“Cassie?” My voice was barely a whisper, but her smile widened.
“Of course, silly. Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten what I look like.”
“Am I dreaming?” I froze, as a frightening thought surfaced. ?
??Am I dead?”
Cassie’s smiled wavered. “I wouldn’t say you’re dreaming and I wouldn’t say you’re dead.”
I frowned, confused. “What does that mean?”
“It means I can’t really say either way. Not yet.”
“You mean I’m dying right now?”
Fear clenched my heart when Cassie’s expression turned sad. “That’s up to you.”
She reached out and took my hand, and my fear vanished. “It’s okay, Maddie. You’re not alone.”
“I’ve missed you so much.” My voice was thick with tears. “I’m so sorry about everything.”
Cassie shook her head. “Don’t be sad, Maddie. Let’s not spend these few moments we have together being sad.”
“Why did you do it?” I had to know. If I wasn’t dreaming and I was really talking to Cassie’s spirit, I needed to know why she took her own life. “Was it because I betrayed you?”
“All you need to know is that I love you and I want you to be happy. Please don’t blame yourself for my choices, because you weren’t responsible. Let’s not waste time on the past.”
Tears ran down my face. She hadn’t really answered my question, but I knew her well enough to realize that she had known. I could read her expression. She had known when she took her life that Logan and I had betrayed her. I squeezed her hand tightly.
“I’m so sorry,” I sobbed, not knowing what else to say. “I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be sad,” she insisted. “Look where we are.”
I looked around, startled that what had only moments before been nothingness was now an amusement park. More specifically, the amusement park Cassie and I had gone to for her last birthday so long ago.
“You remember, right?” Cassie asked, looking at me expectantly.
“Of course, I remember. I’ve relived this day countless times. I kept searching for something that would give me a clue as to why you killed yourself.”
The corners of Cassie’s mouth turned down. “Don’t think about that. Let’s just have fun.”
Cassie led me to the rollercoaster we had ridden years ago. “Let’s go on it.”
“Wait,” I said, trying to get my head clear. “Please, let me just talk to you.”
“Maddie,” Cassie said patiently, as if I were a small child. “We’re talking. I just don’t have the answers you want.”
A car for the rollercoaster stopped in front of us. There were no other people besides us, and no one was operating the ride. Before I could object, Cassie pushed me into the seat.
“Cassie, I don’t know about this.”
Before I could say another word, Cassie jumped in next to me and the rollercoaster started to move. I gripped the handle in front of me, looking down and realizing there was no harness to strap me in.
“We’re going to fall out!” I said in a panic. “There are no seatbelts.”
“Silly,” Cassie said with an amused smile. “Do you really think we need seatbelts?”
Before I could answer, my breath was taken away as the rollercoaster abruptly sped up. Terror rushed through me. I didn’t want to die in real life and I didn’t want to die in my dreams.