“You don’t get it.” I swipe at the tears streaking down my face. “For the first time in my life, I had a man—you—looking at me and falling for me and not because of my name or who my parents are or how much money I have, but because of me. Because of Lennon. Because of who I am on the inside,” I say, a hand clenched over my heart. “Do you know what it feels like to have to wonder if someone is trying to be in my life just to get closer to my father or to our money? It’s horrible. It’s a cold, empty feeling that I never want to feel again, and you showed me it doesn’t have to be like that. You showed me that someone can love me for me. You and Nova showed me that the kind of life I’ve always wanted is possible, and I want that life with you, Noah. I came here to get away from that mess with Mathis. So the last thing I wanted to do was bring it up when I met someone new. And after you told me about Kim, I was scared that if I told you about the arrest, I would lose you before I even really had you.” My voice cracks. I squeeze my eyes shut, allowing the tears to fall, opening myself up, showing him my heart and my soul and everything in between.
“If you would just listen to me—believe me—you’d realize I’m telling you the truth. You know me! I’m not a drug user. Give me a chance to make this right, and I will spend every day of the rest of my life proving to you that I’m not that girl—” I point back to the house, to the pictures lying on my living room floor. “—and that you can trust me, because you can trust me. I just need you to love me enough to give me that chance.”
I wait with bated breath for Noah to say something. The seconds tick by, his eyes searching mine, and I can tell his heart is warring with his head. The sound of a car pulling up vaguely registers, followed by the sound of a door slamming shut, but I can’t look away from Noah. He’s a part of me now, and if he walks away, I’ll undoubtedly fall apart.
I see his answer before the words pass through his lips. Heartache and pain shine in his eyes, and I know he’s done.
“Don’t,” I beg, sobs wracking my body. “Please don’t.”
“I have to,” he whispers. Noah turns around, walking away from me, and I lunge forward to grab his shirt. But he keeps going, and I fall to the dew-soaked grass. My feet slip as I
try to get up, and two strong arms wrap around me from behind, keeping me from going after him.
“Shhh. Calm down.” I collapse against Mikey as Noah walks through his front door, shutting me out.
“Oh God,” I cry, my shoulders slumping forward. But Mikey doesn’t let me fall; he just holds me. He doesn’t try to tell me everything is going to be okay, and I appreciate that. But his presence doesn’t waver as I cry and scream for everything I’ve lost, for everything I’ll spend the rest of my life dreaming about, and only when my body goes limp against his does Mikey scoop me up and carry me into my house.
The next day goes by in a blur of tears. Sometime during the day Mikey leaves and Charlotte shows up again. They try to calm me down, but it’s no use. How can I calm down and be at peace when the person who owns my heart walked away?
Eventually the pain turns back into anger. He said I’m in his heart, yet he doesn’t believe me. If he truly loved me, wouldn’t he believe me? Wouldn’t he want to give us chance?
I call Noah several times, leaving message after message, begging him to talk to me, and when he starts sending my calls to voicemail, I resort to texting. Not once does he respond, and eventually Charlotte takes my phone away from me.
“Come on, sweetie,” she says, tugging me up from the little ball I’ve formed on my couch. “Let’s go outside and get some fresh air.”
I follow her idly out the front door. My hair is no doubt a complete disaster, my makeup from yesterday probably smeared all over my face, and I don’t give a damn.
It’s probably going to be like that for a while—me not giving a damn. Because I lost my reason. At least that’s how it feels.
Curling my legs under me, I ball up on the porch rocking chair, and Charlotte takes a seat on the front steps. I can’t help it; my eyes instantly lock on Noah’s house, which is dark. Not a single light is on, his car is gone from the driveway, and I can’t help needing to know where he is and what he’s doing.
Is he hurting as badly as I am?
Has he listened to my voicemails and read my texts?
Where is Nova? What will he tell her?
Does she hate me?
Shaking my head, I stand up. “I can’t do this.” The tears start all over again.
“Yes, you can.” Charlotte pushes me back in the chair. “Your life is not over, Lennon.”
“Really?” I scoff. “Because I don’t think it can get much worse than this.”
“That’s because it’s still raw. Everything just happened, and you’re not looking at your life with clear eyes. Give him some time. Noah is a sensible guy—”
“He doesn’t believe me, Charlotte,” I argue.
She shakes her head. “I don’t think that’s it at all. I think he’s scared to believe you. All this brings back the pain of what happened with Kim.”
“Okay, I can see that. But how do I convince him I’m not Kim and I won’t hurt him like she did if he doesn’t give me the chance?” I feel frustration and panic rising. “Nothing I tell him makes a difference!”
“Give him time to miss you. He’s hurt and scared, but I think he’ll come around.”
I want to believe her, but I don’t want to get my hopes up. “What if he doesn’t?”
“Well,” she sighs, glancing at me. “Then you’ll pick yourself up, dust yourself off, learn from your mistakes, and move on. If Noah isn’t smart enough to realize what a great person you are, it’s his loss, because you are a great person. You have this big, giant heart, and someday that heart will be yours again. When you choose to give it away, you can handle things differently.”