gh she had made good money the past week from taking care of Maggie, it wasn't nearly enough to put a deposit down on a nice apartment. Rent had skyrocketed in the city and she was lucky to have a place at all.
I guess I'll just got to try to be happy with what I've got, she thought, reaching forward to grab the remote from the coffee table.
When she looked up at the television, she nearly laughed. She'd almost forgotten how small the screen was. Compared to Wyatt's, it looked like a handheld device. In order to make out the image, she almost had to squint.
The real problem, is that I got a taste of what the good life could be like and now anything less seems terrible, she thought. I guess it's true what they say, about how what people don't know doesn't hurt them. I was happy with this apartment before I lived with Wyatt. Now, this place just seems kind of drab and empty.
It wasn't just her surroundings that made her sad, though. The emptiness she felt didn't come just from her cramped living room and the lack of luxury she had there. It also came from the fact that she was no longer playing house wife. She was no longer taking care of Maggie or making meals for Wyatt. That was what really ate her up the most.
For the previous ten days, she'd had a real purpose in her life. Every morning, she had a mission. It changed every day, but it always involved making breakfast for Maggie and then taking her to do something fun. Now that she was back in her apartment, she only had to fend for herself. It felt meaningless to her.
As much as I hate to admit it, I think I really just enjoyed playing Susie Housewife, she thought, with a chuckle. There's no doubt about it, actually. Last week was the happiest week I've ever had. I didn't have any worries. I wasn't concerned about making my rent or getting up two hours before dawn to make make coffee for grumpy strangers. I was completely in the moment, exactly where I wanted to be. I was surrounded by the two people that I care more about than anybody else in this whole world.
“But what on Earth am I supposed to do about it?” she whispered to herself, followed by a long sigh.
Lily leaned her head back, letting the couch cushions pull her in even further. She stared up at the popcorn ceiling, mindlessly watching the overhead fan spin lazily above her. Her heart ached. She missed Wyatt's house. She missed being with him and getting to spend time with Maggie. All she wanted to do right then was to pick up her cell phone and give him a call.
I can't do that, though, she thought. I can't call Wyatt. Not right now. He'd wonder what I was calling about and think I was weird and creepy if I called just to hear his voice. That's really all I need to hear, though. That would ease this worry and anxiety inside of me. Just a quick conversation.
She stood up and grabbed her phone from her purse, then took a seat once again. When she opened up the screen, she was greeted by the old photo of Wyatt, Caroline and Maggie at the beach. She couldn't help but to smile when she saw it. For a moment, she really considered unlocking the phone and calling Wyatt. After seeing that picture, though, she knew that she couldn't. Caroline was in that photo and it reminded Lily of the night before, when Wyatt stopped the foreplay.
I can't step on his feelings, she thought, tossing the phone to the opposite side of the couch. I have to respect his decision not to get too close to me. If I care for him, which I do, then I need to honor his wishes.
“God, I wish I could just get him to lower his walls, though,” she said out loud.
I'd give anything just to get to spend one evening with Wyatt, where we were both free as birds, she thought. Just a few hours where we could forget about our pasts, and who we are and what we do. Maybe then, if both of us could drop our walls, we'd get to experience what we really want with each other. What's the harm in that, really? It's obvious that both of us are attracted to each other, so why do we have to continually play these games?
Lily battled herself in her own mind, wishing that she could change something that she had no control over. It was exhausting and soon, she was so tired and upset by it that all she wanted to do was to go to bed. So that's what she did. She got up and headed straight to her bedroom, leaving the unpacked suitcases by the door.
Her bed, which was normally such an inviting sanctuary for her, also felt foreign. It was only a twin size mattress, less than half the size of the one she got to enjoy at Wyatt's place. She crawled on top of the covers and laid her face in the pillow, letting out a frustrated scream.
“Why is this so hard?!” she shouted to herself.
Lily quickly rolled over on her back and stared at the ceiling.
I just want to feel happy again, she thought. I just want to be back living at Wyatt's, that's all.
Lily thought about calling her parents and telling them the situation, but she couldn't do that. Her mom and dad would never understand what she was up against. They'd never be able to make her feel better about her attraction to the father of her surrogate daughter. Neither would any of her friends. They all already thought it was weird that she even stayed in touch with Maggie and Wyatt. They would have disowned her if they ever found out she had a burning schoolgirl crush on Wyatt.
She was alone, with nobody to call and nobody to comfort her. She felt like crying and screaming and punching the wall, all at the same time. In her gut, was a ball of every possible emotion that she could feel. There was pain, jealousy, anxiety, hope, desperation and love. Love for Wyatt. Love for Maggie. Love for getting the chance to spend so much time with them over the last week.
I should just go to bed, she thought, despite the fact that it wasn't even noon. Maybe I need a nap. Maybe I'll wake up and everything will feel a little better.
With that, Lily rolled over and closed her eyes. As she slowly drifted to sleep, the only thing she could think about was Wyatt and how amazing it would have felt if he was lying on that tiny twin mattress with her.
Chapter 22
Wyatt
Not more than ten minutes after Lily left with her bags, Wyatt heard the doorbell ring. He was downstairs, playing in the basement with Maggie. His eyes widened and he smiled.
Did Lily forget something here? He wondered. Maybe I'll get to see her again.
Since the moment she'd walked out his front door, his heart had been aching. It had only been about ten minutes, but he legitimately missed her. His house felt empty now that she was gone.
“I'll be right back, okay?” he asked Maggie, who was too focused on her coloring book to even look up.
“Okay,” she said, still coloring away.