"No, not since the one I had right after school started."
Sarah looked hopeful. "So maybe you won't have them again. We can have a great senior year. That's no reason to reject Simon."
I took a deep breath and released it slowly. "The vision that I had at the beginning of school...he was in it."
Sarah's jaw dropped as she stared at me. "Oh no," she whispered. She closed her eyes, breathed, and opened them again. "No wonder you acted so weird when you first met him." She shook her head. "I can't believe I didn't realize it. I just thought you were acting weird because you thought he was hot." She gave a small sad laugh.
I put my hand on Sarah's arm. "It's not your fault for not realizing it. I was trying to hide it. I should have told you. I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry," Sarah countered. "I'm so sorry you have to go through this shit." She paused. "How many visions have you had of him?"
"Just one. And I want to keep it that way. I can handle having him as a friend, but I'm afraid if we take it any further, I'll start having the dreams again. You know the more contact I have with a person, the more visions I have of them."
"But if you've only had that one vision before you met him, but you haven't had any after...doesn't that mean something?"
I shook my head. "It means I've been lucky. I just don't want to chance it. And how can I have a relationship with Simon when I've seen him die? It would hurt too much to have the vision again if we were dating."
"What happened in the-" Sarah started, but I shook my head.
"I can't, Sarah. I can't talk about it." I had shared some of my past visions with Sarah, but I couldn't share Simon's. I was afraid that if I said it out loud, I would have the vision again. Or worse, that it would come true. That fear was irrational since as far as I knew, none of the subjects in my visions had met the fate I had envisioned for them. But I didn't want to take any chances. Especially with Simon.
"Oh, Caitlin," Sarah sighed sadly, pulling me into a hug. I rested my head on her shoulder, comforted by the fact that I could be totally honest with her again. "We'll get through this together. I understand now why you've been pushing Simon away. It sucks, but I understand."
I pulled back, remembering my lie. "If Simon asks, I'm in love with some guy I met last summer in Philly."
"What!?" shrieked Sarah. "What are you talking about?"
I grimaced. "He wouldn't take no for an answer so I had to make up some guy that I was in love with. We're waiting until I graduate to be together."
"Caitlin," Sarah warned, shaking her head. "This could get messy."
"Sarah," I pleaded. "It was the only way I could get him to back off. Please. It's hard enough as it is."
"You know I'll always back you up," Sarah said, "Even if I don't agree with your methods." She sighed. "I'll go along with your story, for as long as you want me to."
I breathed a sigh of relief. "Thanks. I really appreciate it."
Sarah studied me. "Do you want to get out of here? I think the last thing you need is witnessing Samantha slut herself over Simon."
I laughed at Sarah's choice of words. "Absolutely. I think I hear a pint of Ben & Jerry's calling me."
"You got it."
We walked back to the table to see that Samantha was gone, but I still felt the need to flee.
"Hey guys," Sarah announced. "I've got a killer headache. Caitlin and I are going to head back."
Grant stood up from his chair. "That sucks. I'll walk you guys back."
Sarah shook her head. "No, it's okay. You stay here. It's just a short walk and it's not that late." Grant looked at Sarah in confusion. He wasn't used to her refusing his company. But Sarah placed my well-being above the attentions of Grant.
"Oh no," exclaimed Jenny in disappointment. "Maybe I should go too."
Sarah shook her head again. "I don't want to ruin your fun, Jenny. We'll call you tomorrow." She glanced at Marcus. "Just make sure she gets home okay."
Marcus smiled. "Always."
"Well," Jenny said reluctantly. "Okay." She looked over at Marcus and her expression cleared. It seemed as if she was enjoying the attentions of Marcus and didn't want the night to end.