“We are not taking our grandmother to a hospice,” Amanda said curtly cutting the doctor off. From the corner of her eye, Amelia saw Mark placing a reassuring hand on her sister’s shoulder.
“I know but her stats are not changing. If anything, she is just getting worse and she seems to be taking a turn towards that point of no return.” The doctor was now looking at each Gold girl in turn. “Even with the machines, we cannot do anything if she codes at this point.”
“What does that mean? What do you mean when you say you cannot do anything?” she asked. Doctor Van der Heusen looked at Amanda.
“You didn’t tell her?” he asked.
“Tell me what? What the hell is going on?” Amelia asked. She was now getting antsy. She’d had a bad feeling all day and maybe, just maybe, this was it. “Well, someone had better talk right the fuck now!”
“Language Amelia!” Amanda said in a loud whisper.
“I’ll leave you to talk alone,” the doctor said before he began walking away but Amanda held his hand.
“No. Stay.” She said without looking at him.
“Grandma Leila signed a DNR, Amelia,” Amanda finally said after what seemed like forever.
“A DNR? What the hell is that?” Amelia asked feeling more confused than ever.
Amanda looked at Chad who was now taking Amelia’s hand.
“Why won’t you guys talk to me?” Amelia asked, feeling even more frustrated.
“Baby, A DNR is a Do Not Resuscitate order. It means that Grandma Leila does not want to be brought back if she begins showing signs…” Chad never got a chance to finish his sentence.
“The hospital is going to let Grandma Leila die?” she asked, her voice quavering. She could feel herself slowly losing hope in everything.
“They will not let her die. They just won’t do anything to stop the process, that’s all,” Mark explained.
“How is that different from what I just said?” Amelia asked. Her voice was now louder than she had intended to use. Doctor Van der Heusen looked at her and sighed.
“Your grandmother was trying to save you the heartache of an impossible situation and as things stand right now, I can tell you for a fact that things will only get worse. Her organs will begin shutting down and all that will happen in a matter of hours.” Amelia choked back a tear. “I suggest you begin making your peace with the situation right now.”
Amelia was not sure whether it was her body acting up or that the room had suddenly gotten a few degrees hotter. She didn’t even realize when a tear began rolling down her cheek. She turned and looked into Chad’s eyes.
“Did you know about this?” she asked and he shook his head.
“But baby, you have to understand….” Chad started but Amelia didn’t want to hear anything. She pulled away from his grip and walked away leaving a worried Amanda staring after her.
“Go with her. Make sure my little sister is okay,” she said looking at Chad who was nodding. “I don’t know if I can stand seeing her like this, Mark. I mean, mom and dad’s death was hard enough but this…” she started before Mark held her close.
“Amelia is stronger than she looks. She will be okay,” he said softly as he ran his hand up and down her back.
*****
“Can I come in?” Chad asked as he sat down next to Amelia. She nodded and sniffed back yet another tear. “You know as much as you hate the idea, you have to go into that room and say your goodbyes to Leila, right?”
Amelia shook her head and turned to look at him.
“I don’t think I can,” she said in a soft voice.
“Remember when you told me that the one thing you wanted more than anything was a chance to say goodbye to your parents?” Chad started as he took her hand in his. “Well, like it or not baby, Leila doesn’t have a lot of time with us and you are being given the one thing you never got with your parents.” He began running his thumb on the back of her hand slowly. “You can have the goodbye you deserve with Leila,” he added in a soft voice.
“But what if I can’t do it?”
“I’ll be right there with you, Amelia. I won’t let you do this alone. You know that you will hate yourself if she goes and you don’t get a chance to do this, right?” She nodded and he stood up. “Come on, then. I’ve got you,” he said as he helped her up gently. He held her face in his hands and kissed her softly. “This is the right thing to do,” he whispered as he pressed his forehead against hers.
“I know but it still sucks,” Amelia said making Chad smile.