“You okay?” he asked.
I shrugged, knowing he’d see through a ready lie. “Guess not everyone likes costumes.”
“Nope. But as long as they open their wallets for the cause, who cares?”
Me, apparently, but I wasn’t admitting that. “But you like it. I still haven’t exactly figured out what you like about dressing up so much.”
My tone must have been a bit sharp because he frowned. “Haven’t you ever wanted to be someone different?”
“Yeah.” I bit my lip. Every damn day, honestly, although that burning, awful need to get out of my own skin was getting somewhat better the more time I spent with Jasper.
“Me too. And it’s fun. An escape. A chance to be silly.”
“I get it. I just wish others saw it that way and not as…embarrassing.”
“Screw that.” Jasper’s frown deepened and his voice hardened. “Are you seriously going to live your life in fear that someone might laugh?”
“Uh…” I knew the right answer, but I also knew myself. It was hard. And I wasn’t entirely sure we were still talking costumes.
“If you’re continually afraid of being embarrassed, you’re going to miss out on a lot of fun.” Jasper shook his head as if he was already tired of me being such a drag. And before I could apologize, he added, “I’m thirsty. How about I get us some sodas?”
“Sure.” I might be a disappointment to him, but at least I could be an agreeable disappointment. However, as he walked away, I couldn’t help feeling like I’d screwed up. I wished there were a way to show Jasper that I might be slow but that I was trying to get better.
While Jasper waited in a long line at the bar, a few other people wanted pictures. However, in between photo taking, I took in the gathering, people-watching. At first I was looking for more people like the rude guy, people looking for a chance to laugh at us, but everyone seemed occupied with their own friend groups, too busy and happy to make fun of some college kids in wacky costumes. Shoulders unknotting, I started picking out costume ideas for my drawings. I liked the idea of doing more superhero drawings for kids at the hospital.
My gaze landed on the dance floor where a tall Superman was swaying along with a shorter Batman. They were only one of several couples dancing to a classic ballad, but they captivated me. Both men were probably in their late thirties or early forties, and the easy familiarity with which they danced spoke to a long relationship. And there they were, wearing tights and fake muscles and capes and laughing and moving together without a seeming care for what anyone else thought.
I want to be that brave. The thought slammed into me. And more than that, I wanted a love like that. Someone who knew how I danced and what I liked and what made me laugh. I glanced back at Jasper who was almost to the front of the drinks line. Maybe that wish wasn’t as far out of reach as I thought. And maybe there was a way to show Jasper that I was working on the brave part. Maybe.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Jasper
“Did you get into trouble without me?” I asked Milo as I handed him a soda in a clear plastic cup. I tried to keep my voice light, like we hadn’t taken a left turn into Awkward Town ever since Milo had turned into a walking corpse when we’d run into the people at my dorm. Stiff. Pale. Monosyllabic. So much for progress.
“Nah. Stood for some more pictures. Thanks for the drink.” Milo’s tone was cautious, like he was trying to suss out if I was still irritated with him. Which I was, a little. But while in line, I’d resolved not to sulk all night.
“No problem.” I gave him a smile, a real one because even uncomfortable, he was still who I wanted to spend my evening with. “I looked at some of the auction items on my way back, and the bids are high. They should raise a ton of money tonight.”
“Good. I hope the foundation can help more families like yours.” He sipped at the soda.
“Me too.” Maybe small talk was the best we could do right then, but Milo seemed to be marginally loosening up. A pair of women in fairy costumes wanted pictures with us, and he even managed some jokes along with a grin for the camera.
As they left, he turned back to me. “I still might not entirely understand the cosplay thing, but even I can see the good your group does.”
“Yeah? Not embarrassed to be seen with us?” Okay. Perhaps I wasn’t entirely over my earlier funk.
“No. You guys are great.” He gestured at Kellan and Jasmine and the others. “Good people. I like your friends.”