I turned to him, taking a deep breath before I took the plunge and asked him about Kristina. The next thing I knew, there was a blinding light careening towards us, and then a screeching explosion of metal.
Chapter Six
The beeping of Logan’s monitor terrified me. I was constantly afraid that the next beep indicating his heartbeat wouldn’t come. I tightened my grip on his hand and dropped my head, resting my forehead against his bed. I couldn’t believe what had happened. How could life change so completely in a matter of seconds? As furious as I was at the drunk driver who had crashed into us, it was also hard to come to terms with his death, even though he had been wholly responsible for it. The fact that we had been involved in an accident where someone had died was unsettling.
But Logan would be okay, I told myself. He had bruises and scratches from the impact, but the worst thing was the blow to his head that had rendered him unconscious. It was like some cosmic joke that I had regretted not being able to be by his bedside in L.A., and now I had gotten what I had wished for, in a sick and twisted way.
I had been lucky to get only a few minor cuts and abrasions, and had been released pretty quickly after being treated. It had been hard not to break down when I was told Logan was unconscious, but I knew that would do nothing to help the situation. That didn’t stop the tears from silently slipping down my face onto the bed sheet as worry made my heart heavy. Logan had to be okay. There was no other alternative.
I had been by his bedside for hours and it was almost morning. Doctors had come in and out throughout the night, and they all said the same thing. We need to wait and see. They had given me explanations full of medical jargon, and I had nodded, not caring about the whys and hows. After every explanation, I had simply asked, Is he going to be okay? Will he wake up? And all I had gotten was the “wait and see” answer.
I wanted to contact his parents, but I had no idea how to get in touch with them. They always vacationed during the holiday season and the only thing I knew about their whereabouts was that they were on a ship somewhere near Italy. I had tried both their cell phones through Logan’s phone, but neither call could be completed. I had scrolled through his contacts to find other relatives, even though I knew he didn’t have much extended family, but I had gotten nowhere. I told myself it didn’t matter, because Logan would wake up any minute. He had to.
The morning nurse came in and gave me a bland smile. I knew I must look like a mess from the accident and from sitting by Logan’s bed all night, but that didn’t even enter the realm of things I could possibly care about.
“How’s our patient doing this morning?” she asked, in a tone that was a little too cheerful. I knew she was trying to be upbeat but it grated on me. She said it like Logan was here to get his tonsils out, and she wanted to know if he was ready for his ice cream.
“Just dandy. He woke up, did some morning calisthenics, checked the weather for today, and then slipped back into unconsciousness.”
The nurse’s smile didn’t crack and she just nodded as she went about checking Logan. She was probably just trying to humor the crazy lady so that she could do her job and get out of there as soon as possible.
I was relieved when she left, still with that daft smile on her face. I wondered if she tortured small animals when she got home after a long shift.
I sighed and rubbed my eyes. The doctors had encouraged me to go home and get some rest. Shower. Change clothes. Eat something. But how could I leave Logan? I was afraid that if I left his side, he would slip away from me. As ridiculous as it sounded, I felt like my presence would somehow anchor him here.
I was startled when Logan’s cell phone started ringing. I grabbed it from the side table and frowned when I saw it was Mack. What was he doing calling so early? I hesitated, not knowing if I should answer it. I decided that he was Logan’s friend and he had a right to know what had happened, even if I wasn’t sure I wanted him around.
“Hello?”
There was a long pause before Mack said anything. “Madison?”
A part of me wanted to retort, “No, Kristina,” but I reined myself in. My emotions were all over the place with Logan’s condition, and I knew I just wanted to lash out at someone, but it wouldn’t be fair. The person responsible for Logan’s condition was beyond reach.
“Yes, it’s Madison,” I replied wearily. “Logan and I were in a car accident last night. We’re at the hospital.”
“Oh, my God. Are you guys all right?”
I felt my throat start to tighten and I tried to keep calm. “Logan…he’s unconscious. The doctors keep saying there’s nothing wrong with him physically and they’re just waiting for him to wake up. But they also keep saying the longer he stays unconscious, the more risks there are.” Tears streamed down my face and my voice hitched. Actually telling someone about what had happened seemed to burst open the dams. “I don’t know what to do except sit here and hold his hand. What are the fucking odds of Logan being in an accident twice in the span of a few days? How is this fair? How the fuck is this fair?”
I was sobbing and I felt like I didn’t have enough breath for the wailing that threatened to explode from my body.
“Madison, which hospital are you at? I’ll be right there.”
Mack somehow understood me through my sobs and promised he would be there as soon as possible. I couldn’t stop crying after he had hung up. Now that I had truly started crying, the fear of possibly losing Logan was too searingly painful to contain within myself. It poured out of my body and I sobbed until I was too physically exhausted to continue. I looked at Logan lying there. He looked so peaceful, so oblivious to the tornado of raw emotion that had just been on display right next to him. I wanted to shake him awake, to beg him not to leave me, not to leave us.
I turned when I heard the door to Logan’s room open, expecting Nurse Cheerful again, probably to tell me to keep it down because my soul-wrenching agony was a little too disruptive. Instead, I saw Mack, his face drawn and concerned. I was surprised at how quickly he had gotten here. He must have immediately rushed over after hanging up the phone.
I looked at him awkwardly, not knowing what to say. He was a virtual stranger, after all.
He walked over to the bed and stood beside me, looking down at Logan, his expression solemn. After a few moments, he turned to me. “You look exhausted. Have you eaten?”
I shook my head. The last thing I wanted to think about was eating. “I know I look like hell. Comes with the territory, I guess.” I sounded more flippant than I meant to, but the words just slipped out.
“Madison,” he said gently. “You’re going to make yourself sick. I spoke to Logan’s doctor before I came in, and they have no idea how long he’ll be unconscious. You need to keep yourself healthy so that you can be there for him for as long as it takes.”
“I’m scared,” I whispered. “I’m scared if I let go of his hand, he’ll leave me. I know that sounds crazy, but what if it’s true?”
Mack watched me for a few moments before saying anything. I expected him to tell me I was being silly, or promise me that Logan wouldn’t slip away if I let go of his hand. The last thing I expected was for him to humor me. “Is there a friend I can call who can stop by your place and pick up some stuff for you? I’m sure you can still freshen up without letting go of Logan’s hand. And you can certainly eat with just one hand.”