His words are cut off by the band announcing their final song of the evening. They begin playing a slow rendition of Christina Perri’s “Arms.”
“Dance with me.” Noah laces his fingers through mine, and I let him lead me to the middle of the dance floor.
Lowering his mouth to my ear, Noah whispers, “Everyone’s staring. Do I have toilet paper stuck to my shoe?”
He laughs, and tears well up in my eyes. My heart is so full. Full of love, but also spinning because I still don’t know exactly what to do about him and Nova.
“No.” I run my fingers through his hair, lacing them together at the back of his head. “They’re staring at you because you’re incredibly handsome, and they’re all wondering how I got so lucky.”
I wrap my arms around Noah’s neck, holding on for dear life because I can’t quite convince myself that keeping him is the right thing to do. My mother’s face keeps swimming before my eyes. I breathe him in, enjoying the feel of his hands pressed to my lower back and the steady beat of his heart against my chest. What I wouldn’t give to bottle this moment up and pull it out later, when I’m lonely and missing him. If only Nova were here, the night would be perfect.
But it’s a good thing she’s not, because when the song ends, I stop swaying and slowly step back. Wrapping his hand in mine, I lead Noah off of the dance floor and back outside to the courtyard.
Once we’re alone, and out of earshot, I look up at him. “I love you so much.”
Noah opens his mouth, probably to repeat those three little words, but I can’t bear to hear them, not when I’m still so unsure about our future. I know I love him, but I’m still not convinced I can put all my baggage on him.
I press a finger to his lips. “Just let me get this out, okay?”
His eyes cloud, but he nods.
Removing my finger, I place my hand over his heart. “You taught me more about love than anyone else in my life, and I’ll cherish that forever. You were my first true love, Noah Cunningham, and you’ll be my last, because I know I’ll never feel for another man what I feel for you,” I vow, my voice shaky.
“Lennon—”
“But I don’t know if we can be together.”
I swallow past the lump in my throat, unable to suppress my tears. The look on Noah’s face tears me apart, but I won’t let that stop me.
“This is my life, Noah,” I say holding my hands out. “I’m leaving New York; I can’t stay here. But it doesn’t matter where I go, or what I do—I can’t change where I came from or who I am. And when my father and Mr. Morgan get elected, things will only get worse. There will be paparazzi and cameras and reporters. I can’t bring that craziness into your life…into Nova’s life.”
Noah’s eyes grow wide, his grip on me tightening.
My chin trembles, and I swipe a finger under my eyes. “She deserves so much more than that. You both do.” My voice cracks, but I keep going. “My past will be shoved into our faces. They’ll undoubtedly compare me to Kim, and what is that going to do to Nova? She’ll end up hating me, and I won’t be able to live with myself.”
Noah grips my hands. “She could never hate you. She loves you. We both love you.” His words are quick, and his desperation slices through my chest. “This is nothing. We can handle this. Our relationship is so much stronger than you’re giving it credit for.”
I shake my head and Noah quickly grabs it, stopping me. “Yes, it is. It’s so strong. I know I didn’t give you that impression, because I was stupid, but you have to believe me. You have to believe in us. We can make this work.”
My body sags, along with my heart and my soul. “I can’t ask that of you,” I whisper, removing his hands from my face. “I’m doing what’s best for you and Nova.”
“No,” he shouts. “You leaving will never be what’s best for my family. You are what’s best for us.” He pulls me in close, fear in his eyes. “Let them throw it in our face, let them dig up dirt and write story after story. I don’t give a damn. Honestly, I don’t think it’ll come to that. But if it does, we’ll face it together because we’re stronger together.”
I have to look away as tears roll down my face. “You say that now—”
“I’ll say it always,” he interjects, tilting my face up. “We’re good together, Lennon. You’re it for me. I don’t care about anything else. I don’t care about your name or your past; I care about you.
“I’m sorry, Lennon. I hate myself for letting you walk away. I hate that I wasn’t strong enough to believe you right away, but I can’t take that back. We can’t rewind time, but I promise I’ll never doubt you again. Please don’t doubt yourself. Don’t doubt us.”
I squeeze my eyes shut. “Please don’t apologize.”
“Do you believe me?” he whispers, cupping my face in his hands.
I nod, shakily.
“Open your eyes and look at me,” he pleads.
I open my eyes and see all of the love I’m feeling shining back at me. “I believe you. And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. God, Noah, I can’t apologize for that enough.”