“Why?” Anna gave a pained groan. “What did you say to him? Did you complain of my behaviour yesterday evening? Tell him of my wantonness?” Tears stung her eyes at thoughts of that humiliation.
The same tears that had been falling down Anna’s cheeks for all of the night and most of this morning. Tears of humiliation for her wanton behaviour yesterday evening. The tears of knowing she was in love with a man who would never, could never, return that love.
Anna had thought her life empty before this, her heart, her soul, hungering for something. But the thought of Rufus soon returning to London, of not seeing so much as a glimpse of him again for months, possibly years, filled her heart with a despair she could never have imagined.
To the point she had even considered accepting his offer that she return to London with him and become his mistress, for however long such arrangements lasted.
Only to sob even harder as she was forced to dismiss such a notion; such an arrangement may bring her some measure of happiness for a short time, but she could never bring such disgrace upon her brother by behaving in such a scandalous manner. And she could not avoid the pain that the end of such an alliance would bring.
No, the only course left open to her was to accept there was no future for herself with a man like Rufus, and to behave with all the dignity her deceased mother and father would have expected from her.
“I would not break my word to you in that way, Anna,” Rufus reassured. “Nor do I have any complaints about your behaviour yesterday evening. On the contrary.”
“Could we please not discuss the events of yesterday evening?” She turned sharply away from him, her lace-gloved hands tightly clasped together in front of her. “It is enough for us both to know it was a mistake. An aberration, brought about by…by…”
“Brought about by what, Anna?” Rufus prompted softly.
She gave an agitated shake of her head. “You are the more experienced one of us, so perhaps you will tell me what it was brought about by?”
His expression gentled. “Desire. Arousal. Love.”
“I do not lo—” Anna stopped as she realised she was about to tell him yet another lie.
She did love Rufus. So very, very much. So much that it was breaking her heart to be with him again, just to be near him and know he could never be hers.
Rufus stepped forward to place his hands upon the slenderness of Anna’s shoulders, deeply distressed at seeing her so upset. “Anna, the only reason I spoke with your brother this morning was because I needed to ask his permission before I dare ask you to marry me.”
“No! No, no, no!” she cried emotionally as the tears cascaded unchecked down the paleness of her cheeks. “I cannot— I will not allow you to. Your honour is not in question, Rufus,” she assured him in a throaty voice. “I am the one who was at fault yesterday evening. I am the one who allowed you to make love to me. No man could have refused what I so freely offered. You should not now feel— I will not hear of your offering to marry me because of my wantonness.” She began to cry in earnest.
Rufus’s heart had plummeted as Anna protested so vehemently against the idea of marrying him, only to feel ravaged as she offered up words of self-condemnation.
His heart now felt as if it were being wrenched from his chest as he witnessed the heartbreak of her tears.
He enfolded her tightly in his arms, his cheek resting against the silky softness of her golden curls. “I know we have not known each other for long, Anna, and that you will need time to feel for me as I do for you, but— Do you believe in love at first sight, Anna?” he prompted. “Do you believe it is possible to look at a person and know, instinctively know, that you are meant to be with that person for the rest of your life?”
Anna stilled in his arms before slowly pulling back to look up at him searchingly. “I do not— Are you saying that is what has happened to you? That you love me?”
“Oh yes,” Rufus confirmed. “I admit I have spent all my adult life in total ignorance of the emotion, which is perhaps why I did not immediately recognise it for what it was, and instead believed it to be desire rather than love. But I am in no doubts now of my feelings, Anna. I cannot live without you by my side.” He had known it three days ago when the two of them had spoken in the churchyard. Had been totally convinced of it when they’d made love together last night. “I spoke to your brother this morning, before discussing it with you, only because it was the right thing to do, the gentlemanly thing to do.” He reached up to cradle each side of her face, his eyes gazing unwaveringly into hers as his thumbs stroked the tears from her cheeks. “I am deeply in love with you, Anna Juliet Bishop, and will always be so. And I would deem it an honour, a privilege, if you would one day consider becoming my wife.”
Anna gazed up at him in stunned disbelief, never having thought to hear such words from Rufus. From her wicked duke. From the sinfu
l gentleman she had last night realised she loved with all her heart.
All of those reasons caused her doubts to linger. “Are you sure, Rufus?” She gave a shake of her head. “I would not want you to feel obligated into offering me marriage.”
“I have never allowed feelings of obligation to determine my actions, Anna,” he assured her dryly. “And certainly not when it comes to the taking of a wife!” he added teasingly before sobering again. “I admit to having behaved something of a rake these past ten or twelve years, but that is because I did not know otherwise. As I tried to explain this to you on Saturday morning at the church. You have changed me, Anna,” he assured earnestly. “My love for you has changed me, so much so that I no longer want any other woman but you. And I know that I never will. Will you at least give me leave to court you, Anna? To woo you, so that perhaps one day you might learn to feel that same love for me?”
Anna felt as if her heart had swollen with so much emotion it might burst out of her chest at any moment.
Rufus had told her he loved her!
More than that, he had said he did not feel obligated to offer for her but that he wished to marry her.
That he wanted to make her his forever beloved wife.
By loving her, by wishing to marry her, to be with her forever, Rufus offered her the freedom she had so restlessly hungered for all her life.
What better freedom was there than to love and be loved? To be with the man she loved, and who loved her? Forever.