“Bianca,” Dr. Gabriel began, shuffling papers in the folder on her desk, “How are you?”
Bianca scowled; she had the nerve to make Bianca come all the way to the office, and scared her half to death to ask how she was doing? Fighting the desire to snap at her, Bianca took a deep breath before she answered.
“I’m not exactly doing well right now,” Bianca replied, wringing her hands in her lap again. “The call from the nurse rattled me a bit and I had to leave work extra early because I was so distracted. I’d appreciate if you would just let me know what is wrong with me.”
The edge in Bianca’s voice was noticeable, but she didn’t have time for pleasantries, she just wanted to know what the hell was wrong with her.
Dr. Gabriel cleared her throat and ran a hand through her short, salt and pepper hair, frowning. “Okay then, we’ll get right to it. After looking over all of the tests we ran, the results indicate that your body is going into early menopause.”
Relief swamped Bianca at the revelation that she didn’t have cancer, only to be followed by grief at the reality of what Dr. Gabriel had just said. Menopause? That meant no babies, which meant her dream wouldn’t be realized. Bianca bowed her head, a single tear trickling down her face and onto her lap. Taking a deep breath she looked up.
Choking back a sob, Bianca turned her attention back to the doctor, her head swimming with questions. “What does this mean for me and my reproductive future?” She asked, swiping under her eye at another wayward tear. Crying wouldn’t fix what was wrong with her.
“You have a few options,” Dr. Gabriel explained. “We can give you hormones and you can do invitro and get pregnant now, you can freeze your eggs, or you can do the hormone therapy and wait to see what will happen. I usually recommend freezing eggs in this situation and doing the hormone therapy just to keep your options open.” The doctor finished speaking and looked at Bianca expectantly.
She wants me to make a decision now? She thought, suddenly re-thinking her decision to see this doctor. She was awfully pushy.
“I think I’m going to need some time to think about this. I’ll call the office and make an appointment to do whatever it is I decide.” Bianca stood, gathering her purse and sweater, and started toward the door, “Thanks.”
The doctor nodded, “Take care.”
Bianca exited the room, heading towards reception to check out. She was on autopilot, her mind racing with the options and what it all meant. All the way home she tried to make a decision about what to do. She didn’t want to wait too long, even with the hormone therapy. The fear of not being able to have a child would weigh on her every day. The sperm donor option just wasn’t something she wanted. She wanted a father for her child and raising a baby alone wasn’t something she wanted
to do, although if that was her only option to have a child she would consider it. Freezing her eggs felt like the right choice, even if her body betrayed her even more and she couldn’t have a baby the traditional way in a few years, maybe freezing her eggs would give her and her future husband the option to have a baby anyway.
Bianca pulled into her tiny garage, shutting the car off. She sat there for a few minutes and didn’t move, the events of the day surrounding her. Taking a deep breath, she collected her things and headed into the house. Monster greeted her with a hungry meow, and wound his body around her legs. Bianca patted his head and filled his bowl with food for the evening. Absently she opened the refrigerator, but her appetite was nonexistent. Closing the door with a sigh, Bianca headed upstairs; she needed a hot bath and possibly a glass of wine. Filling the tub, Bianca pulled her phone from her purse checking her messages and email. Her mom called twice, but everything was so urgent to her mom. She had a few work related emails, which she read and discarded or responded to accordingly. Next she moved on to the text messages. Her mom had texted her two times as follow up to the phone calls. Bianca typed off a quick message that she would call her tomorrow and moved on. The next message made her heart stop. It was from Alex.
Alex: Thinking about you today. Just wanted to see how you were doing.
The message was sent around the same time she was at the doctor’s office. If she had taken her phone out of her purse and gave into her fight to call Alex she would have seen it, and likely called him. Bianca wasn’t sure how to proceed. She had momentarily forgotten about Alex when hit with the news from her doctor. A seed of an idea began to grow in Bianca’s mind, but she pushed it back as soon as it started. It was a ridiculous idea. Ignoring the desire to respond to Alex, Bianca slipped into the tub, setting her phone on the floor mat. She sank back, closing her eyes. The stress of the day began to slip away and with it came more thoughts of Alex. Despite her best efforts she couldn’t get him, or his kiss, out of her head.
Wishing to forget the bad news from today, Bianca focused on her thoughts of Alex, and they way his lips felt against hers. She pictured him, and her sex began to throb, moisture wetting her between her thighs, more than the bathwater had. She suddenly ached for him and what he offered her that night in the hospital. Bianca wanted to feel like a whole woman and this ordeal with her body made her feel lacking. Before she knew what she was doing her hand slipped between her shapely thighs, cupping her mound. She moaned, picturing her hand as Alex’s hand, pretending he was with her in the tub. Her eyes slipped closed as she parted her folds with her finger, finding her clit. Bianca could see Alex’s smooth pale skin, and rippling abs in her mind. Her mind’s eye traveled down to his crotch, and while she didn’t get a good look before they were interrupted, she remembered the feel and size of his erection as it pressed against the front of his jeans. Bianca slipped two fingers inside of herself, moaning with pleasure, imagining that it was Alex’s large cock.
A shrill ring sounded in the bathroom, echoing off of the walls and Bianca jumped, removing her hand from between her legs. Her phone was ringing. With an aggravated sigh, Bianca looked down at her phone’s display, fully prepared to cuss her mother out for not respecting her words. But it wasn’t her mom’s name that she read on the screen, it was Alex’s. Scrambling to dry her hands, Bianca snatched the phone from the mat regardless of her brain screaming at her to avoid him. She was done avoiding. After today’s news, she knew life could take time away from you at the drop of a pin.
“Hello?” She answered breathlessly. Hoping that what she had been doing earlier didn’t show in her voice. She was slightly embarrassed that she was so carried away in the moment.
“Bianca? Are you alright? I texted you earlier but you didn’t respond. I know I said I’d give you some time but…” Alex’s voice trailed off as Bianca cut in.
“No, it’s okay. I’m fine.” Bianca lied. She restrained herself from snorting at her falsehood. Fine was a gross understatement.
“Are you sure? You don’t sound fine.” Alex stated, his voice sounding entirely too sure that he was right.
Bianca sighed; if she wanted to pursue a relationship with this man lying was not the way to begin. But should she pursue it? After the news she received today, a relationship might not be an option right now, unless he wanted to have a baby with her. The thought that had been niggling at the back of her mind came to the fore and she gasped, not willing to entertain it. They had just met, after all.
“Bianca, please.” Alex muttered, all but begging her to open up to him.
Bianca sighed again, “So I wasn’t being completely honest,” She began, wanting to explain everything but not over the phone. “I think we should talk, in person.” Holding her breath she waited for him to respond.
“I’ll be right over,” He barked into the phone. The line went dead before she could even say goodbye. Bianca guessed now would be the perfect time to get out of the rapidly cooling bath.
*****
Alex yanked his jeans on, not taking the time for a belt. He’d been dying to see Bianca for days and finally succumbed to calling her. Now she wanted him to stop by at a moment’s notice but sounded like she had bad news. He was a bit concerned that she was going to break it off with him completely. Alex wasn’t sure what he would do with that news, but he wasn’t going down without a fight. He liked her, really liked her. Insecurity lodged itself in his gut. Alex wasn’t used to feeling so helpless about situations. He was a Lieutenant in the Air Force for Christ sake; he needed to pull himself together.
With a wince of uncertainty, Alex slid his feet into his boots, unlaced, and snatched his keys from the table. Making sure he had his phone, he dashed out the door to Bianca’s house, praying that she still wanted to be with him.
*****