“Logan!” she exclaimed. “I can’t believe you’re here.”
Even though I had told Logan everything about Cassie’s death and her mother’s sickness, I had been apprehensive about how he would handle it face to face. After all, he didn’t remember Cassie, let alone Mrs. Brooks. To his credit, he smiled and took her outstretched hands in his.
“It’s good to see you,” he said.
Mrs. Brooks pulled him closer, and then leaned to her side to look behind him. “Did Cassie come with you?” she asked hopefully.
Logan glanced at me before answering. “No, she’s not here.”
Mrs. Brooks sighed but didn’t look too upset. “I didn’t think she would be. She probably won’t be here until later tonight.” She smiled at us. “I’ll hope you’ll both stay so you can see her.”
I took a deep breath, telling myself that I shouldn’t be afraid. Mrs. Brooks was just having delusions.
“When you see her, is she alive?” I asked, trying to keep my voice steady.
“Of course, dear. She’s only dead when she’s on the other side.” She said it so matter-of-factly that it sent chills through my body.
“Do you remember how long ago she died?” I hated to bring up her suicide, but I thought it was important to see how grounded in reality her imaginings were.
Mrs. Brooks looked at me oddly. “Of course, I remember. Don’t you? You’re the one who found her.”
I nodded stiffly. “Yes, I remember. That’s something I’ll never forget.”
Mrs. Brooks’ expression turned sad. “It was such an awful way for her to go. I’m just glad she left a note to say goodbye.”
I froze. There had been no suicide letter. What was she talking about?
“I think you must be mistaken, Mrs. Brooks,” I said gently. “Cassie didn’t leave behind a letter.”
Mrs. Brooks gave me an embarrassed look. “I’m sorry, Madison. I found it in her things that were sent home from school after she died. I never told you about it because it made things too real.” Her face brightened. “That was before I knew she could come back.”
“Do you still have the note?” I told myself there really was no suicide note. There couldn’t be, yet a pit of dread started to grow in my stomach.
Mrs. Brooks nodded towards her dresser. “It’s in my jewelry box. It’s probably time that you read the contents. Go ahead.”
I didn’t realize I was trembling until Logan put a hand on my arm. “Are you sure you want to do this?” he asked, his expression worried. “Maybe you should wait.”
I shook my head. I had waited too long as it was. Almost a decade. As I walked to the dresser, I told myself there would probably be no letter in the jewelry box. It was just another one of Mrs. Brooks’ delusions. Yet my hand was shaking when I reached to open the jewelry box.
Nestled in the box was a piece of paper folded in half. I picked it up carefully as if it were a bomb that would explode any second. You could see that the letter had been folded and unfolded many times by how worn the crease was. I hesitated before unfolding the letter. I was afraid that whatever I was about to read would change my life forever. If I were being honest with myself, I was afraid the letter would reveal that I was, indeed, responsible for her death.
I slowly opened it and sucked in my breath when I saw Cassie’s familiar handwriting.
I know this will come as a shock for all of you. First, I want to say how sorry I am. I know I’m taking the easy way out, but there are no other options for me. I want each and every one of you to know that there was nothing you could have done to stop me. You know me. When my mind is made up, no one can change it.
I could fill this letter with boring details of why I’m leaving, but I want to focus on the present, not the past, which I’ll be part of by the time you read this. Instead, I want to tell the most important people in my life how much I love them and how you need to keep on living for me.
Mom—I know this won’t be easy for you. My decision has nothing to do with you or my childhood. I had an amazing life and I couldn’t have asked for a better mother than you. Please don’t let my leaving break you. You and dad are still so much in love. You can have an amazing life together. Before I realized I wouldn’t be here long enough to get married, I used to wish that one day I would have a marriage like the one you two have. I love you, and I always will.
Dad—I know you’re known as the strong one in our family, but I also know how soft your heart is. You had such dreams for my future. Please don’t be disappointed that I won’t be able to fulfill them. Mom is going to need you, and I know you’ll be her rock. I’ll always be your little girl, no matter where I am. Love you always.
Logan—I’m so glad I met you. I always used to wonder what it would feel like to be in love. I was convinced that it couldn’t be as overwhelming as those trashy romance books I used to read made it sound, but the reality of my feelings for you made those stories pale in comparison. I know we talked about a future together, but I also know it would have never panned out, and we both know why. I’ll be happy for you, no matter where your path leads you.
Maddie—My soul sister. I can’t put into words how much your friendship has meant to me. It was because of you that I stayed here much longer than I planned. You always said I was the bold and daring one, but you give yourself too little credit. You were fierce and strong in your own quiet way. I know it’ll be hard for you to be the one to find me, but I also know that, out of everyone, you’ll be the one able to handle it. We grew up together, and we thought we would grow old together. I’m so sorry I won’t be here to share life’s milestones with you. Please always believe in yourself. And please believe that I’ll always love you, no matter what. Just choose to be happy and everything will have been worth it.
It’s important to me that no one feels any guilt. When I close my eyes for the last time, it’ll be with a sigh of relief. No more pain and no more worries. I love you all.
Goodbye.