"They are yours. You look like a fucking child in those video store things. You should wear your own clothes. They will help you remember who you are."
I roll down the top of the bag and put it on the seat beside me. I suppose I do look stupid in these shirts. In my head I'm still nineteen. Time is stuck there and it's like a punch in the balls every time I look in the mirror. At least no one will bother me for ID when I buy beer now.
But I don't want to look at what's in the bag right away. Part of me wants to burn everything Alice and I left behind eleven years ago. Another part wants to leave it all right where it is, frozen in time, like bugs trapped in amber. It never occurred to me to wear any of my old clothes again.
"There was something weird and familiar about that amulet and I've been trying to remember what since I left the club."
Donut Universe is a twenty-four-hour place with an outer-space theme. There's a big plastic UFO suspended from the ceiling over the display case. The girl working the counter is a green-haired pixie who looks somewhere between twelve and thirty-five. She's wearing sequined antennae that bob up and down when she talks. The grown-up part of my brain imagines that she tears the stupid things off and tosses them in the backseat of her car the moment she's finished her shift. The nineteen-year-old in me wonders if she sometimes wears the antennae when she screws her boyfriend, and what it's like to look up and see her and those sequined balls bobbing up and down over you.>"I had a movie on. Dust Devil. You ever see it?"
"Isn't that a horror flick?"
"Sort of a horror movie crossed with a spaghetti western. You ought to take a look. The girl character dumps her boyfriend and then spends the rest of the movie trying to get away from a ghost world killer who's sort of in love with her. She runs, but she's no coward. She fights back and stays brave. You'd like her."
"Thanks. I'll have a look." She gives me a distracted smile.
"Listen, I'm sorry if I said anything stupid last night. I haven't been in the city in a long time. I grew up here, but it might as well be the dark side of the moon."
"I feel that way sometimes, too."
"There's something else you're wondering about. You're wondering if I'm an ex-con. The answer is yes."
"Oh." She busies herself breaking open rolls of coins and putting the change in the register. "I only wondered because of, you know, the scars."
"Would it help if I told you that I didn't go away because of something I did, but because of something someone else wanted?"
"Are you, like, on parole?"
"It's more of a work-release thing. If things work out, I won't be going back at all."
"I had a boyfriend who did time."
"A dealer, right?"
She looked up at me, her expression shifting from interest to suspicion. "How did you know that?"
"A long time ago, I had a girlfriend named Alice. Your eyes are like hers were when I first met her. There's this funny thing that happens to girls' eyes when they've been in love with a dealer. It's a real particular look. More than not trusting people. It's like you're trying to figure out if they're the same species as you, like they might be a snake in a people mask."
She's still looking at me, sizing me up, and trying to classify me as animal, vegetable, or mineral. "Can we maybe change the subject?"
"Sure. I just wanted you to know the truth. I'm not a snake. I'm just a person like you."
She turns a key on the register, clearing yesterday's transactions and getting ready for today's. "But it's not the whole truth, though, is it? You're not like Michael was, but there's still a little bit of the snake thing going on behind your eyes."
"What do you expect? I'm from L.A."
She laughs. I can hear her breathing steady, her heart slow. Her fear doesn't disappear; she's too smart and wary for that. But she's not going to call the cops or stab me in my sleep, and what more can you ask of a pretty girl?
I start upstairs, but turn back to Allegra. "What day is it?"
"Thursday. It'll be New Year's in a few days."
"We should get some champagne for the store. And those popper things, too. They look like little bottles. Take some money out of the till and go buy whatever you think is fun."
"How much can I spend?"
"Buy whatever you want."
"Hey, those were nice leathers you had on yesterday. Do you have a motorcycle?"