“Let’s get you reclined and check on this baby,” Dr. Gabriel said, taking charge.
Bianca laid back and the doctor began the ultrasound, wincing with pain as she moved the wand. Alex gripped her hand, his face a mask of concern. They both watched the doctor’s face for any sign of what was going on. She gave nothing away and that made Bianca even more nervous. After several agonizing moments, Dr. Gabriel turned to them, regret in her eyes.
“What’s wrong?” Bianca asked, her voice cracking.
“I don’t see a heartbeat, Bianca,” the doctor started. “And it looks as if you’ve begun to bleed.”
Bianca’s face crumbled and she began to sob silently into her hands. This wasn’t happening.
“I don’t understand?” Alex said eyeing the doctor with incomprehension.
Bianca turned to him, tears streaking down her face and a lump in her throat that made her feel as if she was going to gag. “I lost the baby, Alex. I’m sorry,” her voice breaking on a sob. In only a matter of two hours, Bianca’s bliss turned to mourning and she wished more than anything that she could make the pain go away.
Chapter 8
Bianca was rocking a baby, she wasn’t sure if it was a boy or a girl, but it was hers. She could feel it in her bones. The tiny face was covered by the soft yellow blanket, but even though she couldn’t see the baby’s face she could feel the love surrounding her. She felt so relaxed and calm and almost drifted off to sleep. Suddenly the fire alarm was blaring and the baby was gone from her arms. Coughing on the smoke filling the nursery, Bianca turned her head back and forth frantically looking for the baby. She couldn’t find it. The baby was crying loudly but was nowhere to be seen. Panic engulfed her as she searched all of the rooms in the smoke filled house looking for the baby. A voice beckoned her from outside but she couldn’t see who it was. But she recognized the voice. Alex!
“Alex! Where are you?!? Our baby is missing!” Bianca screamed, running as fast as she could towards his voice.
Where was he? Finally she emerged from the house but Alex was gone. The sound of the crying baby had stopped and Bianca collapsed on the ground, defeated. The baby was gone. Alex was gone. She began to sob as the house burned down around her. She heard sirens in the distance but she couldn’t make out the fire trucks. The sirens were getting louder and louder. Someone was shouting her name again.
Bianca bolted upright in bed, sobs wracking her body. The dream was still fresh in her mind and a chill shook her as she realized the meaning. Her baby w
as gone. She felt empty, lost.
“Bianca?” Alex asked, his hand resting on her arm. He must have been trying to wake her.
“I’m sorry, Alex. I didn’t mean to wake you,” Bianca whispered sadly.
“You were crying in your sleep so I woke you. Were you having a nightmare?” He asked, rubbing her arm to comfort her.
She nodded, but didn’t tell him about it because she didn’t want to relive it and she didn’t want to see the pity that was sure to flash across his face when she said it; pity and sadness. It was her fault. Her stupid body failed and she lost Alex’s baby. How could he even look at her? She hated herself right now. Even though it had been a week since the miscarriage and proceeding D&C, Bianca still felt raw inside, like there was an opened wound that wouldn’t heal. Shrugging off the sudden wave of grief that engulfed her, Bianca lay back down on her pillow, allowing Alex to pull her into his arms. She didn’t deserve his comfort. She didn’t deserve anything. Closing her eyes to fight back tears, Bianca began to count backwards from one hundred, hoping it would help her fall asleep. By the time she reached fifty she knew it was a lost cause. Glancing over at her clock and seeing it was just after four-thirty, Bianca decided to get up. Today was the day she was supposed to return to work. It was the last thing she wanted to do. Sighing with frustration, Bianca climbed out of bed, being careful not to wake Alex since he seemed to have fallen back to sleep while they were laying there.
Bianca padded down the stairs and into the kitchen to make herself a cup of coffee. Hopefully coffee would wake her up enough to get her through the day. At this rate, she would need at least five cups to sustain her. Having little appetite, Bianca decided against breakfast and took her steaming cup of coffee to the living room to watch the morning news. After several sad stories about shootings and fires, Bianca switched the TV off, her broken heart unable to take much more tragedy. Setting down her coffee on the end table, Bianca reclined back on the couch; she suddenly felt so exhausted. She would just close her eyes for a few minutes. As she drifted off to sleep Bianca had the faint image of being covered by a blanket.
*****
Alex rested the quilt over Bianca’s sleeping body, noticing the dark smudges under her chocolate brown eyes. She was barely sleeping lately and when she did she would wake in the middle of the night crying or screaming from nightmares. At the moment, she looked peaceful, her dark brown curls spread out on the pillow. Alex heard her get up, which wasn’t unusual lately. It seemed he couldn’t remember a time when Bianca didn’t wake before five a.m. Heaving a sigh of frustration, Alex tiptoed into the kitchen and brewed a cup of coffee for himself. The job he landed the day of Bianca’s miscarriage was on hold. He hadn’t even told her about it because he knew she needed him by her side while she healed. Alex was equally devastated but knew there was nothing either of them could have done to prevent it. Bianca felt otherwise. She blamed herself. Of course she never mentioned it to him directly but he knew that’s what she was thinking. After just two months, Alex was able to read Bianca better than anyone he knew.
Running a hand through his sleep tousled hair; Alex sat at the kitchen table and dropped his head in his hands with defeat. He felt like they were drifting apart but that was the last thing he wanted. Or maybe Bianca was pushing him away. Didn’t she see that they needed each other now more than ever? Stifling a curse Alex dumped his now cold cup of coffee in the sink and started back upstairs. He would just have to try harder, there was no way in hell he was going to lose her, he’d only just found her in the first place.
*****
Bianca woke up confused. Where was she and what time was it? Work! She bolted upright and looked around with panic. She was on the couch, a throw blanket over her legs. It was light out, but what time was it? Afraid she was late for work, Bianca stood up from the couch and headed towards the kitchen, the lights inside blaring. Where was Alex? She suddenly remembered that he slept over. Rubbing the sleep from her eyes, Bianca stumbled tiredly to the coffee maker. She glanced at the clock on the microwave; it was six forty-five. Kicking herself into high gear, Bianca brewed a cup of coffee. She turned and froze at what she saw before her. Alex was lying with his head on his arms, asleep at the table. Sighing with regret at the way their relationship was going the last few weeks, Bianca forgot about her coffee and walked over to where Alex was sleeping.
“Alex,” she whispered, leaning down to kiss his cheek. She felt bad waking him but she also knew he had job hunting to do.
“Hmmm,” he mumbled, turning his head.
“You fell asleep at the table,” Bianca said, running her hand through his sandy hair.
“I’m sorry,” he answered, sitting upright.
Bianca shook her head, “It’s okay I just didn’t want you to get a stiff neck.”
“Right,” Alex said rubbing his neck. “I think it already started.”
Bianca smiled at the way he was playing up his stiff neck. “Would you like me to rub it for you?”