifetime, thanks.” I say, “Tell me about your vision.”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because you don’t believe in anything. To tell it to you would be to cheapen it.”

“I just gave you a church.”

“I just saved your life. And we both did what we did for the same reason. We wanted something from each other.”

“You know I’ve only been Lucifer for like three months, right? I’m not the one that made you ride in the back of the bus all these years.”

She waves to one of her men. He comes over and she hands him the agreement. He goes back to wait with the others. Smart woman. She wants the paper away from me in case I change my mind.

She says, “It suits you, you know. Armor for the man who is always armored.”

“Visions and fashion tips? You do it all, sister.”

She leans back like she’s sizing up her kid for his first big-boy pants.

“I mean it. You look better in it than the other Lucifer. Look at the damage God’s final thunderbolt did to the metal.”

She touches the battered part of the armor.

Tags: Richard Kadrey Sandman Slim Fantasy
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