I do not take my eyes off the card as I work to take in a deep, calming breath. “You are ending this.”
“No, damn you, Leo. I just said it. Here, my place, your place, in a god damned car. I don’t care, but I’m not going back to that room. I’m not going back to feeling like I’m some dirty secret, just a fuck you can’t stand to be around any time you don’t have your cock inside me. Is that it? Is that all I am? Am I so undeserving of anything more than a few hours in some hole in the wall where no one can see us?”
Fuck, the shit she thinks about herself. Did I not just spend an entire evening at her side, proudly identifying her as mine? I have given her more than I have ever given any woman. All while she has not asked for what I want to give. She has never asked for forgiveness, never explained herself, and she is demanding I let it all go.
Feeling raw I can acknowledge it has been eating at me. It is a part of what has kept me from letting her into my life completely, fear of giving her the opportunity to do it all over again. Despite what Victoria said, despite the endless nights wondering about a future with her. How can I know she will not hurt me again if she does not admit what she did was wrong? Is it not the first step? Apologizing, and admitting you did wrong?
“My attendance at your launch the other evening makes that question ridiculous. Even now the papers are still printing pictures of us together. You ask from me, yet you do not ask for what you should be asking. You say you are sorry a dozen times a day for meaningless bullshit things, not once in all this time have you said you were sorry for lying to me, for your betrayal of my trust. Am I not deserving of your apology?”
No, damn her, I want to break something at the sight of her tears. “Leo, it’s not like that. I’m sorry, a thousand times I broke the trust you had in me. I hated lying to you, but I swore I would never lie to you. I’m not going to now. I’m not sorry I lied to you to get the job.”
Hearing her confirmation of being the lying, scheming bitch I had tried to ignore she was, is too much. “Get out.”
“Leo, please you have to understand why—”
“I do not have to understand anything. Get. The. Fuck. Out.”
27
Alexa
Staring blindly into the refrigerator, I don’t see anything that actually appeals. Head down I give up, food doesn’t appeal, my story doesn’t appeal, all that does is sleep. Even though it’s only nine thirty, I sleepwalk into the bathroom for a shower. He’s not coming tonight, just like he didn’t come last night or the night before.
It’s been three days since I laid the card key on his desk. I’ve regretted it ever since. Elise and Ria had sworn today I’d done the right thing. Take a deep breath and be patient. I’m kind of over being patient. I’m having a hard time not begging Leo to forget I ever sa
id anything, to tell him I’m sorry I was stupid.
Shit, it hits me as stingingly as the spray from the shower, the memory of Leo’s face when I told him I wasn’t sorry for lying to him. Knowing it was stupid and crazy I was willing to tell him the truth of the why, that I couldn’t walk away from him, but he didn’t want to listen. He wasn’t ready, he didn’t want to know why. A dozen times I’ve wanted to try again at work, only he refused to even look at me, he barely a said a word, all communication was through message or email. I’m actually longing for him to get angry with me, anything is better than this cold silence.
In bed, I’m tossing and turning until I piss Felix off enough to send him jumping off the bed. His meow has me turning over, it’s his hello meow. Leo is standing in the open doorway to my room. I blink, and he’s pulling the comforter off me. Thank god. It’s my last coherent thought because Leo grabs the neck of the black silk nightgown I’m wearing and tears it off me. I’m a freak. I’m so wet I can’t stand it. Leo’s hands are everywhere, his mouth brutal on me and I’m lost in the waves of pleasure it brings.
The night is long, I lose count of how many times Leo brings me to orgasm from his mouth, his hands, his cock. All I know is every time it’s over he holds me close until he’s ready to take me again and when I finally fall asleep it’s on his chest, in his arms with Leo asleep beneath me.
I’m woken by Leo sliding out of bed, his heat missed the minute he’s away from me. Blearily, I find my clock and startle at the time. Nine thirty, it was nine thirty in the morning? Leo had spent the night, he really stayed all night long? At the sound of the toilet flushing, I jump out of bed for some crazy reason terrified he’ll disappear. Before I get to the bathroom, Leo pokes his head out. “Come on lazy bones. We’re very late, if we take a shower together, we might make it in before noon.”
We don’t make it in before noon.
***
Alexa
I’m having a hard time believing today is real, that it isn’t a dream. Leo is smiling. He’s happy. He’s teasing, and he’s touching me often. Then at the end of the day, Leo doesn’t message me. He comes to my desk to tell me that he’ll be over to my place after he goes home to get clothes for tomorrow. Was there something I wanted for dinner he could bring over?
“Really? You’re going to sleep over again?”
His chuckle shimmies up my tummy. “Is it not what you wanted? I would be more than happy for you to be at my place except Felix already hates me. If you leave him alone any more he will draw blood from me again. I am aware moving a cat from their usual environment stresses them out. I do not think there would be enough catnip in the city to calm him down if we moved him to my place.”
Leo cared about what I wanted, he cared about Felix, my psycho cat, and he was coming to my place tonight, with clothes and food. I’m so happy I try not to cry.
When Leo comes home, Felix greets him with a swipe of his claws. Great, the first thing. Leo laughs it off as he sets down the takeout and brings in several bags containing suits and a duffle bag. While he puts his things away, I plate up the yummy food from Fernando’s.
We eat on the couch while we watch television and it’s weird how completely not weird it is. It’s like we’ve been doing it forever. Leo’s phone and laptop are shut down. We talk about the show we’re watching. I find out that although he doesn’t watch much television besides the news, Leo is actually an avid movie watcher and book reader. I’m a little disappointed when Leo takes his laptop and phone out to the balcony to wrap up some things for work. I don’t dare complain. He’s already done so much, I’ll happily wait for him to finish.
My body tingles in anticipation only, damn it. I’m sore, really sore. I try again to remember how many times Leo was inside me and I can’t for the life of me keep count. Maybe a nice hot bath will help. I tell Leo I’m going to take a bath and read in it for a bit. He tells me to take my time he’ll be at least another hour.
Out of the bath I’m applying lotion. I’m very aware as much as I’m looking forward to Leo spending the night, my body is too sore for what he wants. Will he leave? Fear makes me shiver at the thought.
The lotion is taken out of my hand. I look up, and Leo is standing over me, very gloriously naked. Without thought I close my eyes and run my face over his thickening cock, pressing a kiss to the soft pouch. I love his cock, this soft, silky, hot, hard part of him that brings me so much pleasure every time it’s inside my body whether it’s my pussy or mouth.